Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Demons Among Us

I can't remember the name of the movie Denzel Washington was in; but it was about a demon that was able to pass from person to person by touch. There was a scene on a crowded city street where the demon was able to escape Denzel by "passing through" all the people it came in contact with. No running, how about that? If you live in a big city, or if you've even watched a movie with New York in it, then you know there are thousands of people in the crowd.

There are days when I feel the whole world is that crowd and there is more than one demon running amok,passing through us and spreading feelings of sadness and doom. This feeling seems to grow the closer we get to Christmas. Have we really gotten to be such a materialistic, power hungry society that somewhere in the middle of acquiring all our goods, and making all our power plays that we have forgotten we are people??

In Africa, female circumcision is alive and well. Recently I read an article where this is being done to teen aged pregnant girls. This is, in most (and I would venture to say all) cases a forced procedure. Now seriously think about that..... How horrifying that must be. What horrifies me more is the few people I felt I could discuss this with really didn't care what was happening in Africa. Here is where I think the demon has invaded. How could someone not care once this is learned? How can this barbaric atrocity still be happening in the world today?? Why isn't more being done to stop this???

In Uganda, if you are gay or have AIDS it's possible you could receive the death sentence, this is still in debate. The article attached is dated December 10, 2009. Yes, that's right a week ago. If you are a family member or friend of someone who is gay or has AIDS and you do not report your loved one to the government for these things, then you face 7 years in prison. The demon strikes again, in office and on the street. One person I spoke to about this said, "Good, then we won't have to worry about the faggots and the disease will be controlled." WHAT???

These 2 particular articles have been in my head since I've read them. I look around and see people complaining that there is not enough money to buy MORE stuff for Christmas and they are sad and depressed. This is the retail demon taking over. Really, our children would be much happier if Uncle Bob were killed for having AIDS as long as they get that new I pod. Things would be great while sister Janie is recovering from her genital mutilation, so long as that new digital camera is under the tree.

Sometimes selfish human nature sickens me. I have been feeling this the last few days and sit and wonder what I can do. What part can I play in all of this to try and help. I really don't know. I do know I can make more people aware and perhaps this will get to someone who has some ideas.

The really sad part, the truly depressing part of this is wondering how many really do care?? I care to the point of making myself sick. This also makes me realize what is important this Christmas. Look around your life, at the people you see day in and day out, your family, your friends and even the strangers you see on a regular basis at the grocery store, now smile and say hi. Because they matter, you matter. Even the crazy guy at Wal-Mart. Try to avoid being touched by the demons.

Merry Christmas!!

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Dancing With Life and Death

Stop and listen..
Do you hear the call??
Of darkest whispers and crimson fall

Stand still don't move...
Did you feel it's touch??
The painted dreams of lies and such

Quick now move..
Did you delay??
Escape the pain, perhaps you may

Run faster now...
Do you dare???
Into the woods so bleak and bare

Again you stop...
Can you hide??
The demons welling up inside

Take a breath...
To stop the sin???
The feelings coming back again

Open your eyes...
Do you see it shine??
The brilliant light that tells the time

Move again..
Are you so old??
Fight the crimson and the cold

Now take a step...
Did you just falter??
Just breath again and take another

This is how we make the choice
To live in darkness or rejoice
Just step again and keep on dancing
This is life, we take our chance in.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

WAITING

Waiting................ and waiting.......... I've learned, God, to patiently wait. I wait in long lines at the grocery store and patiently bide my time looking at the magazines or talking to the person next to me, also waiting. I wait at the bank to make deposits and withdrawals, zoning out and telling myself to be patient.

I wait at red lights, trying not to overload my brain using telekinesis to turn the light green. I even wait while the person in the car in front of me finishes putting on her make up or reading the newspaper, and I don't honk my horn. I wait... ever so patiently for inconsiderate people.

I wait and try to be patient as my children tell me in long drawn out, over adjectived (yes my own word), monotonous voiced, tall-tale telling of their very boring, unenlightening, stupid, days at school (their words, not mine). I wait to hear why one is crying and the other is yelling and screaming. I wait while I listen to how GI Joe lost his arm and try to teach them to wait for the glue to dry, so the arm will be repaired only to be torn away during the next battle.

Today I waited as I read about Immune Thrombocytopenic Purpura , and will have to wait for my next blood test or two to see what is up. Tonight I sit here and think about all the waiting I have done in my life. Waiting on things, waiting on people, waiting on cars, waiting in line, waiting for the right moment just to wait for the next moment. Tonight I am tired of waiting and feel very impatient. Tonight I am tired of waiting. Tomorrow will be a better day... for one it's Friday.... but I won't be waiting :o)

Monday, November 30, 2009

ODE TO PEANUT BUTTER

In response to @PuriChristos and my double dog dare

Peanut butter you are a wonder
I dream about you when I slumber
Not the creamy icky kind
Crunchy suits my taste just fine

Except of course when you are in a cup
Surrounded by chocolate, I eat you up
Smooth then, I will enjoy
Paper wrapping peeled, Oh Boy!!

Mixed into a cookie batter
I'll eat you raw, it doesn't matter
Cooked up fresh, you are the best
Burnt up bottoms I detest

You look awful nasty in your jar
A good source of protein, definitely by far
You have a strange tan brownish hue
I would not want you in my shoe

A little knowledge removed from some
From my hair you remove the gum
Yes you may smell a little funny
But in my tummy you are very yummy.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

The Christmas Wish

White snow glistening all around, the forest trail unwinds

A path that leads to no where, two lovers slowly stride

From the town they hear the sound of children's happy glee

Skating on the frozen lake, and running wild and free

Years have passed since they first met, and never could let go

Of feelings toward each other, that only seemed to grow

An ocean apart, but close at heart, they held on to the wish

That come one Christmas Eve some day, they would share a kiss

The time has finally come for them to never be apart

He holds her frail and aging hand, as he's always held her heart

They stop amidst a copse of trees, the perfect place indeed

To share this long awaited gift, to fill an aching need

This will be their first kiss, a distant love they've shared

His eyes have grown quite tired and there's silver in her hair

He reaches out to hold her, she moves to his embrace

She turns her chin up towards him, he looks down at her face

He leans his head in slowly, their hearts pound and race

He kisses her so softly, with love and with such grace

The Christmas Wish they've waited for, granted for these two

Now they'll never be alone a Christmas dream come true.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Eyes Closed

I am so very tired and drained. I need you with me now, so I close my eyes and think of you. My heart is filled with joy, my spirit lifts with my eyes closed and you near me. With my eyes closed this world is ours, we have each other to touch, to feel, to talk, to listen. You are mine when my eyes close.

Night is upon me now and with eyes closed I can feel you lying next to me in a bed that is our own. I can hear your heartbeat as my head rests on your chest soothing in my ear. Your arm wrapped around me tight, pulling me close to you, our hands entwined on your stomach. Our love encompassing my very being.

It is cold tonight, but the warmth of your body against me keeps the chill of the night at bay. The sound of your voice in my mind keeps me from breaking as you tell me "It's all going to be okay." You soothe me. I can hear you talking to me now, as if you were with me. With eyes closed the vibration of your voice calms my body, my tension easing away.

With eyes closed I begin to drift off to sleep next to you with the peace and comfort you bring. Before I fall into my dreams I lift my head, you lower yours, for a tender kiss good night. My heart fills with love and the cacophony in my mind stops. I miss you most at night but with my eyes closed I do not miss you anymore, because you are here with me as you will be in my dreams.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Truth Shall Make You Comfortable

I was initially excited when I was told about National Novel Writing Month. Sounds fun, I thought. I can dish out some words. 50,000?? No problem. Hell I tweet more than a porn bot. So I invested about 4-5 hours of time into the last three posts. See I can get some words out... that's the easy part. Guess what??? I had a problem. Seriously. Even before I sent this to a friend to have him look over it, I was thinking, this is just plain old crap. To my friend, I'm sorry I even wasted your time with that, but you dear sir are an inspiration. Thank you for being honest with me.

I tried justifying it in my head... this is about quantity not quality. It's crap, my little voice screamed at me. How can you possibly submit anything like that to anyone, even for shits and giggles??

I can't. I know this competition is really great and important for some people and I have a couple of friends who have decided to challenge themselves. One in particular is really rocking it out. Cool deal.

Me, I have gone back to the drawing board to mix it up again and give a full hearted effort into writing a novel. I feel more in my place now taking this path. I've also learned a lesson in all this... in writing, life, sex whatever you do, be you and do what feels right in your heart. Don't be compelled to keep up with the Jones' just be you and the world (and yourself) will love you more for it. Write from the heart, not for the count.

Love,

Me :o)

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Chapter III - The Studious Duo

Paul and Chris stand outside the study door, guns drawn, ready to fire. “Go ahead, open the door.” Paul nods his head towards the closed door. “Uhh do I look like Mikey, willing to try anything? You open the door. I’ll cover you.” Chris states. “Besides I’m a better shot than you are old man.”

Paul shakes his head “you are the biggest pansy of a tough guy I have ever met. Fine I’ll get the door, but if something gets me then I am coming back to haunt you every night for the rest of your life.” Paul takes in a deep breath, trying to steady the nervousness he feels. He exhales and reaches his hand towards the door knob.

Chris raises the Glock holding it with two hands, aimed at the door. “I’ll try not to shoot you. Count of three?”

Paul grasps the knob “three, two, one.” He turns the knob and throws open the door. “No lights, can’t see anything.” He reaches blindly around the corner, fully expecting something to grab his arm and tear him to shreds, flipping the switch, he pulls back to allow Chris space to clear the room.

Chris steps through the door glancing quickly around the entire room watching for immediate danger. He then begins a thorough visual scan starting on the left side of the room working his way around to the right. This is a moment when he is very thankful for sparse furnishings, nothing for some creepy to hide under or behind. “Clear!” He speaks loudly so Paul can hear him.

Both men visibly relax, tension melting from their shoulders and neck. “Okay, no witch waiting in the wings for us. So where did the who or whatever go that dirtied our floor?” Paul asks out loud.

Chris just shrugs his shoulders in reply.

Three gunshots echo through the monastery, the two men look at each other then take off running towards the sound.

Chapter II - Halls of Hell

Brothers Phillip and Pedro walk through the dim lighted stone hallways feeling the damp chill the walls seem to always hold this time of year. “I don’t know about you, but this whole mess has my hackles raised.” Phillip says to Pedro. “Yeah I’m feeling you here gringo. Who would be crazy enough to go down in the basement?? They must have a death wish. I only hope whoever it was that went down is the same thing that came up.”

The two approach the closed double wooden doors of the impromptu infirmary. “Did you hear that, amigo?” Phillip comes to a stop holding his hand out signaling Pedro hold up“Listen.”

Pedro freezes and tunes his hearing into the silence, “I don’t hear anything, gringo.”

“I know I heard something, sounded like someone dragging something. There it is again.” This time the noise was accompanied by a low gravelly growl. “I know you heard that one, amigo. “

Pedro throws the safety on Colt .45 in his hand. “It’s behind us, man. This sucks.” The low growl becomes a piercing scream as Pedro senses movement behind him. Instinctively he drops and rolls to the left, where he has more room to maneuver, coming up in a crouched position on one foot and one knee. He draws on the Colt looking for a target to sight on to. He feels more than sees the looming figure almost directly in front of him and fires three rounds. Pedro is thrown back against the wall as the weight of the creature falls on him. “PHIL, MAN, HELP ME HERE. IT’S GOT ME!! GET IT OFF, SHOOT IT, SOMETHING!!”

Chuckling, Phil says “Pedro, it’s dead, you got it. Open your eyes and look. You should see yourself lying there screaming like a woman. “

Pedro pulls back his head and opens his eyes and stares directly into the gaping mouth of the creature. Elongated fangs dripping with frothy saliva stare back at him. He has flashes of what could have happened had he not fired when he did. Pedro does the sign of the cross as he pulls himself from under the beast. “Bless you Santa Maria, bless you for saving this humble Mexican’s butt.”

“Now what do we do with this thing?” Phil looks at Pedro, “It’s your mess. Didn’t your mother teach you to clean up after yourself?”

“Let’s go check on everyone first.” Pedro says as he fires off two more rounds into the creature’s skull for good measure. Phil stares at him as if he has lost his mind. “What? Don’t you watch horror movies? Things like this always come back. If I had a stake, I’d drive it through it’s heart as well.” Phil laughs at his friend, “Only you amigo, only you.”

Chapter I - Night Terrors

Night was settling over the monastery. Brothers Paul, Phillip, Chris and Pedro were on guard duty this night. Checking all the windows and doors on the ground floor and working their way up the levels as they planned. They did not want to be too far from anyone at any given time. They were the only four among them that had any military training at all, other than Father Marcus, but he was out of commission at the moment. The Brothers insisted on being a night watch team each evening, sleeping sporadically throughout the day. Lives were at stake. Luckily for them, a few of the men that had come to the church to seek sanctuary from the outside had brought weapons and ammunition. It still wasn’t enough to defend against any major attack.

Making his pass near the basement door, Brother Chris is taken aback , his eyebrows furrow as he looks at the floor. He cautiously approaches the door to check the locks, it is secure and in tact. “We’ve got a problem here boys!!! Basement access, now!!!” He shouts as loud as he can as he quickly turns 180 degrees to scan the kitchen. Not too many places for someone to hide, but still don’t want to take any chances. Brother Chris switches the safety off on the Glock 9 millimeter semiautomatic he is carrying and loads a round into the chamber. He would never admit it, but feels somewhat relieved when Brothers Paul, Joshua and Pedro enter the kitchen, weapons at ready.

“What is it??” Brother Paul asks, a quizzical expression on his face.

“Look at the floor” Chris says.

The other Brothers notice the muddy, wet foot prints tracking from the door through the kitchen towards the dining hall. “But how can this be?? There are orders no one is to go in the basement. Surely these things haven’t adapted to walk through solid objects. So what is going on here?” Brother Pedro asks as he bends over to inspect the prints. “Looks like some blood mixed in here too.”

“We have to secure everyone. Pedro, Phillip, you two go and make sure everyone is safe. Chris and I will follow the breadcrumbs to see where they take us.” Brother Paul orders.
Pedro and Philip take off towards the make shift medical ward designed to tend to the ill; where everyone should be.

“Well Hansel, are you ready to find the witch??” Brother Paul teases. Chris rolls his eyes at Paul’s ever corny sense of humor.

Paul and Chris start tracking the footprints through the kitchen, out the side door into the dining room. Weapons raised, they swiftly scan the room, checking both sides of the door working their sights inward towards the center of the room. They each take a side and canvas under the long oak dining room table where they used to have their meals. Empty.

They continue to follow the tracks through the room towards the study. Walking over the multi-colored area rug they notice there are no more tracks on the other side. They glance at each other, “What now Sherlock??” Chris asks Paul “Elementary my dear Watson, we continue this way and back track if we don’t find anything in there.”

They both raise their weapons, tense with the knowledge that the study has no other doors. Either they are going to have a confrontation with a beastie or they have been fooled by a brainless wonder. Worse yet someone might have been down in the basement doing something criminal like letting a creep or two in. None of these conclusions seems to make either man feel at ease.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Reaching Sleep

When I cry myself to sleep tonight, hold me in your dreams

Keep me close beside your heart, so I can hear it's beat

Let me feel the warmth that's you surround my very soul

For when it's daybreak in morning light I know that you must go.


But for that intermittent while, when in our secret place

Let me feel you next to me, in your warm embrace

Breathing slows as comfort grows and into dreams we go...

Friday, October 16, 2009

A Place In My Heart

I dreamt about you again last night. We were lying close on our sides facing each other atop a blanket in the warm sand. A gentle breeze was blowing softly over us. I couldn't hear what we were talking about, all I heard was the gentle waves washing ashore. The sun was shining brightly down on us in our little world. Not another living soul was near. We were smiling and I felt whole and perfectly content just being with you. My heart so overjoyed it seemed it would jump out of my chest. You said something funny and we laughed together then you reached your hand out and placed it on my cheek and pulled me to you for a kiss. A very pleasurable shock of energy shot through me. In that moment I was completely yours and you mine. It is a moment I could stay lost in forever.



In my waking hours I can feel you with me wherever I go. Other than two particular things, if I start to feel down or frustrated I think of you and it goes away. If I feel lost or scared you help me find my way to be brave. Who would have thought just knowing someone as wonderful as you existing in this world could bring so much peace and happiness. I feel like God has let me in on some big secret no one else knows and here lately I walk around with a smile on my face, knowing I am blessed with the most extraordinary gift. You are my personal angel and I cherish you.



We may never meet, who knows??? I do know you have a permanent home in my heart and I will never evict you. I will carry you with me always. Your existence brings me peace and comfort. I feel safe having you with me. Even when it is your time to go, to move on to other things, a part of you will always be here with me, loved unconditionally.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Egypt, land of the dead

The papyrus sway in the cool night air, dancing to an unheard song. The muddy water of the Nile swishes against the river bank keeping rhythm with the wind. I've always enjoyed this time of night alone. My chance to think and study. I am not supposed to know how to read, much less study the practices of the High Priests. Daughter of the Pharaoh, I am to be seen, not heard, as if I were a child. I am merely a decoration to be adored and catered to.

My twin sister, Kakra, who is minutes younger than I, loves the attention . She is a self indulgent, narcissist. She thinks she is prettier than me, although we are the same. Kakra constantly chides me " You are father's favorite, blessed and named by the Goddess Isis at birth, you really think you are something special. One day I will see that you pay, Eshe!! You will NEVER rule these lands as Queen. I am stronger than you and will be ruler!!"

Dealing with that who wouldn't love a little time alone with the crocodiles and toads??? "I heard that," I hear Kakra say in my head. Okay so I don't ever really get much time alone, my sister and I, while completely different in personality, share a psychic bond and are in each others heads all the time. As little girls, this was fun. We could share secrets and no one could over hear. I know everything about her and she about me. I know she too, has been studying, although she has a preference for the black arts. "Leave me be, Kakra." I hear her laughing response, oh how she loves to torment me.

I open my book to read, but begin to feel very sleepy after sipping from my cup of wine. The words on the pages are a blur and I cannot make them out. As I drift off as I hear echos of my sister's laughter.

I awake to find myself laid out on a stone table stripped of my garments and adornments. My eyes are open and I can see. I can hear the High Priest cast his last rites as the others, adorned in their death ceremony masks chant around us. I wonder who has died??? I try to sit up to see, but cannot move. I feel hands on my body, rubbing scented oils and realize this is the purification ritual of the dead, and they think I am the dead. Panic seizes me, I try to fight, but once again find my body paralyzed by whatever evil spell has been cast. I feel a burning like acid, begin to course through my body and know that she has poisoned me. My own flesh and blood. "I told you I would be Queen" I hear Kakra in my head. "Help me, Kakra, please. This is wrong!!" All I hear is her evil laughter in response to my begging.

A hand reaches across my face and gently closes my eyes and I feel the cool, metal of silver coins being placed on my lids, my fee to cross the river Styx. I scream, but it only resounds in my head. I begin praying to Isis, who blessed me at birth. "Mother Isis, please help me, please let them see that I am still alive." I hear Kakra "No one will help you, you are dead to everyone."

Two strong, masculine hands grab my head and tilt it back. It is the priest. I can smell the burning incense mingled with the sweat of his body as he speaks the death blessing to me. I know what is next and try with all my might to move, to blink, anything so this madness will stop!! I feel the hook begin to make it's way up my nasal passage. It's goal is to remove my brain piece by piece. I try to mentally block out what is happening. It seems to work as the world goes dark.

I come to, feeling dizzy and confused. I can move and breathe, it was only a dream! I open my eyes fully and am taken aback. I am still in the death chamber, although on the floor. I see my body laid out on the table, the priest inserting the hook. I hear my sister in my head "NOOOooooOOo!!! How can this be???? " Now it is my turn to laugh "I am the blessed one Kakra, my name, Eshe is life. You were merely a shadow of me. Now you're body is my vessel, and how convenient it is that I don't have to change a thing. It's great to be twins, is it not, Kakra??" I laugh again at her horror. " I must excuse myself now, it's seems Father is about to come down with the same ailment as I, oh wait, you. I must prepare myself to step into his place."

As I walk out of the chamber, I hear the wet pop and squishing noise as the hook jams into Kakra's brain. I giggle softly as I set out to rule the world.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Sunny Day

I felt the sun today. I opened my front door and there it was in all it's blinding glory. I had to close my eyes against its brightness. For the briefest moment I felt its warmth wrap around me. Inside, I felt the glimmer of happiness I have been seeking, and a renewed sense of hope. I felt its rays caressing my cheek, hot on my skin, and for that moment I felt safe with my place in the world. I slowly opened my eyes and saw reflections of light from a few strands of hair fallen in my face. Then it was gone, but I felt the sun today.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Musings of a 5 Year Old

This morning I woke up far too early, bitchy and bloated to that unavoidable monthly moment all women face (come on menopause, hurry up and get here!!). In the process of getting the children ready for school, and trying not to be impatient with the constant chatter, we hit upon the topic of age.

For some reason all children want to be older than what they are. My seven year old wishes he were ten, then life would be great because he could walk down the road to his friend's house unaccompanied. Every child I've ever spoken to wishes this blessing upon themselves, to be more grown up.

All except my five year old who wishes he was a baby again because, he says, " I was so cute" . So I asked, "Do you not think you are cute now?" His reply, " I am only kind of cute now, but I am growing up. Babies are very cute." This lead him to discover a new philosophy: For every birthday we skip, we grow a year younger. He is looking forward to growing younger as the years go by, and reasons that when he is nine, he will be at the perfect baby age to achieve his ideal cuteness.
In the meantime, he will have to suffer through days of "Boring, nothing to do" school and cleaning his room. Which he finds annoying because he will just have to dump everything out again to find that one perfect toy to play with.

So, I sit here now and think, this one is going to be trouble. He, I believe, will grow into one of those who goes against the grain of society's rules. Perhaps there is hope for our up and coming generation to make changes for the better in our world.