Variantly Val

Resonance of Life

2011-04-28T16:13:00.000-07:00

Darkness resonated from him~ called out to me. I could feel him standing across the dismal, cold room staring, malevolence emanating in waves. Don't look!~ my inner voice screamed ~ I won't! ~ I answered back. Forever bound to the icy, stone wall, unable to run, I kept my head bowed downward staring at the dirt floor of my prison. The action futile I knew, he would win. He always won, but I refused to make it easy~ even for him.

"Look at me!" He demanded. Head down, I laughed. He was grinning at my impudence, amused by my efforts to fight him. But he was counting on my defiance; it fed his soul to have control over me. Satisfied the hunger within him. He knew his inner darkness, the beast that created me, was stronger than any I could imagine.

Foot steps.. falling softly on the ground, he slowly made his way to me. My arousal amplified by his nearing proximity. Oh how much I loved him, but never let him know. But he knew, didn't he? His musky, primal scent abounded stronger the nearer he came until it surrounded me, until I could inhale his very essence. His scent always tempted me in the most intimate ways, luring me, but I always resisted. He leaned into me, his hand running softly across my bruised cheek. His touch seemed to absorb the pain of my wounds. He whispered, warm breath across my ear, "Look at me." An order issued in the most tender of ways. Lusty passion heightened within me, but still I looked away, afraid. "Look at me, my love," he again whispered to me. I could resist no longer. Slowly I raised my chin, this time without pride, without anger to see him for the first time. An action he knew would break me and put me in complete surrender to him. An action I knew would have him surrender to me. Fear!! My shackles tightened around my wrists, squeezing, shooting pain throughout my body, mind and soul. I cried out in agony. "Do not be afraid, my love. " His voice soothing, calming. "Fear only pretends to love you, pretends to protect you. He does not love you, I do. Now look at me my love, see me for what I am." He commanded again.

I began to submit to him, I looked at him. Our eyes locked, my chest heaved, breath catching. Electric shocks of excitement coursed in me. In that moment, able to see the pain and weariness in his eyes I knew there was no place I'd rather be. I wondered what he saw when he looked into mine? The same? He broke our gaze, pressing his face against my neck, his breath warming my chilled flesh. How long had I been bound here? How long had I quietly endured the pain of this captive life? Always wanting to break free to feel the sun shine down upon me, to feel the rain cleanse me, to breathe the air deep into my lungs and smile, to feel green grass under foot and laugh. But no. I endured this cold, callous prison the uncomforting touch of abrasive walls, freezing ice storms. This dreariness could all fade away, if only....

"Submit to me, my love." I closed my eyes against his voice and inhaled, habitually steeling myself to be strong, to fight, to endure. I could feel the tears behind my lids wanting their release. I had only to submit~ my eyes shot open, the salty drops fleeing captivity, running. It was time!

He pulled back, taking my face in his hands, his eyes boring into mine. Then he was there, his mouth pressed against mine, his magic engulfing me, warming me, healing me. My shackles released ~Freedom! ~I wanted to cry, but he was there, taking my words, his tongue brushing softly against my lip, finding his way in~ passion ~ passion unlike any I've known before filled me. Free! I was finally free to feel, to be. I touched him for the very first time, entranced by his beauty. "Say my name," he requested of me. I paused as fear reached for me, causing my shackles to clang against the wall behind me, a reminder. "Say it!" He commanded.

"Life!" I cried, "You are life!" A solitary tear fell from his eye, a tear for me. "Yes, I am life my love. I have been waiting for you and I'm all yours." My arms unbound and Fear behind me, I embraced him. "Promise me, my love, promise me you will never let me go again," he asked, wrapping his loving arms around me. "I promise."

Rayna's Quest: Continued

2011-01-15T19:01:00.000-08:00

Live for the moment, Rayna. Umm, yeah, this was working out real well. She thought to herself as she held on to the minuscule ledge with her fingertips. She searched the cliff face for more nooks but could see nothing but smooth, sheer, rock. It seemed unnatural for the entire top quarter of the cliff to look like a sheet of glass. But low and behold, there it was.

"Oh for shits sake!" She hollered. A high pitched screeching echoed up from below. Glancing down she noticed several dark forms gathering at the base of the cliff in line with her. That's just great, smarty girl. Now what are you going to do?

From above, it heard the things voice and was surprised to understand the vulgarity that spewed from the things mouth. It understood the thing's language, or it was a trick. It had to be a trick. It unfurled its legs and bellied up to the edge of the cliff to glance down. It saw the thing hanging on, but not moving. What a stupid thing, couldn't even see past the islands glamour. It chuckled to itself at the things predicament but stiffened when it heard the shrieking. Kroyzan!

It could see the Kroyzan scurrying up the cliff wall behind the thing, tongues snapping at the air. It hated the Kroyzan. Mindless ugly beasts, scaly, four legged, foul smelling things. It could now see the yellow glow of the creatures eyes as they climbed their way towards their prey. Mine! It thought, not yours, you disgusting, malformed, Hell rejects!

Rayna began to panic as she saw the dark shapes making their was towards her on the cliff. She had no defense, could not use her magic. She was going to die here, alone. Worse yet, she would die and be a meal for some wicked beasts. What a way to go, where's the honor in that? She sighed.

It couldn't allow this! At least the thing was near the top. It placed its hands on the granite, calling forth its will. It's eyes glowed bright green in the black night as power surged forth and into the rock. The front face of the cliff began emitting an eerie red glow, swiftly covering the distance between the summit and where the kroyzan were nearing their prize. The rock a conduit for the searing heat that that forced the kroyzan to release their hold and plummet back into the sand at the base of the cliff. Rayna too had to let go and began descending in air towards the beach.

Her eyes grew wide with fear as she tried to call forth her will. She noticed a slight slowing in her fall and focused deeper to draw on all her power. Green eyes. She swore she saw glowing green eyes staring down at her as she looked to the heavens. No time for that. She envisioned herself in a giant bubble, softly floating towards the ground. She heard the creatures below her yowling. She thought it sounded like laughter at the excitement of having their meal delivered right to their doorstep. She readied herself mentally for the imminent landing, she did not draw her sword for fear of losing it when she hit the ground.

She was grateful for what little magic did seem to keep her from breaking on landing. The wind was knocked out of her when she hit the sand. She quickly assessed herself, decided nothing was broken. She could smell them before she saw them circling around her. A putrid, rotting smell mixed with a hint of sulphur. She quickly got to her feet and could immediately count seven of the creatures closing in, wet growling noises the warning of the coming attack. "What the hell are you?" she asked as she reached over her shoulder and withdrew her weapon from its leather sheathing. "Let's do this already," she announced, and took her stance, sword at the ready.

Rayna's Quest: Part 1

2010-10-16T20:19:00.000-07:00

Death didn't just come knocking on the door, he kicked it in. The little witch wasn't going to escape him this time. He charged through the dimly lit foyer trying to scent on his prey. He'd tracked her to the house, isolated in the woods. She thought she'd be safe for a little while, but he was made a man of vengence by her deceit. She would pay and dearly for what she took from him.

Rayna was certain Branston would be coming for her, she just hadn't expected him so soon. She wasn't ready for him like she was the last times, and felt fear growing in the pit of her stomach. She began to gather the mediums laid out on the floor. He couldn't find them, otherwise he would use those powers against her. She grinned knowing most of his anger was due to the fact that she tricked him, she felt a sense of pride in how easy he fell for her. She could still feel his strength flowing through her blood, fresh, as if she'd just captured it. She knew she had ignited an anger in him that turned him deadly and cruel. If he ever managed to catch up to her, or, goddess forbid, recapture all of his energy, she'd be a dead woman in a heartbeat. There would be no mercy.

"Rayna!! I've come for you, witch! I know you're here! I can smell you. Tonight, Rayna, tonight you'll be mine again. I can't wait to hear your screams," he exclaimed as he charged down the hallway. He laughed as the excitment grew within in. He would finally be able to kill her and reclaim what was his. He couldn't wait to feel her delicate neck breaking under his brawny hands. For so long he had relished the thought of watching her life force drain from her, imagined her eyes wide with shock and horror before her light faded to nothingness. Where once her beauty stirred his his loins, now the thought of her dead set him on the brink. Perhaps he would take her one more time before her demise. He grinned and started climbling the stairs to the upper floor, where he sensed her.

Rayna heard the creak of the wooden steps as he made his ascent, she had to get out. She hurriedly grabbed the remaining items, stuffed them in her jacket and fled to the window. Three stories up, it was her only escape. If she could make it to the woods she could flash to the island where she would be undetectable by him. Waving her hand and speaking a soft incantation, the window opened. She dove head first out of it, turning on the way down to land on her feet and ran to the cover of the woods.

"You bitch!!" He called out, his fury a viable entity that she felt, even at a distance. "Run, Rayna. But know I will bring you to the Altar of Sha'lain. I will make this your destiny, I swear to it!"

Rayna heard his words and thought, not if I can help it, you bastard! She couldn't resist turning and flipping him the bird. "You're too slow again, Branston! Have fun tracking me now," She laughed and prepared herself for the quick journey. Flashing wasn't so bad once you got used to it. She inhaled deeply, readying herself for the momentary gust of freezing wind to carry her to her destination, and in the blink of an eye found herself back where she said she'd never go again. Back where this whole mess began.

Rayna stood on the sandy shore of the island, warding off the shivers from the flash. She glanced up at the granite wall that loomed in front of her, mentally marking the path of her climb. The energy surrounding the island rebounded her in her attempt to flash to her desired arrival point. The forces were set in place as a saftey device, an ancient alarm, to keep the adventurous from chancing a stay on the isle. Rayna was the first to brave the land in over 500 years, or so she thought. What the hell are you doing, Rayna? a voice whispered teasingly, seeming to be carried on the wind, it was followed by others, some friendly, some down right malicious. We're glad you're back Rayna, we missed you. You're going to die here, Rayna. Yes, let the little one die. We need her for the rising. She will be invincible. Rayna, you must not let this happen.

"All of you shut the hell up. I'm in no mood for this drivel!" Rayna shouted out to them and to nothing, the sound of her voice consumed by the wind. She knew the spirits couldn't harm her, she had been warded as a child and would be protected from the haunts no matter what. The other creatures that inhabited the desolate, barren place were another story. Phantoms or some said, demons, that dwelled in this demention as well as their own wandered both realms freely, although they were confined to the island on this side. Rayna didn't know the name of the place they hailed from, but caught a glimpse of the hellish nightmare that they called home in her visions. The thought of it filled her with dread. With luck, the beasts would be dormant. Knowing the time of Sha'lain was coming, and the energies of the mystics was increasing, she highly doubted luck would be on her side.

Sha'lain's arrival was immenent and had been foretold for centuries. Rayna's sacrifice, or lack there of, if she could prevent it, would be the detirming factor of Sha'lain's strength. If captured and put on the alter, Sha'lain would rule an eternal life on Earth. The fates would decide if the alien landscape in Rayna's visions would be set forth upon all the lands; if the humans would be fodder for hungry beasts. Rayna, knew she could stop it, if only she could make it to the cave.

As she got her bearings straight, and began her climb up the sheer cliff, a set of glowing green eyes watched her every move from above. It didn't like being disturbed. It didn't like sharing it's territory. It must be an invasion, it thought, but where was this thing's army? Surely this.. thing... must be a fool to think it could defeat me, especially alone.

It watched, impressed, as Rayna skillfully managed her free climb up the sheer, cold wall of stone; carefully securing her hand hold before executing her next move, swiftly making her way to the top. It grinned, knowing it would take her life, once she succeeded. It sat, folding it's legs beneath itself and waited for her.

Reflections of Beauty

2010-10-16T14:11:00.000-07:00

I stand in front of a square of mirror each morning carefully applying the paint of an urban female warrior. This is what I do, this is what I am trained for. Each brush is skillfully used to embellish every facial feature to perfection. Swirling colors to blend so you cannot tell where one stops and one begins. My face a daily canvas to be remade to reflect sexy, charming, in control.

Golden strands of hair fall around my face in soft flowing waves. All in place designed to be stared at; to be touched.

Matching clothing flattering just the right curves of the body.. coordinated handbag and shoes with not a speck of dirt on them. Which sunglasses to wear, to tie a pretty bow on the package?

A quick look in the mirror to ensure all is right. Pretty girl staring back with empty eyes. I look away for fear of confronting the truth.

Inside a slow scream starts to form.. pushing it’s way up, wanting to be set free. Push it back down, it cannot escape, there is no time for dwelling on what should be.

Echos haunt my mind, “you’re such a pretty girl” ; “how can you be sad, you’re so pretty”; “you have it made, you're so pretty”; “we like being around you, YOU’RE SO…. PRETTY”

SHUT UP!! I cannot talk to you now, I have beauty to throw around, tell your lines to somebody else. They mean nothing to me.

Look into my lifeless eyes and tell me how pretty I am once you really see me. Tell me how pretty I am now that you know the truth, now that you see reflections of beauty in me.

Star Dust

2010-09-30T17:21:00.000-07:00

She was once the patient one, always willing to wait. The one who always understood being left behind. She was once brave, standing in the face of fear and shouting in it's face to end it's injustices against those who cannot defend themselves. The one who can hide the hurt bestowed upon her in the most secret places, no one can find. Falsified, personified by appearances, she was the pretty one, an easy guise to feign. To all who knew her, she was a rock, seeming to stand solid and strong, while inside she crumbled as easily as a thin layer of shale. She would hand out smiles she could barely muster, hiding tears that wanted to fall.

In the dark of night alone, wondering what it's all for, she is weak. She knows she has failed herself, has lost her potential to be someone, because she chose to always help someone else. Now she is alone and scared. She is tired, age slowly stealing her youth, wasted energy sapped away by the selfish ones. A willing sacrifice, her light slowly fades like the setting sun. She has no one to blame but herself, for allowing to be set aside like a little doll , to be abused, to be unknown. As she was in death, she smiled as she surrendered to the end, the darkness come to engulf her soul.

A shining star, dimmed by the world, to dust she does return.

Grams' Last Wish

2010-09-18T15:21:00.000-07:00

I've always hated hospitals. They're where people come to die.

So here I sit holding onto Grams' fragile hand. Her skin feels soft, but paper thin. I think to the future, when one day it will be my young plump hand that will be transformed into an aging, fraile stick of bones covered by the thin sheeting of flesh. I wonder if anyone will be holding my hand when my time comes?

I look around the plain room, beige walls, one single picture of sunflowers hanging so the person in the bed has a view. Poor Grams, I think to myself. This room is so dreary, no wonder it's easy to die here. At least she is in her room alone and won't have to share her death with a stranger.

"Can I get you anything Grams?" I ask of the old lady whom I have adored my whole life. Her hair has thinned, along with the rest of her. Her gray strands surround her face like a fine feather down. Face wrinkled from her 86 years of life. Her eyes are still bright and knowing though. I am again grateful she never lost her mind. Sure people may have said she was crazy, but I know she just wanted to lead them to believe that.

"No thank you, my dearest child. You took care of what I asked you?" Her voice is raspy and weak. I know her time is coming soon.

"Oh Grams, you know I would do anything you asked of me. Of course I took care of it. He should be here soon." I answer her. Grams and I have always been close. I am the only person in the family she trusts.

"You're a good girl sweety." She smiles at me, her green eyes twinkling. I have Grams' eyes, and have been told by everyone that I am indeed, her spitting image. I can't see how that can be. I've seen pictures of her when she was young. She was a stunner. Besides, my eyes don't twinkle like that. It always surprised me she was never married. Always amazed me that she managed to have a child out of wed lock in her date and time.

She managed to eek a living, and feed her only son, my father, by selling things she made. She educated him and managed to save enough money for him to go to college. When he was 18 he left her, alone in her little log cabin in the woods. It's no wonder the rumors about her were created. Grams is the evil old witch who eats children, according to town lore.

My father broke her heart when he left. He never visted except one time to show her me. I used to sneak out of the house at night beginning when I was 5, to go see her. No one ever knew. She told me they would keep me away.

Grams taught me to make all the little things she did. How to cast spells, and to chanel the dead. Yes Grams is a witch, but she does not eat children. She told me it is a special gift, passed only to the women in the family. I always kept our secret and never told anyone about what we did.

"So your father will come see me on my death bed then?" She asked me.

"Yes, Grams. He should be here anytime now."

"I hope he hurries. I can feel my time growing thin. What's keeping him?"

"I don't know Grams. Maybe he had to work late."

"That bitch of a wife of his is probably trying to stop him. She's like that, as you know. Controlling bitch!"

"Grams, don't get yourself all worked up. Besides, that bitch you're talking about is my mother. I know you don't like her. I don't even like her. I wish it were her lying here on this bed, not you! I don't want you to go, Grams."

"I know my dear. Just remember that Grams is never going to leave you." Her eyes twinkle at me again.

I smile back at her, and try to make it as happy looking as I can.

"I don't deserve your love, Sophia." Grams says to me.

"Stop that crazy talk, Grams. I love you and that's that!"

I notice the sun setting through the blind covered window and wonder where the hell my father is? Grams has nodded off again, and I can't help but wonder if she will wake up this time. Her breathing has grown very shallow and she looks very pale. I wish he'd hurry.

I get up from the hard chair I have been sitting in and start to go through the closet and drawers, gathering her things. I figure I might as well start collecting her personal items. I don't think she's going to make it through the night.

In the drawer beside her her bed I find a packaet of stationary and furrow my eyebrows. I don't recall seeing it before. Perhaps one of the nurses brought it in to her. There is one nurse here that has taken to Grams. She is from another country, Sweden I think, but can't quite remember her name. I look through the delicately designed papers and find a note written in Grams' hand. I know I shouldn't intrude, but my curiosity gets the better of me. The letter isn't addressed to anyone in particular, so I read:

I want to thank everyone in my life for keeping me going. I am grateful for all the time I got to spend with you, getting to know you and watch you grow. I am thankful for the gifts you have given me each year and the gift you will bestow upon me in death. I have only one regret.......

"Hmmm," I say outloud thinking perhaps this is a draft of a letter to someone as it seems incomplete, no heading and no closing. I shrug my shoulders and set the stationary back in the drawer and notice Grams looking at me with a sad look on her face.

"I'm sorry Grams. I didn't mean to be so nosy, I know this is your personal business."

Just then the door to the room opens and in walks my father.

"Hello Sophia, Mother." He says as he sets a vase of beautiful red roses on a table near the wall under the sunflower painting. Those are so much prettier to look at. I smile and greet my father with a hug and kiss on the cheek.

"Gregory! You made it!" Grams says with such excitment in her voice.

Father strides across the room, leans his tall frame over Grams and kisses her forehead. "How are you, Mother?" He inquires, emphasising "Mother" and with a strange smile on his face. Perhaps he is just trying to be strong. Perhaps this is really bothering him more then he is letting on. I'lll have to talk to him later.

"My you have grown into a handsome man, let me look at you," she says, a big grin on her face.

I unzip my jacket as I start to feel a bit warm. I've had the heat on al day since Grams seems to stay cold all the time . The heat in the room is stiffling. Father looks over to me, a worried look crosses his face. "Are you alright Soph?? You don't look well."

"It's just hot in here. I guess it's hitting me now that I am up and about."

"Sit down sweety, I'll get you some water." He walks out the door.

Grams reaches the control on her bed and moves it to a sitting position. I can tell it is taking a lot of out of her to accomplish.

I start to get up, "Let me help you Grams."

"No, no hun. You just sit tight. Your father's right, you don't look too hot."

"Oh trust me, I am hot." I try joking. I can feel the beads of sweat falling from my hairline down the side of my face. My father walks back in with a cup of iced water in his hand and offers it to me.

"Thanks, Dad." I gulp at the water, the coolness winding it's way down my throat. It feels good. I hand the cup back to him and lean my head back on the chair. I feel very weird, like I am in that stage of sleeping when you aren't quite there and not quite awake. I swear I see my father bring some candles out of his briefcase and light them. How peculiar this dream is. I giggle a little. I hear voices chanting around me and feel something wet being put on my forehead. I can't seem to hear what is being said and don't know what is on my head, but it feels cool. I can't move. I hate dreams like this. Then I start to fall into a deep sleep, met by darkness.

I don't know how long I slept, but feel very groggy and weak upon opening my eyes. Everything is blurry for a minute then my eyes finally focus somewhat. I still can't quite manage to focus. I am staring at the picture of the sunflowers, and the vase of bright, blood red roses under it. I am confused. Am I sick??? After all, hospitals are where people come to die. They must have moved my chair.

Then I hear my voice asking me, "Grams, grams, are you okay?"

I shake my head and try to speak, but my mouth won't work. I can barely breath. I turn my head and see me staring back at me. God, I've got to wake up!! This is freaky!! My father walks up behind the me I am looking at and leans down and kisses my neck, only it is not my neck any longer is it? This just keeps getting creepier and creepier. And ewww on my dad hitting on me.

I feel a warm hand on what is now my own and look into eyes that are mine, but not mine. My eyes don't twinkle like that. I realize this is no dream. "My only regret, love," I have visions of the letter written on the pretty stationary, "is that it had to be you. I am sorry for this, but you see, I had to find a way to be with your father again. Gregory and I have been in love since we were young and we found a way to be with each other forever. A soul for a soul and you are my sacrifice."

Panic engulfs my mind as it gets harder and harder to breathe. The door opens again and in walks the Swedish nurse. "Is it done?" She asks in her heavy accent.

Gregory steps forward and stares into my eyes, "It is done." He is smiling as I feel my last breath slip away from me, then all is dark again.

Shadowed Dreams

2010-09-18T10:36:00.000-07:00

I close my eyes and think of you, smiling in the moonlight. We've known each other all our lives but have never met. Souls collide towards one union, forever in Love's embrace. I feel you near me, can smell your primal scent. I feel your lips at my ear, whispering promises of pleasure and release. My body quivers at your touch and I am under your command. Fingertips glide through my hair as you press your lips to the back of my neck, soft and warm. I cannot find the will to fight you, my desire burns. I am under your spell, pliable to your every whim. I try to pull away, but you will not allow this show of rebellion and firmly pull me back to you. Pinned against your body, I am once again contained. Flashes of lightening streak across the sky, I feel the electricity sizzle in the air, heightening my arousal. I gasp for breath as your hands transverse my body. I am unable to contain the energy flowing through me as I turn to press my lips to yours. I reach for you but there is nothing. I slowly open my eyes to the early morning light, my heart aching for you, longing to be near you again. Tonight my love, we shall meet again in the dream scape that is our secret place.

KITTY CATS ON THE PROWL

2010-09-17T15:01:00.000-07:00

Little black cats, when the moon is full
Creeping through the darkness
Looking for their souls

Fur shining bright, on a full moon eve
Lurking in the shadow
Looking for reprieve

Muddy little paw prints, leading up your walk
Right up to your front door
You didn't hear them knock?

Little black cats, sneaking through your dwelling
You can hear them closing in
There is no reason yelling

Claws tippy tapping, all across the floor
As soon as they can catch you
Your soul will be no more

They'll find you in your closet or underneath your bed
The covers cannot save you
You're as good as dead

They're scrambling much faster, scenting on their meal
Target dead in their sight
Tracking on your heel

Frantic racing all around, trying to get away
The kitty cats are coming
And they want to play

You are now encircled, feline beasts surround
Moving in to steal your soul
They bring you to the ground

Final screams are never heard, by neighbors in your know
One kitty cat has eaten
One hundred more to go

Kiss the Bride

2010-09-17T15:00:00.000-07:00

This is my first attempt at a little shorty for Halloween. My friend David Hunter is taking spooky, scary, haunting stories for his Campfire pages: Halloween ... So I thought why the heck not??? You can check out the finished piece at http://dficx.blogspot.com/ and submit a piece of your own while your at it. Thank you David!!

Hope you enjoy :o)

It has finally arrived, the day every girl dreams of. Beautiful dresses, dancing, marrying the man of her dreams. Here I sit in my exquisitely decorated room ,compliant to my handmaids perfecting my hair, weaving fresh jasmine in my curls. The scent is intoxicating, I feel light headed. I am fitted into a white, gauzy flowing gown, making me feel vulnerable and erotic. I do not know who it is I am to marry, I've never met the man. My handmaids all wear the same expression of sorrow that reflects my own. I can't help but wonder if they know something about this man and are keeping some secret hidden from me. Perhaps he is cruel, or wicked. Whatever he may be, I am to be his bride on this night. I have no choice.

From the open window, I can hear the cries of the wind sweeping across the fissured limestone of The Burren, a lifeless tract of land that lies at the foot of the Cliffs of Moher. Echos from the cliffs scream out into the night, warning of the danger should one try to climb this time of year. The sound is haunting and frightening. Stories of wild, shape shifting beasts, eating men alive are passed down to keep children from wandering to that barren wasteland. They are just stories, I tell myself as I shiver, from the damp cold or fear, I do not know. Something seems amiss, no one will talk to me.My thoughts are interrupted by a knock at the door, it is my guard, Gavin. He has come to collect me and escort me to my wedding place. Hesitantly, I rise from my chair feeling a deep abyss form within me. I do not want this night, I do not want to be given to a complete stranger. I open the door to see Gavin's face looking down on me, a deep sadness in his eyes. I lightly touch his hand and smile. This is the man I would rather be bedding tonight as wife. This man with hair as black as coal and eyes bluer than ice. He is my secret love.

As we begin the decent down the castle steps, I begin to shake. I feel hungry, perhaps I should have eaten earlier, at least a wedding means a feast. Gavin takes me gently by the arm and continues to show me through the castle and out into the cold, dark night. I walk bare footed along the dirt path feeling bits of stone and patches of cool grass beneath my feet. Through town, the people await my arrival, lining the streets for this exalted event. As we pass, the crowd grows behind us. I look up as we walk the gauntlet, seeing the dour faces of my people. I glance briefly at Gavin, looking for comfort, before turning my eyes back to the dirt. I want to run, right now. I could hide in the cliffs, surely the legends aren't real. I could survive. His hand grips my arm a bit tighter as if he can read my thoughts of escape.

At last we reach the site. Gray, stone pillars reach towards the sky, torches are lit, shedding spectral light upon the scene. Bouquets of fresh, scarlet roses and white, baby's breath adorn every surface. A wintery breeze numbs me. It is alluring and majestic. I see my father standing off to the right, adorned in his best velvets and silks, he smiles sadly at me. I return his smile and start my hesitant walk to the altar, where my groom awaits my arrival. To my surprise he is handsome. Tall ,elegant, with dark hair, green eyes, how lovely he is indeed.

My apprehension is dissolved, I am looking forward to having this man who stares at me with large eyes. Hot feelings flash from my inner core, making me forget the cold, as I approach the altar and kneel. The priest begins his ritual words binding this delicious man to me. I can smell the scrumptious aroma of tonight's feast being prepared, my stomach growls, my mouth waters. At last the priest finishes his solemn words to us, we are bound forever.

I get up and lean to my new prince for our first passionate kiss. He struggles against the chains binding him to the altar and screams as I climb atop his writhing body and plunge my elongated fangs into his flesh. He thrashes against me, as a lover in the deep throes of passion as I drain his life's blood from him. I am famished and do not take my time with him. Quickly he grows silent and lifeless in my arms.

I feel a strong hand on my back, letting me know the deed is done. Gavin assists me in getting down from the altar. Smiling, he wipes the remnants of tonight's feast from my mouth before pressing his lips to mine. Smiling in return, I kiss him back, thinking to myself, mmmm dessert!!

A Super Quick, Penetrating Death

2010-09-10T19:47:00.000-07:00

She grabbed her keys off the dresser as she hurried out the door; late for the charity event. She looked stunning in her new Dior, green with sequins for extra pizzaz.

Speeding down the old country road, she slammed on her brakes as she noticed the over turned vehicle ahead blocking both lanes. She stepped out of her car into the pitch black darkness. The silence pierced by the hoot of an owl in the distance stalking it's prey.

Seeing the blood from the body hanging out of the driver's window, she knows he could not have survived. She slowly approached, pulling out her cell phone to call 911. She stared at the man's lifeless eyes, her morbid fixation satisfied. That close, she could smell the fumes of gasoline, and realized his engine was still struggling to run.

Suddenly, she was blinded by a powerful flash and her ears deafened by the loud explosion of the motor. She barely felt the penetration of the axle through her stomach as it was sent sailing through the air like a high powered spear.

She looked down as she touched the metal rod protruding from her body, blood covering her hands. In her shock, all she could think was, "Damn, I can't go to the party with a hole in my dress!" She collapsed onto the asphalt, her party plans cancelled for those of dying alone.

Stranger Danger

2010-09-05T18:07:00.000-07:00

She blushed like a school girl the first time she saw him as they passed in the crowded street. He was so handsome, how could God have made a man so beautiful. Tall, lean with short cut hair, and oh those green eyes that seemed to glow. Green eyes were always her favorite.

He smiled a crooked smile when he noticed her looking at him. She turned her head downward, looking to the sidewalk under her feet; a huge smile played across her lovely face. Oh shit, did he see how red I am, as if I've never seen a man before. Geez Louise, you're such an idiot. She scolded herself.

He did notice her. He noticed her long, silky looking blonde hair, styled so it free fell around her shoulders. He noticed the large bright blue eyes that jumped out from her lovely face and of course he noticed her large breasts. She tried to cover them, and succeeded in only enhancing the curvaceousness of her chest. A girl simply cannot hide breasts like that no matter what she wears. What caught his attention the most was how bashful she became when he smiled at her. He was used to having women look at him, but seldom do they react so innocently to his looks. He had to get to know this lovely woman. He glanced at his watch, checking the time and committing it to memory so he could try to pass her by again the next morning. Hopefully this was a regular route for her morning commute. He'd have to come on gently with her, obviously. She isn't like most of the other women, who like it brazen and bold. As he walked on he contemplated how he would meet the blonde.

Her work day went by as usual with Mr. Saggysac (her name for her flirtatious old wrinkly boss) harassing her. Dropping papers so he could watch her pick them up. She always thought it would be funny to bring in one of those poky sticks they use in the park to clean up trash. That would teach him. By the end of the workday, she was ready to be home. She gathered her bag and her umbrella as it was fore casted to rain in the afternoon and began her venture home.

Upon walking out of the mirrored high rise where she works she was greeted with clashes of thunder and a bright flash of lightning bolting across the sky. She sighed deep and looked down at her shoes. I forgot my damn sneakers again, and I can't let these babies get ruined. She managed to kick off her shoes and get them tucked safely away in her bag just as the first drops began to fall from the sky. In her rush, she did not noticed the man standing at the end of the building entrance and ran right into him, he umbrella prongs poking him in the face.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry! I didn't see you there!" She exclaimed as he fought off the attacking beast. "I'm so clumsy, I'm so so sorry. Are you okay?"

Finally wrestling the umbrella from his face, he looked down at the little blonde before him. Laughing to himself at her bare feet and the fact that she barely stood as high as his chest. "It's okay, I'm fine," he said casually.

"I'm so embarr," she started to say as she looked up at him, her breath hitching in her chest. OMG, it's him! And you nearly poked his eyes out, gahhh how dumb can you be? "Geez, I wasn't watching where I was going, I can't apologize enough. I'm so glad I didn't poke out your eyes!" She exclaimed.

"Really, no worries here. So anyways, I'm glad I ran into you. I know this sounds nuts, but I noticed you this morning, and I was just going to wait until morning and try to see you then, but I thought I'd just go out on a limb here. Okay, now I am the embarrassed one, but I saw you, and thought you were so pretty, and well I was hoping you might let me have you over for dinner, maybe see if we get along? Corny, I know, but I don't get out much and I thought I'd just take a chance."

She was stunned and could only stammer out a few "uhs" as her brain swirled and she felt the excitement of going out with him.

"Okay, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to put you on the spot. I don't go out to bars, and well like I said, I hadn't been out in a while, so umm never mind, okay. Just pretend this whole moment never happened." He started to turn and walk away.

"No, wait!" She called after him, "No, don't be embarrassed. I was just a bit shocked. I don't get out much either, obviously. So you know what? If you're taking a chance on me, I'll take a chance on you and say yes. I'd love to have dinner with you. When would you like to?"

The sky broke open at that very moment, beginning to drench them both. He grabbed her umbrella and raised above them and placed his hand on her back and led her to the shelter of the building outcrop. They both laughed at the situation. Damn, he's even more handsome when he laughs, she thought to herself.

"I'll call a car for us," he said as he pulled his blackberry out of his pocket. "The car will be here in a few minutes. Why don't we just do this dinner thing tonight? We can run by your place so you can change, then on to my place. I have a fantastic chef."

All of her mother's warnings shot through her head; "Don't get into cars with strangers." "Don't talk to strangers." "Don't bring strangers home and let them know where you live." But Mama, how's a girl supposed to meet anyone if I do those things? She chided herself. Besides she was taking a chance here. He was cute. She glanced up at his stunningly handsome face and smiled, "Sure, that sounds good."

He smiled back at her, a twinkle in his eye.

The car pulled up, again she was surprised by him, as it was a long black stretch limousine. Geez, Louise, don't act like a girl from the boondocks here. Just pretend it's no big deal. What would he think if he knew your roots. But who'd have thunk it, the girl from the swamps, is now riding in a limo. Hahaha, everyone back home would be so jealous, especially Ida Mae.

The driver got out, and opened the rear door for them. Once again he placed his rather large hand at the small of her back and ushered her to the car while holding her umbrella over their heads. He handed it to the chauffeur as he entered the car behind her, smiling as he got a good look at her ass bent in front of him. He knew then she was not accustomed to being driven in a luxury car. Any lady knows you slide in, so as not to show what you don't want seen.

"First time in a limo?" He inquired.

"Umm, yes, how'd you know?"

"From the nice view you gave me when we got in," he said with a grin.

Then he laughed when she turned bright red. It was quite an attractive look on her. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel awkward, but really, you have a very nice"

"Don't you even say it to me!" She interrupted, "I have to listen to Mr. Saggysac say things like that to me all day long, and I won't listen to it from you, Mister!" She said sternly, as she pointed a finger in his face. Oh God, please don't let him be another butt crater.

"Yes, Maam," he replied, a smirk still on his face. He reaches out a takes a lock of her hair between his fingers, enjoying the silky feel of it, he leans in and sniffs it. "Mmm you're hair smells good. Why don't we just head to my place? You can wear some of my clothes. It's already 7:30 and really I'm quite famished." He asked casually.

"This is just weird, maybe you should just bring me home and let's forget about dinner. Maybe do it another night when we can plan. This is crazy. I'm barefooted and soaked, I imagine I look a fright, and well you looked at my ass and didn't hide it. Your looking, not my ass. What kind of man admits to those things?" She said.

"I suppose I am coming off a bit strong. I'm really not used to women like you. Most of the women I have known have been hard and tough. Part of what appealed to me about you was how you blushed when I smiled at you. I thought, this is a nice girl. But maybe you're right, what am I going to do with a nice girl anyways?"

I can't believe this stupid line is working on me. Okay so what's the worst that happens, huh? You go to his place, eat something, hell girl, have some sex for a change. It's normal, and who could blame you for doing that? She sighs in resignation, "Fine, we'll go to your place and I'll dress up in your over sized Godzilla clothes."

"That's better," He says as he reaches for the bar and pours up a couple of Scotches and hands one of the crystal highballs to her.

Great, Mr. Pretty is a giant ass crater she thinks, a feeling of disappointment washing over her. But hey, perk up sister, at least you can have sex with a hot guy if you want. Pssshh he's probably too self involved for it to even be worth it. One day a man will come along who knows how to treat a lady, and know how to do a lady right.

They arrive at his penthouse apartment, no surprise there. His butler shows her to a guest room and hands her some dry clothes to put on. "I'll be taking my leave now, Miss, so if you need anything else, please enquire of the master." He bows as he makes his retreat out the door. She strips off her wet clothes and stands naked in the middle of the room. She knows she is just here for this one night, he hasn't even asked her name. He expects you to be his whore for the evening. You aren't anything more to him than that. Why even bother putting any other clothes on?

She walks out of the bedroom completely nude, winds her way down the hallway and into the living room. It's a very boring room, all white; white carpet, white furniture,with a glass wall over looking the city skyline. He raises his eyebrow as she enters, "We both know what this is about, so why bother pretending?" She says flatly. "So fuck dinner, and let's get this over with."

He growls in the back of his throat as he begins unbuttoning his shirt, "I like a woman who gets right to the point," He says. She walks over and grabs both sides of his expensive button up shirt and rips it open, sending the buttons flying helter skelter. He smiles. She continues to work his belt off, and undoing the buttons on his slacks, and lets them fall to the floor around his ankles. He's already kicked off his shoes and socks. His breathing increases and his excitement is quite visible at her actions. Heat begins to radiate off his bare skin, a hotness she has never felt off another human. His breathing gets faster and faster, like a panting dog. A shiver works it's way through her. Her breathing is beginning to keep pace with his. The excitement is thick in the air.

Lightning flashes across the sky, striking something on top of the building next door. Sparks fly, a beautiful display of fireworks, just for them, then all of the lights go out, leaving them both in the pitch black of the night.

His fingers run gently through her hair, then grab it firmly. He pulls her head back and places his lips over hers, kissing her hotly, his tongue forcing it's way between her teeth. She relaxes in his embrace and allows her natural feelings to wash over her. He growls in her ear, she can feel his form under her hands begin to move. The muscles growing taunt, a hardness over taking him. She feels the change, the silky fur entwining in her fingers and then she knows. Her screams are cut short by his sharp canines tearing into her throat. Flashes of the evening going through her head, his leering smile, his doggish ways, how he said he wanted to have her for dinner, and that he was famished. She should have listened to Mama's warning about strangers. She should have remembered about stranger danger.

Don't try to be our friend and leave us, it hurts

2010-08-24T13:42:00.000-07:00

@LindaKennero and I wrote this poem.... don't try to be our friend then leave us...it hurts... like this...

If u see me walk away, please dont force me to stay, I have to fly .....

I thought you were my happiness and soul, then you changed, and led me astray, I have to fly...

I was lost in love and didn´t see, where this road would lead, I followed you I was blind, didnt know where to fly..

We spread our wings like eagles, I was breathless from the new heights you had taken me, we would soar together, we'd fly...

I wanted to go higher and higher up in the sky, no fear, no pain, just fly away,i gave u my trust I gave u my heart..

Like a bird of prey, you snatched me up, then tore at me with sharp talons of words, breaking me down, but no more!!

No more I said when u let me go, crushed to the ground, after a really high fall !!!!!

I struggled with my body full of broken bones, I knew I was suffering internal injuries, then you poked your beak in my ear..

With my broken arm I tried to chase you away,but my arm didnt go my way,dangers were lurking and my ear start to hurting..

And in my mind my thoughts were burning... or was that the pain throughout my self, will death come soon enough for me to fly?

I rise from the dust and fly away, u my love killed me fast, one flight and I was gone,crushed to the ground with broken bones...

I stare down at my corpse, cooling in the night air.. my spirit flying higher and higher and I think.. as I fly...

Our story starts where it will end, I´m flyin higher and higher and higher and higher and higher and higher.......... and higher....I fly, the end.

Step UP!!!

2010-08-21T14:00:00.000-07:00

This is a repost from last year but I think the message still stands today;

Are you one of those people who think whatever is going on with your neighbors or the strangers in the street isn't your business???? Think again. I just had a lovely day having lunch with my Mother and the kids. Mom decided she needed to buy something for the grands so we headed over to Wal Mart too look for Leggo Star Wars for the Wii System. We found it, on sale too, so that was a bonus. Mom made her purchase and left to begin her three hour drive back home. The kids and I decided we needed to pick up a few things and began our journey through the store.

I am using a new tactic to curb my over spending, and that is to not use a shopping cart. If I can't carry it up, then I don't really need it. My arms were loaded down with a gallon of milk, a bag of catfood and my purse. I rounded the corner to the bread aisle as we needed hamburger buns for our cook out tonight when low and behold there was a man shoving at a girl. At first I thought they were playing, we've all done that with the ones we love, play fight and wrestle. Then I saw the anger and hatred on his face. At about the same time as this realization, he shoved the girl very hard twice, then reared back his right hand and slapped her on the side of the face and head. I turned to usher my children away from danger and my man child (16 yr old) said "Mom, that guy just punched that girl". I urged my kids around the corner, dropped my groceries and purse and turned back and said to the man "Get your f****** hands off of her right now".

This is all it took to get that man to stop hitting the girl. A few simple words to end a possible beating. During this time I noticed two other women and a man walk by, none of them stopped. Why??? Why are people so afraid to step in to help someone??? Unfortunately, in my town I suspect it was because the girl was black and it didn't matter to them. Which is another reason I stepped in, because I knew someone would step up if it was a white woman getting hit in a public store. And, I must confess, I really wanted an opportunity to hurt that man.

After giving my statement to the police, I went out to the truck where my oldest was waiting with the two little ones. Dereck asked me "Mom, why did you do that??? It's none of our business." This truly broke my heart as I thought I instilled better values in my child. I asked him "Why wouldn't I step in??" He said "What if that guy had a gun and shot you?" and I realized it isn't my teaching that is bad, it's the public opinion. My son has been conditioned to turn away from someone needing help because it may endanger his own life. I've never really given that aspect much thought. This is not the first time I have stepped in on a strangers behalf.

I once fought a woman in a parking lot (she swung first) because I witnessed her physically abusing her 4 year old daughter. I spoke up and it pissed her off, she thought she could bully me as well. She went to jail with a broken nose. I'm sure after all of this she got her children back, I hope if anything that little girl knows there are people in this world who give a shit as I'm sure that lady didn't stop her abuse.

I also rescued a prostitute from a beating by her pimp. He was punching her and kicking her while she was on the ground. This was on the side of a major road. I stop in the middle of traffic, opened my passenger side door and she got in. I took her to the police department to file a complaint. The pimp man threatened my life, I simply told him if I ever saw him near me I'd shoot him without asking questions. Yes, this is my American, gun toting mentality.

There are other things you can do too. If you see a mother in the store with her children and she is at her wits end (all of us parents know that feeling) sometimes a kind word or a gesture of understanding can help calm that Mom and may prevent her from having a break down.

Today also made me realize, I'm sick and tired of people whining and bitching about the state of the world. Do something. Open your mouth. When you see an injustice, step up. Idealisms and thoughts are wonderful, but they don't get the job done. Step up take some kind of action. How many of you have spent your life minding your own business??? Guess what people, the world is your business!!! STEP UP!!

Summer Rain

2010-08-19T19:03:00.000-07:00

It's not the warmth or rays of sun that bring me joyous glee

It's the summer rain we had that day beneath the big oak tree

The day we ran through puddles of rain that caught us unaware

The way you looked at me as your fingertips brushed my hair

Your hand upon my cooling cheek, the love I felt inside

The way you kissed me on my lips; I thought that I would die

You may not comprehend, my love, my breath you took away

And in my ever beating heart, forever you will stay

A simple kiss that will always shine brighter than any sunny day

So have your joy of summertime, for me it shall remain

My kiss beneath the big oak tree amidst the summer rain

V.V.

The Dying Ward

2010-08-14T09:02:00.000-07:00

"Another damn nightshift," nurse Linda bitched as she ran across the parking lot in the rain to the hospital entrance. "And you couldn't remember your stupid umbrella either," she scolded herself.

The automatic doors swooshed open as she approached and Lars, the security guard looked up, surprised to see her. "I thought you had the night off?" He asked as she signed the security register.

"Oh I did, but Brigitte called in again at the last moment, so here I am." Linda stated with distain in her voice. Brigitte has been calling in a lot lately and Linda always covers. "One of these days I will tell her no."

Lars laughs, "Yeah right that'll be the day when you turn down helping someone."

Linda rolls her eyes and smiles at Lar, "Have a good night, Lars." She hustles down the long hallways to the elevator to take her up to the 2nd floor ward where she will be on duty.

She steps onto the floor and notices the three other nurses crowded around the desk talking in hushed tones. "What's going on?" she inquires with a smirk on her face.

Hildy looks to her and says, "We have a new patient in 207 who refuses to eat. He keeps jabbering on in a language none of us knows so we don't know what he wants or what he is asking. It's just odd."

Nurse Linda sets her handbag down on the floor by the desk, "Well what was he brought in for? Obviously he is terminal if he is on our floor. What do the doctors say?"

"According to his chart, he came into the ER early this morning, almost comatose, covered in blood. His wounds were centralized to his torso area and were treated and sewed up. It's strange though, I don't see the orders for him to be transfered here, nor does it say what his condition is. The orderlies brought him up at about 5ish and left without saying a word. And I can't seem to make out this doctor's signature. I don't know who is assigned to him. How weird." Hildy says as she reads the strangers chart.

"Well hell, we can't call records right now, they are closed. Maybe someone will be here in the morning that can help. I don't know what else we can do right now but look after him until we figure this all out," Linda replies, a smirk still on her face.

Linda picks her bag up, bringing it into the locker area so she can lock it up. No one notices the item she takes out of her purse and hangs around her neck. Glancing over her shoulder, she closes the locker door and sets the combination.

She walks back to the desk and picks up her cheart assignments, wouldn't you know, she has the new guy. Great, I'll just go see about him first before seeing to my other patients, she thinsk to herself.

Approcahing the door to 207 she can't help but notice the lights out at the end of the hallway, making the doorway to 207 very dim. She glances in and sees a form writhing on the bed, soft moans coming from his mouth. She stands a moment longer, watching as a chill creeps it's way along her spine. Something inside her telling her to stay away, she shakes her head laughing at herself and proceeds into the room. The man in the bed stops moving and opens his eyes staring at her. Linda looks to the man and is stunned, it seems as if his eyes are glowing in his almost cadaver like face.

"Don't worry, Mister. We're going to take good care of you." Linda says to the man, knowing he can't understand her.

He mutters something back to her she cannot comprehend, but she can hear the pleading in his voice. She reaches out and touches the man's hand, shocked by the coldness radiating off of him, but ignoring it as her job is to offer comfort to the dying.

She has learned to overlook some of the gross things that happen to the body in death. Has learned to look into the persons soul, rather than the shell that surrounds them. She digs in deep with this one, for he seems soulless. Squinting her eyes she says, "You've been an evil bastard, haven't you? I know your kind, but I will help make your transition easy for you. It may hurt, but you'll see, once the pain is gone, you will be in a better place." She pats the man's hand and smiles at him.

"So why haven't you eaten? You are refusing nourishment, this is not good. I will have to get you to eat something." She reaches for the green jello sitting next to the bed and digs a spoon in. The man's face scowls as the sppon nears his mouth and he turns his head away. "You really need to eat if you can. It will help."

The strange man turns his head back to her and hisses. Linda jumps back, "Fine, if that's how you're going to be you can starve for all I care." She sets the jello back down on the table, housekeeping can clean it up.

"I have to go see my other patients now, I will be back shortly." Linda walks out of the dimly lit room and down the hall, making rounds on her other patients.

Linda has grown accustomed to seeing the ill in their last stages of death. It's even come to not bother her like it used to. She has a better appreciation of death working here, a better understanding of the different ways to die.

A loud screaming comes from the hall as Linda is checking the temperature on an old lady on her last stages of cancer. She runs out into the hall and sees Brenda running from the opposite way. "What's happening?" Brenda asks.

"I don't know, I think it's the strange one," Linda replies as the screaming continues.

She and Brenda run into the man's room and see him on the floor, writhing in pain, screaming. Neither nurse can make out his words, a language that seems archaiac and unintelligable. Both nurses begin their check down on the man, to look for injury as he obviously fell out of the bed.

"He seems fine to me," Brenda announces.

"No injury here, " Linda says, "But he has not eaten, he must be delusional, his body starving for nourishment."

"Help me get him back into the bed," Linda orders Brenda.

The two ladies work together to get the strange screaming man back into his bed. "What the hell is so funny, Linda?" Brenda says.

"Oh nothing, I just realized something. I think I know what is wrong with him."

"Well what?? Do whatever to shut the guy up, this is crazy!" says Brenda

"Okay" says Linda as she reaches across the bed and grabs a handful of Brenda's hair pulling her down across the bed. Brenda strugles, but only for a moment, as Linda takes out the small dagger she keeps hung around her neck and jabs Brenda in the windpipe.

"She's all yours, love." Linda says smiling at the man as he sinks his elongated teeth into Brenda's neck. It doesn't take long for the vital essence to fill the man, his features transforming back into the young handsome man he is.

He tosses Brenda's body aside as he rises out the bed and approaches Linda. She doesn't move, she is not afraid of this man, is familiar with him. "I wondered what the hell happened to you. You hadn't shown up in months, I thought you were dead, you idiot. Now get the hell out of here before someone sees."

He leans in and kisses Nurse Linda passionately then turns and takes his leave through the window. Linda smiles her evil smile, then starts screaming, "Oh My God!! Someone get in here!! Brenda is dead!! He attacked Brenda!!!" .......

self P-sykoanalysis

2010-08-06T06:40:00.000-07:00

Why is it so easy to talk about almost anybody in the world, yet so difficult to face ourselves and tell the truth??

Perhaps self doubt clouds the judgement, or maybe we just don't want to know the truth.

I have been trying to reflect on myself, to get in touch with me. I wonder what is true: the words of people telling me I am a good person or the words of the ones who tell me otherwise?

Sometimes the thoughts don't even come from words but actions of others. I wonder, do they know how hurtful they are being with their silence? Then I wonder am I hurting someone with mine and not even know it?

So upon this personal introspection I have discovered I am a walking contradiction, even to myself. No wonder I'm so fucked up.

I discovered that I love to help people, I really do. I love to see someone happy, I love to see someone have the look of accomplishment. Sometimes I find I am helping someone and I feel frustrated with them because they aren't helping themselves. Sometimes a person can't help themselves and I can't help them either and it really makes me feel useless and weak. Right now my dearest friend is in ICU fighting for her life, and there isn't a damn thing I can do to help her and I feel like, crap I don't even know what this feeling is, but it sucks and it makes me cry.

I am a dominant person, I like being in control. I am highly opinionated and yes I can be judgemental at times. I do have an inner voice that'll say to me, "Umm hey, Val... rethink that okay. Give them a break they're only human."

I am a damn good mother. I take care of my family and teach my children well. I know I am good at this because my children run to me every day when I get home, yelling, "Mooommmmmmmmyyyyyy!!! I missed you soooo much!!" Then I get the biggest hugs. This is probably the most predictable, yet most awesome moment in my day, everyday.

I am awful in relationships, and I'm really still trying to figure out why. Probably because deep down I am a huge romantic and keep finding myself matched up with logical thinking people, which I love as well, because I need to be able to talk and have intelligent discussions about things. I also need to be able to be silly and laugh and do crazy things. I don't think dancing in the rain is crazy... I think it is a must... as I need to be able to appreciate nature, even bugs. I need to be respected, my opinion must matter and contribute to things, but I don't always want to have to decide. Sometimes I need to be the pretty little princess being saved by the handsome prince. I do need flowers and chocolate, especially chocolate. I need someone who can grab me and hold on when i go a little crazy. Because yes I do, I get overwhelmed from the stresses, usually of taking care of others. I get exhausted, and this is when I need someone to lay me down, hold me tight and tell me to go to sleep. I get caught up in doing for everyone that I ignore myself. Don't ask me to change, because this is me, this is what I need to do. So I guess I need a sometimes guardian.

My heart is open and exposed to almost anyone. Strangers on the street, the people in my life, of course. My heart is especially exposed when children and old people are involved. So guess what? I do get hurt quite often by selfish, rude people. My counter weapon?? I can forgive easily, most things. My heart hurts when I hear about a child being abused, and don't be surprised if you are with me in public and I see someone who needs help in any way. Expect me to step up to that without pause. I will endanger myself to help others. This is me...

I am loyal... yes like a little Lassie dog... or Hell hound... (once again POV) Once you are my friend you are branded for life. I am talking friend.. not acquaintance, not someone in passing... and provided you live through the dead friend curse that seems to be on me... you will always have someone to turn to..

I have faith in people and believe what you tell me. I trust in the words you say to me and never have a doubt that you are just another person with thoughts. I have a difficult time accepting the fact that there are malicious people in the world, even though I have dealt with the violence , hatred and neglect that comes from these people. Sometimes I think I blame myself still for these things. I blame myself for being left alone, or hit or yelled at. After all someone has to be responsible for it all...

I am broody.. because I do have a darkside to myself... Darth Vader is my father after all (or Hannibal Lecter depending on your POV ).. oh and I am funny sometimes too. I will bust a joke or an inappropriate comment at the most embarrassing times it seems.. I get bored easily... which leads to me acting like I hate everything around me, like I am ready to drop it all, load up my kids in my car and drive to who the hell knows where, but someplace more exciting (or new until it gets old). This is probably from moving every 3-4 years growing up. Stay in one place, are you fucking nuts??? Someone once told me this inability to keep things the same is mental illness, bi-polar disease, manic depressiveness... I'm not so sure. Someone else told me it's a sign of a brilliant mind.. yeah one flash and it's gone... but I have read about some geniuses in history, they were thought weird and crazy and manic and everything else. No body understood them, so they were labeled. I like this last train of thought best and sometimes wonder what it would have been like to sit with Albert Einstein and talk to him.

Okay so maybe I am just a nutcase... i think I've been saying this my whole life and no one wanted to believe me then.... well this is what you get..

Apparently I am evil too... evil bitch, evil psycho bitch, psycho bitch... these are very familiar terms to me. That'll teach me to share my thoughts with the regular world.

I love God. and God loves me. He is my rock, never moving unless I lose sight and move him aside. My relationship with God is personal. He and I will sort my issues out, as we always do and one day the issue won't matter.

So ultimately my introspection hasn't been that informative. I haven't found out anything I didn't know or didn't warn people about. I am me, damaged, defective, broody, unhappy me. Love me or leave me...

Dear Son #1

2010-07-30T21:22:00.000-07:00

You didn't cry when you came into this world
The room was a hushed silence but for the beeping monitors
They carted you away before I could look at your precious face
You my child, that grew inside me
You my child, that I already loved
How I wanted to hold you near me, to have you in my arms
To protect and shelter, to comfort, to care for
Other plans were set forth for you on this day you were born
Your path was one of struggle from the very start
You proved to the world you were a fighter, strong and tough
Weeks went by and then the glorious day came
The machine pumping breath into you was removed and I cried
For you cried for the first time, with your hoarse grovelley little voice
Breathy and barely audible amongst the shuffling feet and shrilling alarms
You my child, lived
You my child, beat the odds that were placed against you
The years passed as you grew always amazing me
I admit, I was scared of losing you, always worried something would happen
I admit I was hard on you too, you were born tough
I didn't want you to lose that
The world is hard, my child, the world can be cruel
You must learn to look it in the face and not back away
You my child, have never let me down
I've always been proud of you, you are blessed by angels after all
You defied those who said you would never be smart, you'd always be sick
Right back in their faces, you shoved, and proved them wrong
My child, my tough, tough child
I have to admit, though, I may have been wrong
That I have instilled cynicysm in you, pushed too hard
For now I see my boy, about to become a man
And you push yourself too hard, already at your young age
Yes you are capable, this I have no doubt
But I question myself, wondering if I taught you too much about work
But didn't teach you enough about the joyful side of life
I worry about this as the time grows nearer to let you fly on your own
When it comes our time to let go, I want you to know these things:
Life is not all work, it is not all pushing yourself every minutes of everyday
Sometimes Life, my child, is dancing in the rain, and finding joy in the rainbow
Sometimes life is taking in the colors and the sounds, it's the little things
It's a feeling at the end of the day knowing you have done right and good
Not only for yourself but for others around you, especially those you love
It's helping a stranger in need, and giving of yourself so others can be eased of burden
Sometimes, my child, life is letting go even if it hurts, even if you're scared
This I feel now as our time grows near and your life as a man will begin
I am scared to let go, even though I know you will be fine
I still see my child, your sweet face, the little boy you once were
You will always be that little boy to me in ways perhaps only a mother knows
I will always love you, and offer guidance as you need
When our time does come, and you set out to explore the world on your own
Always know you have a home, someplace safe to fall back on
So fly my child into this world, and make your mark
But remember to laugh, and to open your eyes and look around
Dance and love, stick your neck out and don't be afraid
And live my child, live your life with gladness
So when it comes your time to leave this Earth, you leave with happiness
This, my child, is my greatest wish for you....

Val University~ Manners 101

2010-07-22T06:42:00.000-07:00

Welcome to class :o) (you say: Hello VV) today I shall give you a lesson in manners and ettiquette. We will start with a few basic manners that some of you seems to forget about on a regular basis.. so here goes...

1) Remember to always say please and thank you. For instance, when you are holding someone at gunpoint, trying to mug them instead of saying, "Yo Bitch gimme the bag!" say, "Yo Bitch, gimme the bag, please" and always remember to thank your victims when you are leaving. After all, they are you main means of income, you should show gratitude.

2)Dress appropriately ~ this should be self explanitory.... if you are jacking a joint at night, wear dark colors... most people opt for black, but seriously consider a dark charcoal gray instead. Black can actually make you stand out more, as shadows are not truly black.

3)Do not speak loudly ~ well duh.. someone might hear you!! Then everyone will know what you're up too *eyerolls*

4) Do not ask people intrusive, personal questions ~ we'll leave this for the police when they investigate, and remember the best answer is silence!!

5) Do not point at people ~ A dead give away to your target... and he will run! Then you won't get paid.

6) Never intentionally embarass another ~ Especially if they are higher ranking than you are on the social scale.. it means they have more money to off you for looking side ways at them.

7) Make eye contact when speaking with someone~ There are a couple of reasons for this.. a) to show respect b) to let the other person know you ain't afraind, and won't step off.

8)Use your napkin at the dinner table~What if you find yourself needing to whip out your shooter, and your fingers are all covered with grease?? How can you get a decent grip on your weapon then??

And while we are at the table:

a) Sit properly and straight in your chair~ this really gives you more room to move if bullets start flying.

b) Talk about plasant things~ How you sliced up Joe, or broke his knees, if not appropriate conversation at the table. Save that for the club later. Instead talk about the newest stripper at the bar.

c) Place your napkin in your lap~ Easier to hide your gun. (duh)

9) Don't get up and walk out during class~ This will make me hurl a purple pen into the back of your head.

10) Respect secrets ~ One should never reveal secrets: if you should happen to slip on a drunken night, well you have to tie up the loose ends and bury the body where no one can find it. So always keep a shovel in your car just in case.

11) Children, especially in certain circumstances must always remain quiet, and pretend to be deaf... and no selling your children under any circumstance!!

and finally (for now)

12) Stand up straight and don't grab your crotch in public ~ a REAL man walks tall, not slouching and holding their dick to hold up their pants... have you clothes fitted to you... loose clothes are a hinderence, especially in a fight. They can cost you your life... standing straights tells the world, "don't eff with me!! I WILL hurt you." it exudes confidence. Just do it. I'm surprised you G-ma hasn't smacked you upside the head for slouching already...

Class dismissed...

2010-07-09T10:13:00.000-07:00

You all know I am a fan of GOD... a friend just sent me this e-mail and I just had to share....

RECALL NOTICE:

The Maker of all human beings (GOD) is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart.
This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units.
This defect has been technically termed "Sub-sequential Internal Non-Morality," or more commonly known as S.I.N., as it is primarily expressed.

Some of the symptoms include:
1. Loss of direction
2. Foul vocal emissions
3. Amnesia of origin
4. Lack of peace and joy
5. Selfish or violent behavior
6. Depression or confusion in the mental component
7. Fearfulness
8. Idolatry
9. Rebellion

The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory-authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this defect.
The Repair Technician, JESUS, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost
of these repairs. There is no additional fee required. The number to call for repair in all areas is:
P-R-A-Y-E-R.
Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure.
Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component.

No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with:
1. Love
2. Joy
3. Peace
4. Patience
5. Kindness
6. Goodness
7. Faithfulness
8. Gentleness
9. Self control

Please see the operating manual, the B.I.B.L.E. (Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth) for further details on the use of these fixes.

WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded. For free emergency service, call on Jesus.

DANGER: The human being units not responding
to this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter his Kingdom so as to prevent contamination of that facility.

Thank you for your attention!

GOD

P.S. Please assist where possible by notifying others of this important recall notice, and you may contact the Father any time by 'Knee mail'!

Because He Lives

Visiting David

2010-06-09T19:46:00.000-07:00

I was asked by my friend David to guest post for him this week down at The Writer's Den. He asked the big question, "Why do you love books?"

I couldn't pass up the opportunity to answer, as reading and writing feel like a basic raw need for me....and it seems I'm not the only one.

So follow me over to

The Writer's Den

and find out why I, @ggSpirit , @Donna_Carrick , @JosephLane and @TheWritersDen himself love these bound pages so much...

My Heart Breaks

2010-06-05T09:40:00.000-07:00

I am rarely caught at a loss for words. Today I cry for loss of precious life in our world. My heart aches and my mind finds itself in a frenzied whirl wind. The only thought that stands out for me is, Oh My Dear God, Please help us!!

Last night the massive oil spill that threatens us reached my home state. Oil and tar have begun washing up on the beaches of Pensacola in Northern Florida. More animals and wild life are dying, smothering in the brown ooze that is sapping the oxygen from them. Birds and dolphins are what are being shown in the news clips. I know sea turtles are dying as well. I feel dread as I think about this mess making it's deadly path along the shore lines, south into the Keys. This is home to the 3rd largest coral reef in the world. It sustains life, offering shelter, food and breeding grounds for an array of oceanic life. They are super delicate ecosystems, that are already dying off globally due to warmer waters. A temperature change of only a couple of degrees in the surrounding waters is devastating for these underwater cities. We are about to see the death of this reef and the life it feeds. I do not think in terms of "if" but "when" the oil manages to make it's way down, leaving death in it's wake. I just don't see any way it can be stopped. My heart breaks.

June 1st welcomed hurricane season down here in the south. The world recently became aware of the destruction these storms can cause in the wake of Katrina. We were not prepared to step up and help after this storm. Imagine what will happen if a storm comes through carrying the crude inland as well as it's usual chaos. The Gulf of Mexico, and it's warm waters are perfect for building major storms. They feed off the water and have plenty of room to build. I read an article that said the waters in the Gulf are already warmer than normal this time of year. My heart breaks.

We also have more than ecological disaster, as this will affect our economy as well. As if we need another hit in the gut there. Perhaps many do not think about what our oceans give to us in terms of our survival. The fishing industry will be all but eliminated. How can we digest what is coming out of toxic cesspools?? Think mmmm yum, talapia with binding agents, my favorite! When I lived in New Orleans I knew many people whose livelihood depended upon fishing. They'll have nothing now. This is the life they know, and pretty much all they know.

The obviously hit will tourism and vacationing. We love our sandy beaches, surfing, swimming, wading into the surf to cast our lines. My children and I love the beach. We play a game where we run behind the waves as they recede, they try to run from them as they chase us. It's very funny when one of us gets caught, knocked down and dragged into the surf. We love walking the beaches in August in search of sea turtles laying eggs. We encountered one working her way back into the water after dropping her clutch. She was massive, and beautiful, tired from her work. I asked my children the other day if they remember this night, and I am not sure if I should feel sad that they will have this memory and perhaps not ever see this again in their life, or joy that they will remember the beauty the ocean offers. The sea turtles are also one aspect of our state that draws people to come visit. It really is awesome to see.

Perhaps you may not be aware, but pharmaceutical companies rely on the ocean and the healing properties that can be found in it to make many of the medicines we use to keep ourselves alive. Many skincare and make up companies use algae and other things (I won't tell you so you won't feel grossed out) to create their products. While we will live without our beauty creams and make up, medicines are vital to our survival. I have 2 lines of thinking here; One is that the cost of already expensive medicines will be even harder to afford the other is that I like to think they have breeding farms for the things they need to make these prescriptions.

Most of my thoughts to this point have been centered around the United States, but I know when the Gulf Stream picks up the ooze, it will take it up the East coast of my home, surrounding Florida. We will be a peninsula amidst millions of gallons of oil and casualties. I imagine the smell of decay and crude filling my nostrils as I stand looking at the loss. My heart breaks.

Right now I watch my children play as I write this piece and cry for them. As a parent, someone they look up to, I have failed. You have failed. We have managed to add this catastrophe to the long line of fuckery we have already created. I cry harder when I think of my boys smiles and laughter turning to tears as they grow, and already feel their disappointment in me and my generation. Their lives will be spent fixing what we have fucked up. I hope we can now get our heads out of our asses and set a course that will make the endeavor easier for them. I hope my grandchildren will be able to live in a world that has more to offer than solving the problems we created. It's time to stop playing the blame game and come together and work for a better tomorrow. We will get nowhere sitting back on our asses pointing fingers at someone else. The world is every one's!!! Involve yourself!!!

Today my heart cried out for you

Waterfalls fell forth from my eyes;

Today my tears are yours

For My Country, For My Soldiers

2010-05-31T16:50:00.000-07:00

I've said it before and I will say it again; I am proud to be an American. I am proud of the soldiers who have fought to gain my country's independence. I am proud of the men and women who fought for the freedoms I enjoy today.

Recently I made a statement about my anger towards a people who were complaining about slurs posted against them on the Internet. While they were burning the flag of my country. A couple of responses to my statement were along the lines of why does this piss you off so much, it's just a flag. I am a patriot, I have faith in the foundation that my country was founded on. That flag represents my country. My flag was burned, while being filmed, knowing this is an offense to the patriots of my country. I fall back on the 2 wrongs don't make a right here. How can people speak of peace, and a desire for freedom when they keep adding fuel to the fire??

War is an awful thing that men do. Many die, there is usually mass destruction of homes and lands. Families are torn apart and destroyed as Fathers, Mothers, Sisters and Brothers are killed fighting for what they believe or as a repercussion.

Today, someone made a comment to me that people volunteer for service. so they ask for whatever they get. I admire each one of them for doing so, as they are making a choice to put their lives on the line. If they didn't volunteer, people would be recruited. So thank you, to each and every one of those brave men and women who choose to step into a frightening role, so that others don't have to. I am glad we have this CHOICE available to us. A choice that may not be if it weren't for the people who fought previous wars so that we can have this freedom of CHOICE.

Where would we all be today if Hitler had been able to obtain world domination?? By the time he was stopped, he had already killed and tortured MILLIONS of people. Do you think you would be sitting in your cozy home reading this blog right now??? Do you think you would be enjoying the food you are blessed to have??? You are able to have these things because soldiers died fighting for you. This was a period in history that was not that long ago. While you don't think this directly affect you, it does.

It would be wonderful to live in a world that was peaceable. Where people don't have to fear bombs dropping on them, or gun fire cutting down their children while they play. I was almost a casualty of war while I was in Northern Ireland. My Mother's home. I was 11 years old, playing on a playground when the IRA and British soldiers began open firing across the playing field. One of my cousins pulled me down to the ground before I even realized what was happening. I laid on the ground, the side of my face in the gravel as I watched bullets pierce the metal slide and also a soldier. I saw the faces of many of those men while they held their guns aloft, firing. I saw fear in their faces too.

I think given the choice, very few of those people would say they want to be in a situation like that. I would say that most soldiers don't want to have to shoot a child, or another human being because their life is being threatened. I would say most of those soldiers are patriotic, and believe that once the fighting is done, that some ray of hope will shine through to something better.

I also believe, since men aren't peaceable on a whole, that if it weren't for brave men and women who stand up and fight, our world would be more oppressed than it is now. There are people who exist in this world to do nothing more than obtain power and control no matter the cost. No matter the casualties. They are sadistic, psychopaths who have no care for life. Yours or anyone else's. They are ego maniacal, self serving people, that you aren't very aware of because people are fighting to keep them down. Without our military, these people would rise to power and control everything you do in your daily life. Read up a little on what happens in Africa, or Tibet.

Today is Memorial Day in my country. It is a day to honor the men and women who have fought for freedoms we enjoy. Freedom to live, freedom to make choices, freedom to speak our mind. I thank them, each and every one of them for sacrifices they have made. For choosing to deal with the horrific things they see and experience. I thank them for making a choice that brings them home changed, because they come home after witnessing atrocities that change there mental state forever. Horrors that some keep inside them so you don't have to know about them. So you don't have to suffer the savagery.

So the next time you think to knock a soldier, think again. If you sit in your cozy home, begrudging soldiers for war, you're blaming the wrong people. Our soldiers are the ones who take the shit so we don't have to. And today, I remember all of you, and thank you for what you have sacrificed for me.

A Curse Broken

2010-05-29T07:42:00.000-07:00

Everyday she arrives home and see his truck in the driveway she wonders if it will be her night to die. She lays the palm of her hand on the hood to determine how drunk he will be when she walks in. It's cool, he's been home a while. It's also Friday, payday. He will have splurged on cheap whiskey instead of beer. He is meaner when he is drunk on booze. She wants to turn around and keep walking but she has no where to go and she will eventually wind up back here and he will be angrier that she is late. The last time she was late, she ended up with a broken arm as well as the usual black eye, and various bruises and pains. Besides, there is a murderer on the loose. Three bodies have been discovered, mutilated, all women. A little smack in the face is better than dead.

"Toughen up Karen," she says to herself as she takes a deep breath and slowly walks to the front porch. The noises from the video game he is playing reaches her ears as she approaches the door. So does the cussing and yelling. "Fucking bastards!! I shot you!! Fucking thing is jerking me around!"

Another deep breath and Karen turns the door knob and walks into their tiny 2 bedroom rental. The paint is peeling on the walls and the floor is uneven. It's an old house, in desperate need of repairs or demolition. It's all they can afford and she does her best to keep it clean. It doesn't stop the rats and bugs from taking up residence though and Steven won't do anything about it.

"Hey baby, I'm home," Karen calls out so he isn't surprised, "I brought home dinner. They had steaks on sale at the grocery. I thought I'd fix you a nice supper tonight."

Steven laughs from the other room, "That'll be the day when you can fix anything a man can eat, but whatever."

The comment prepares her for what's coming tonight. It's obvious he will be on her all night. She passes through the living room and tries to give him a kiss hello on the way.

"Get the fuck out of the way, I can't see. How many times do I have to tell you not to bother me when I am playing??" He reaches out with one hand and shoves her towards the kitchen. "Just go cook whatever garbage your going to try to feed me tonight and leave me the fuck alone!"

Karen sets the paper grocery bag on the kitchen table and begins taking items out of it. She reaches in a cabinet and takes out a pan to marinade the steaks in. As she is putting together her concoction, she thinks.. a touch of salt and pepper, garlic, Tabasco sauce and I wish I had a pinch of rat poisoning for his. She chides herself for having such awful thoughts then begins oiling the potatoes after washing them. Her father always taught her to make baked potatoes this way. "If they are cooked in a microwave, then they are steamed not baked!" Karen doesn't know why this has always stuck with her or even why she judges potatoes like she does. Maybe I am crazy, she thinks to herself.

She sets the oven to 400 degrees for the potatoes and has an image in her head of Steven stuffed in it with an apple in his mouth. Just like she has seen in movies when they set feasts for kings. She giggles to herself, then again is appalled at actually enjoying thoughts of murdering Steven.

Trying to set the thoughts aside she moves into the bedroom to get out of her work clothes and have a quick shower while the steaks marinate and the oven heats up. She sets her work clothes in the laundry bin and picks up Stevens while she is at it. She never understood how he could get his clothes so close to the basket, but never quite seem to make it in? There are worse things in the world, I suppose, she thinks to herself.

Stepping into the shower stall, she turns the handles knowing the first few seconds of spray are going to be icy cold. Karen likes this though, it invigorates her senses. As the water warms she fully emerges herself under the spray, enjoying the warmth over her body. She didn't hear him come in, but suddenly Steven is there, standing naked and erect. God, why can't I just have a few minutes peace for myself, why can't I even take a shower alone. She'd never say these thing to Steven, he'd just get violent.

"You know what I want, baby." He says with a snarling grin on his face.

"But I've got to make dinner, Steven." The slap across the face was sudden and at this point, really unexpected. He must really be in a foul mood. Her cheek stings and she can feel the skin under her left eye starting to swell as she drops to her knees to give him what he wants. This is by far easier to get over than being injured. Through the whole thing Karen thinks, I hate you, I'd like to bite you right now!! I want you to die you bastard! and though she feels like crying she knows if she does it will only cause him to beat on her. He really enjoys torturing her. Once Steven has gotten what he wants, he leaves the bathroom.

Karen finishes her shower quickly, the enjoyment gone. She throws on a tee shirt and some boxer shorts after she towels off and heads back into the kitchen to cook.

"Babe, get me another drink will ya?" Steven barks from the other room.

"Sure baby," she responds, "Give me a just a sec, I'm getting the potatoes in the oven."

She finishes her task and walks to the living room and bends over to pick up Steven's glass. He grabs her by the back of the neck, squeezing tight so it will hurt and shoves her face down onto the coffee table. The glass in her hand slips out and the remaining fluid and ice spill out next to her.

"Look what you've done you clumsy bitch!!" He yells as he pulls her up by the neck and shoves her to the floor. Kicking her he snarls, "Get that fucking mess cleaned up right now and hurry the fuck up!!"

Karen gets up from the floor and hurries to the kitchen for a towel, holding her stomach. She rushes back out to the living room and sops up the liquid and slides the ice cubes back in the glass. She goes back to the kitchen and fixes Steven a fresh drink and carries it out to him.

"I'm sorry." He says and wraps her in his arms. "I didn't mean it baby, I didn't mean to hurt you."

"It's okay Steven. I'm okay." Any other response will elicit more pain.

"Dinner will be on the table in a half hour." Steven kisses her forehead and goes back to playing his game.

Karen wanders back into the kitchen and starts cleaning the mess from cooking. She fills up one side of the sink with soapy water to wash in. Staring at the wall behind the sink she wonders what her life could be like if Steven wasn't in it. Would she be able to support herself financially? Sure, it isn't as if any of his money goes to paying the bills. She'd be alone though. Is that something she could stand? If only she had someone who could help her.

"Of courssssse you can make it alone." A raspy, almost whisper of a voice comes from the soapy sink. Karen looks down and staring at her is a snake. She jumps back from the counter and lets out a bit of a yelp.

"Okay now I know I am crazy. A snake in the dirty dishes and he talks. God, Karen you've really lost it this time."

The snake laughs, Karen furrows her eyebrows. "What the hell?? I'm not talking to some snake in my dirty dishes."

"You don't have to talk to me, Karen, but lissssssten to what I have to sssssay."

"Yeah yeah trust in you and all that. I saw the Jungle Book too, you know!"

"I can help you Karen, and you can help me. Sssssort of a mutual asssssisssst if you will."

"I'm listening. I can't believe I am listening, but I am. So Shoot."

The snake proceeds to tell Karen how he is the unfortunate victim of a witch's curse that has transformed him into the snake before her. That he has been a snake for several hundred years and has yet to find anyone who would be willing to help him break the spell.

"That's just terrible!" Karen says. "But right now, dinner is ready and I am starved. Let me think about this. I'm not sure if I can help you or not."

"Steven, dinner's ready baby."

He trudges into the kitchen and sneers down at the food on the plate. He sits and begins eating.

"How was your day baby?" Karen asks trying to have some conversation with dinner.

"It's bad enough that I have to eat this shit you cook, and look at you while I'm doing it. Do you really think I should have to talk to you too?"

"I really wish you wouldn't say those things to me. " She says before she even realises what's come out of her mouth.

Steven rises and over turns the kitchen table, grabbing Karen by the throat and lifting her off her feet. "I wish you wouldn't say those thing to me," He screams in her face in a mocking tone, "Fuck you, you worthless bitch!!" Steven slams Karen into the refrigerator, punches her in the stomach then the face. She kicks, holding on to the arm that is restraining her airway. This is it, she thinks, the night I die. No!! Please someone help me!! Her thoughts race a 100 miles an hour in her brain. Help me. Help me if you can. I don't want to die. Then she blacks out.

She wakes up, tucked safely into her own bed. If it weren't for the pain in her body and the soreness on her throat she'd have sworn the night was a dream. "Steven." She calls out, her throat hurts, her voice is rough. She can barely move.

"Steven is no longer with us." This coming from a strange man sitting in the chair in the corner of the room. "I took your plea for help as a yes to what I proposed to you when we spoke."

Karen was stunned. "So uhh, Steven won't be hurting me anymore?"

"No, he won't. You see the curse put on me was by a woman that I once hurt. She was going to be my next victim. How I love watching the fear in a woman's eyes, as I plunge my blade in. She managed to escape me and had me turned into a snake as punishment for my crimes against her. The only way for me to be rid of it was to find another who was an equally as monstrous as me and have him take my place. This was accomplished tonight, and I must say it feels wonderful to be free again."

"Steven wasn't as monstrous as you. You kill people! Steven only hit me."

"You really didn't know about him did you? Perhaps Steven is right. You are stupid and useless. What do you think Steven did when he went out late at night? Do you think those women they found killed themselves?"

Karen could think of no words to say, and she was so frightened she couldn't move.

The man stands and walks slowly towards the bed where Karen is. "I owe all my thanks to you, Karen, for releasing me. Jack the Ripper lives again. I will remember you fondly for the rest of my life. I must confess though, being a snake these centuries did not teach me anything, but just made me angrier at her for what she did to me. " He shows Karen the knife in his hand, her eyes grow huge with terror, "Ahhh yes, Karen feed me your fear. This is what I need to survive!!" He pounces on her, driving his blade into her chest to the hilt. "The world will know terror again, Karen. Starting with you, as this is your night to die!"

Hated Beloved

2010-05-13T11:15:00.000-07:00

How confined it must be up there on your pretty pedestal
While you look down upon the world and judge me
You.. who has no knowledge of me or who I am
You.. who makes assumptions on what you think you know of me

I do not trust you, you are hurtful and careless with cruelty
You like to slash me apart then scoff at the mess you leave
Stare down your nose and proclaim how weak I am as you kick me again
Your words, a sharpened weapon of destruction for the heart

You insist on questioning my sanity, as you drive me to the brink
To the point I want to scream, and question my own mind too
Then you laugh and claim your self allocated prize to logic
A hunter admiring his trophy, stuffed and hung on the wall

Your carelessness will circle around on you one day
It will stalk you like a wild beast, silently, stealthily
Then it will pounce and all will be lost on you
And when it leaves, your heart and sanity will be taken with it

Consumed by the ravages of hungry animals, it will be eaten
But it will be bitter, and unconsumable... spat out in the mud
It will lie in the filth, fermenting, rotting, like the ugly stain it is
But after all is lost, perhaps you will regain your senses and find love

Perhaps love will find you, alone and cowering in the dark
It will wrap itself around you and hold you to it's light
Forgiving you for the dark rumors, you yourself believed
And your hate will be no more....

Happy Mother's Day

2010-05-08T16:21:00.000-07:00

They come to us in this world, screaming little babies. Demanding of your time, energies and sanity. I don't know how many sleepless nights I've spent tending to my little ones. I have been puked on, pooped on, cried on, bleed on and when the chaos finally subsided, slept on. It is the moments when they are cuddled up to you, trusting you with everything they have to keep them safe, or comfort them to make them feel better that is most remembered.

Those moments when they seem like precious little angels sent from Heaven, custom made just for you. There are frustrations, oh yes there are. Trying to teach a tiny human being to grow into a wonderful person is very difficult. Especially since they do most of their learning from example. You know exactly what I mean by that.

With Mother's day happening, I have to say I am grateful to my children for showing me how to be a better human being. I am glad they are here with me to teach me that the world should not always be taken so seriously. To show me how to love unconditionally, because even when I am at my worst those little precious angels love me. They gather around me and give me love, or pick me flowers, or draw me pictures reflecting how much they love me.

They look up to me, and also look to me for approval for who they are. It's awesome when you can smile at someone and it's like they light up in return. Happy that they have made you happy. My heart gets filled with so much joy daily.

I think the hardest part of being a Mother is allowing your babies to make mistakes and learn about the tough side of life. As much as we would love to shelter them from all the bad in the world, it would be an injustice against them. It is our job to teach them how to handle the bad too.

I will end this here, as I just want to say to all the Mother's out there.. you are doing an awesome job if your children smile daily because they know they are loved. Remember to smile back, one day they will be gone... so soak up the love and give it in plenty!!

Happy Mother's day all you beautiful ladies!!!

A Continuing Curse

2010-05-06T04:09:00.000-07:00

When we last left the fair maiden (moi) I was trying to consume a triple whopper to end my curse. I must confess, I did not eat it all.. I couldn't manage it!! Seriously.. not only was it huge, but is was greasy. Like ewwwww there aren't enough napkins in the world to soak up this grease, grease. So yes!!! I failed!!! Perhaps I should have forced myself to eat it all then snarfed it up when the spirits weren't looking. Maybe I SHOULD have woken up my ancestors instead of trying to be Ms. Cordial and not disturb them. Maybe I SHOULD have soaked myself in a tub of salt water until I looked like a piece of beef jerky.

Whatever I did wrong, the curse continues, and it's getting worse. This explains why I have been acting so weird lately.

Since we have last gathered, here is the string of things that have happened:

Apparently the land we are moving to has wetlands on it, according to the county. All construction has been halted. I have been involved with land issues and even had certifications in protecting it, but for the life of me, after walking every square foot of the 6 acres, I cannot find where this location is. So now I have to wait for the county to come out and check things off.

Son #2, who has been bringing home good grades all school year long took a test a few weeks ago. According to testing he is supposed to be held back next year. This totally baffles me, how does a child with good grades get held back?? How does the results from 1 damn test determine what happens here?? It's stupid and... well... I have many more expletives I could use, but you get the point.

My car's power steering pump went out and I had a flat tire. Got new tires, and upon arriving home last night I was drawn to a loud hissing noise. There was a metal, industrial sized staple lodged in one of my new tires. How come glue never falls off someone's truck??? I haven't even check that yet this morning. Maybe I won't be able to go to work.

My desktop died... I'm fairly certain it is the power box, and have ordered a new one.. but I love my desk top... poor guy..but that shouldn't bother me since I can't seem to get my writing groove on lately.

A week and a half ago I was attacked by ninja trash bags... they came disguised in a red hefty box, just so you are all aware. Beware the ninja trash bags!! These two trash bags tripped me up and threw me into the firewood pile, which threw me into the meat cutting machine. That bastard tried to slice my face but managed to only get my hand... I also walked away with a black eye, bruised chest, ribs and knee. Trying to convince myself this was a blessing, and I'm not walking around with a patch work face.

Then to top it off, someone passed along a cold virus to me, so sore throat, snotty nose (how does one body manage to produce so much snot?) and to my horror, I woke up yesterday morning and couldn't open my right eye because it was yukked closed. This morning my left eye has joined the crusade. This is lovely with the purple under my left eye. So I feel like a female version of Bill the cat. My hair won't style when I'm sick, so it's flat and lifeless. I look like hell , lol.

And then it gets serious.....

Last night my Mother called me. As some of you know, one of my brothers has been addicted to pain pills for the last year and a half that has thus far caused him to lose his family, his wife is afraid of him and doesn't want him around their 2 young children. He was also arrested, but was given a minor sentencing since this is his first time in trouble. So Mom calls to let me know my brother has disappeared. He has been gone since Friday and he isn't answering his phone, nor is he anywhere to be found. I have stepped out of this matter for several months now, as I think he should have been in a detox facility from the start, but I guess my parents wanted to have as much faith in him as they could. I tried telling them, that this man before them isn't their son, he isn't my brother right now. He is a drug addict. That is all that is there for the time being, and he will lie, cheat and steal whatever he feeels he needs to, to get what he wants and to manipulate the situation to serve him.

I think his disappearing is him punishing my parents, because my Father told him the other day, they will not have him living in the house any longer not contributing, staying high, and stealing. That his free ride is over. He answered his phone when I called and I told him, "We're just checking to see if you are still alive. We love you." He said he knew and that he was checking into a detox place. So we'll see. Part of me wants to believe his words, because the other part of me knows that he is going to end up dead or in jail if he is still lying. There is only so much a person can legally do to help someone. If I had my choice, I'd bring him up here to the woods and handle him in a way that I am sure would go against his civil rights. But hey, we can't have that can we?? Much better to have him turn up dead.

My Father has been unwell for many years, since his battle with cancer. For those who don't know, he had a necrotic kidney removed, and is surviving at this time with a 21% functioning kidney on the other side. My Father is 74 years old, he served 41 years in the Military, so he's tough. No matter how tough they are, there comes a day when you see them and they look old, and they are starting to look frail and the stress this is causing my Father is wearing on him, it's showing through. My mother is not sleeping, but she's Irish, we suffer really well... I don't have an answer to this, and all I can think is, this is life, no one makes it out alive.

So if you are wondering why I am acting so strangely, it's because life is happening, and it's cursed. Come to think of it, perhaps I am not cursed... maybe it's aliens??

Love,

Val (putting on my tin foil hat)

An Addicted Mind

2010-05-05T00:04:00.000-07:00

spiraling twirls of color rein down through his brain
red, blues, greens conjoin and entwine
weaving threads of thoughts and dreams
the line is clearly blurred
wells of feelings drift to the surface
marring perfect ideas of fantasies
reality shifts to the world around
in death it's perfect entirety
surely this must be madness
this hope, this love, this world
so much death and violence
so much pain and suffering
it can go away easily, simply, just swallow
the hopelessness the loss is just too much to bear
it's gone, it's all gone now
the colors drowned by shadows
He is drowning and cannot see the light
it's okay, no it's not, just one more
the calm caresses the soul
he's here, he's gone and cannot find himself
an empty shell with incoherent thought
follow the path of emptiness, it's safe there
no one will know, no one will care
no one will see to the real him, no one but me

The Writing Whine

2010-04-19T16:44:00.000-07:00

I think I have lost faith in myself as a writer. Perhaps I am just over tired lately from work, raising children, trying to organize a move and all the other things that come into play in the game of life.

Here lately I sit and stare at my novel in progress and think it's hopeless. Why am I even trying to do this at this stage in my life. Is it a loss of direction?? I don't know. I manage to peck out a couple hundred words here and there, but feel I am sludging through the muck at the bottom of the pond. I think I am just tired.

Even right now, trying to dish out a good whine about this, I find myself at a loss for words. The noise from Inglorious Basterds in the background playing at full throttle is not helping at all. Screaming and machine gun fire seem to be a bit of distraction. Kids fighting in their bedroom.. Yay!! It's Springbreak. I want to scream!!! I want to cry.

Sometimes I feel intimidated. I've met so many authors, some already very successful best sellers, some still struggling to get their works published, some just starting out like I am, with the joy still in their hearts. Have I lost my love of writing?? No, I don't think so. I think there is so much going on I cannot seem to find the writer in me. It's depressing. Friends and family have lost interest. For some reason they thought dishing out a book would be a quick and easy endeavor. They don't understand writing at all. I don't hear, "Hey Val, how's the novel coming along?" anymore. Now it's, "You aren't finished with that thing yet?" Sometimes I want to smack them. Perhaps this is weighing on me. I already feel like a disappointment to them and I haven't even finished yet. Geez!!

I think I just need to step back and punt. I need to shrug them off and remember why I wanted to do this in the first place. Because it is something I have always wanted. Because life doesn't wait for us. Because I have always loved to write. I've already reached the half way point in my life. This bothers me. What am I going to leave behind as my calling card in life?? I need to stop putting so much pressure on myself. The more I worry about it, it seems the less I can bring my story to the surface. Who am I trying to please?? How do we start writing for ourselves, then take a look one day and find we are trying to write for others?? I may or may not be in the middle of writing a best seller. It may or may not be something people like. I need to remember that my writing is personal, it is about me and my relationship with the words.

I need to step back, take a breath and find the joy writing brings me again. Hopefully it will not take very long for me to get back in the saddle. I need to stop expecting the people around me to lift me up in times like these. I need to dig in and find my inner strength and motivation.

Okay I am done whining about this now. Thanks for listening.

Love,

Val

Immortal Freedom

2010-04-07T16:41:00.000-07:00

So there I sat in the darkness, surrounded by the dead, imagining the voices of those long gone begging me to let them out. Sorry guys, I'm trying to escape myself, I'll have to come back for you later. I just need to hide out here for a while. No way they will come looking for me here.

What's that crunching noise?? I turned my head to the side trying to place the noise and could only imagine stray dogs with matted fur snacking on bones. Not a good image while sitting in a cemetery. Too late, that is what was stuck in my head. Why not, I thought?? With what was chasing me, why couldn't it be dogs having a buffet on the corpses??

Another noise grabbed my attention. I could hear them outside the gates, moaning as they passed by. I held my breath, I didn't want them to hear me. My heart was beating so fast in my chest I thought it was going to explode. I was sure they could hear that thump, thump, thump speeding inside of me. I couldn't hold my breath any longer and tried, as silently as possible, to exhale and take my next breath. They stopped. I couldn't see them, but I knew they heard me. Dammit!! I didn't know where to go from here. I'd tried everything I could think of to throw them off my trail, but like he said, they will always find me.

He, is Marstoni and he, wanted to posses me forever. I lived in his castle for many years. I don't know how many, but it seemed like a century. He never tried to turn me, but cast some spell on me so I wouldn't age. He said he didn't want my soul corrupted. I had to laugh at this. I guess he was expecting me to be a good Catholic girl until he grew bored of me and decided to kill me.

Little did he know I never expected to stay a good little Catholic girl and I sure as hell wasn't going to be his pet forever. He loved to dress me up in pretty dresses and parade me in front of his friends at fancy parties and dinners. What I think he loved more were the challenges that would arise when one of his buddies couldn't seem to resist the smell of my blood. What's worse is that I eventually grew to be amused by these situations as well and played up the fact that I was human, with hot, red blood flowing through my veins. I would wear clothes that showed off as much skin as possible without revealing everything. I was the virgin slut. A tease among immortal monsters.

This does grow boring after some time, so to keep things going I have to run away from time to time. This time I really thought I had them all fooled and was going to taste freedom for some time. Man, was I so very wrong.

Goons were tracking me, and they were not under Marstoni. I knew what would happen if I were to be captured, and it wasn't being brought back home and lectured about the downfalls of trying to escape. If I were caught this time, I knew I would be dead.

Where is a cat when you need one??? The only thing these Goons were afraid of. Cats scared these guys so much they would freak out and poof away, leaving being a fine green mist, the Goon equivalent to pissing yourself. The look on their faces before the transport away is so damn funny. I knew I was cornered, so i took a chance, "Here kitty kitty!!" I heard a very loud groan on the other side of the fence. I giggled because I knew they understood me. If only they would be afraid enough just from the threat. But no, this can't be, their sense of smell is very keen and they would be able to detect the presence of a feline friend.

I had no choice but to make a break for it to the other side, hop the fence and haul ass to my next hiding spot. Where that would be I had no clue. I leaped up and began running as fast as I could, hurtling grave markers like a track star. Shit, it was so damn dark. I silently prayed in my head, please don't let me fall, please don't let me fall. I was a good little Catholic girl after all.

I managed to make it to the scrolled, wrought iron fencing surrounding the cemetery, get my foot in the first line of supports and hurl myself over the top. I crashed down on the other side pretty hard and banged myself up. Don't laugh, I made it over the damn fence. I quickly regained my footing and took off down the street. It was very late and no one was out except hoodlums and drunken bums. I could handle any of them no problem. I took a quick glance over my right shoulder and sure enough here they were coming at break neck speeds. How the hell can they move so fast?? I needed to find a weapon, hopefully a cat. I tore down an alley way, trying to be positive, telling myself this is a stray cats favorite place. I prayed again to myself, here kitty kitty, oh please be a kitty!!! I saw movement out of the corner of my eye, it looked like a tail trying to make it's way under a pile of trash. I stopped and retraced my steps, breathing heavy, "Kitty, kitty, kitty"

Getting down on the filthy, litter strewn ground of the alley, I cautiously peeked in a dark alcove of trash. A cat!!! I reached in quickly to grab the puffed up feline beast. It clawed at my arms and bit me. Nothing compared to what I knew was going to happen if I didn't hold on to it. Standing back up, holding the cat against me, I walked back out the way I came, right into a gang of Goons. All six of them got the funny faces, began trembling and POOF! One by one they dissolved into the mist. I began giggling. The 3 gang bangers that witnessed the scene looked at me like I was crazy, this caused me to laugh even louder. The turned around and quickly walked away. I followed behind them, dirty and giggling. I had no clue where to go. I petted the cat in my arms, it had finally calmed down and stopped fighting against me. "Be nice kitty, you saved my life. Tore me up a bit, but I can forgive that." I wondered where we would go from here and continued walking the deserted streets of the city. Maybe I wasn't cut out for this freedom. I didn't really know how to behave in this decade, maybe I should find my way back to Marstoni. I wondered how pissed off he was at me right now.

Sometimes It's Best To Sit Down and Shut Up

2010-04-01T17:13:00.000-07:00

I've just read an article that has me a bit perturbed. The article involves the court's recent ruling to overturn a decision to grant Albert Snyder, father of fallen Marine Lance Cpl. Matthew Snyder, an 11 million dollar judgement in 2007. The judgement was awarded due to infliction of emotional distress caused by the Westboro Baptist Church. With the overturn of judgement, the courts are saying that Albert Snyder is now responsible for $16,510.80 of the church's almost $100,000.00 court costs and legal fees.

At the funeral of Lance Cpl. Matthew Snyder (Albert Snyder's son), protesters representing the Westboro Baptist Church set up camp to protest our Military. The reason the church gives for this, is because they believe the Military accepting gays into service goes against God and that the soldiers of our Military are being punished by God because of this. They said they were just upholding their first amendment right to free speech by picketing near the funeral with signs saying things like, "God hates the U.S.A."

To me, this is a perfect representation of why this country is falling apart and our society is filled with cry babies and whiners. I think this shows such self indulgence and egotistical behavior, it sickens me for many reasons.

Yes I think 11 million dollars is an exuberant amount to be awarded for emotional distress. I think a more reasonable figure should be involved, perhaps the amount to cover the funeral, plus $10,000 in damages.

However I think, and mind you I am just exercising my first amendment right to free speech here, that the protesters were very much in the wrong to cause such a disturbance at a funeral. Albert Synder was trying to lay his son to rest and it was selfish for the church members to protest with such hatred at this event.

Does someone at this church have a direct link to God and deemed his messenger?? I haven't read anything in the bible about prophets of this nature for this age and time. I also know, as well as many of you, that God insists that we love one another, He commands it. He also says that we are not to judge one another, lest we be judged. That we are to forgive, lest we become the unforgiven. If that doesn't sink in, then we can go with the ole' "What would Jesus do?" I don't think he would stand outside someones funeral holding hate signs, spreading unsupported messages. Judgement is left to God!!!

Now, religion aside... how about basic manners and respect for other people?? One of my first feelings after reading this was, how absolutely rude to invade this private family moment!! There are other places that one can protest the Military, such as outside the however many Military bases that are spread all over this great nation.

I think it is self indulgent to destroy a family's moment to say goodbye to a loved one then hide behind first amendment rights. Does freedom of speech mean anyone can say whatever they want when they want how they want to anyone, whenever they want?? I suppose if you just look at it plain and simple, sure. So while we are keeping things simple, then I think the church did cause the family emotional distress and should pay for it. Just because we have a right to free speech should not mean we can be blatantly rude, insulting and offensive and not pay for the damage we create by our actions.

This then leads me to my next assessment about this situation; It is simply that it's ridiculous that this church wants to protest the very organization that defends us to keep our right to free speech, with such a weak reason. Because some of our Military are gay. They should then set out to protest against the world, because gay people exist everywhere.

In conclusion, I think it is actions like this that have us displayed as the laughing stock of the world right now. Far too many people are only thinking of themselves and their desires, with no room for leniency to allow for any flow. You cannot please all of the people all of the time, but if we would start standing up for better moral judgement, and showing each other respect and consideration, then we could all be much happier. If you find yourself unable to offer these qualities in a situation then it may be best to just sit down and shut up.

Wandering Mind of a Daydreamer

2010-03-16T18:37:00.000-07:00

So there I sat, staring into space, blanking out my mind from the world. This is the only way I can find any peace and quiet and have some alone time for myself. I suppose it is a form of meditation, and I just let my mind drift from thought to thought.

My mind brought up the question, "What's the deal with Satan, Val?" He sneaks up on you when you aren't looking and imposes strange thoughts and behaviors on us. I hate that woman, even though I don't know her... Go ahead eat that cake, no one will know... it's not speeding, you're allowed to go 5 MPH above the posted legal speed limit.... and I am convinced the 5 second rule is from Satan as well. How could we logically think that if it's only been on the floor for less than 5 seconds, it's still good?

I am usually able to catch these thoughts and ask myself.. why are you being a hater??..... NO!! I am not going to eat that cake, I am not hungry... I still wrestle with the 5 miles over the speed limit rule... although I can manage to overcome the 5 second rule and will not eat anything dropped on the floor. Even if I hear childhood voices saying "God made dirt, so dirt don't hurt."

Sometimes when bad thoughts and feelings seem to be consuming me I simply say, "Go away Satan, don't peddle your wares with me. I'm not interested, thanks." This seems to work most of the time. Today I pondered why?? Why does this work for me?? For once in my life I think I have a valid answer ...

I love God and do believe in God. I know he is all powerful so I don't know why the following surprised me. God loves me too. He loves me even if I am not perfect. He loves me even if I am not pure. God loves me and always has.

For some reason many people put Satan on the same level as God. Thinking that they are the ultimate representation of good and evil. This isn't true, you know why? Because God made Satan too. How could Satan be as powerful as his creator?? He can't.

So Satan runs around the Earth whispering little bits of bad things in our ears, and entices us to do bad things leading us to believe he has some ultimate control over us. How can he, when even God doesn't have ultimate control over us?? We have our free will to choose.

This is why when I tell Satan to bugger off, he does. I have the power of God behind me, and within me when I need it. Even with my oddities that make up me, my not so perfect self has the power. Like She-Ra, I have the power to tell Satan to go away and stop making me feel negative. Good always wins in the end, it just needs a little push. Keep the faith.

Love,

Val

Nonsensical Murmurings of a Cursed Woman

2010-03-11T07:21:00.000-08:00

So it's rainy and gloomy today... but at least it isn't freezing. I haven't blogged because I have been under duress of physical labor.. clearing land, hacking at random things with a machete and having a run of what seems bad luck. Yes, everyone still has all their limbs... except for the trees.

I am convinced someone has cursed me...It must be this as I haven't broken any mirrors, crossed any black cats, walked under any ladders, or passed by any pennies on the ground. So now, what to do to alleviate this curse... I don't think it's a strong one so it must be fairly simple to break.

I have researched curses... and I have ruled out the following ... I am not bestowed with the egg curse, The Curse of 27, I don't have a sports related curse, I'm not a Kennedy, so that curse is null and void to me, I honestly don't have the Hope Diamond, so this is hopeless, but now The New Year's curse may be a possibility. So what do I have to do to stop this?? Eat babies?? Sacrifice goats or snakes?? Burn incense?? What?? What do I have to do??

I know Midol helps with the curse of Eve... but I think this one will require a bit more than the average extra strength Midol pill.....

Most of the websites say I should lie in a tub of sea salt and call upon my ancestors to help me remove this curse. I really don't want to disturb them in their death... it just seems rude to me and intrusive as well. If I were a dead ancestor, I'd be pretty pissed if someone bothered me with some stupid curse. Besides, Mother always taught me to call first before I visit. So this is out.. I don't like being rude.

Yesterday I thought that if I were to eat a triple whopper it would put things back in line in my life... when I made this statement, I didn't think a triple whopper existed. I thought I was just being silly and random. But, oh nooooo the curse strikes again.. now I have to eat a triple whopper or make a liar of myself... Good grief!!! I am trying to be positive about this venture, trying to convince myself that this triple whopper will be the end of my bad luck.... once I eat it.

In the meantime, the curse is taking full advantage of me and as lunch hour slowly approaches the rain grows heavier and heavier, with rumbling thunder and flashes of lightening. By the time I can go to pick one up, I'll probably be in the middle of a hurricane. Everyone will be like.. WTH did that hurricane come from?? It's my hurricane peoples!! MINE!! and my curse!! To top things off, I left my knife, fork and my chopsticks at home so I am going to have to use my hands to eat this. I don't even know if I will be able to hold the damn thing. I wish I had brought a bib with me, then again, I would have just left it with my utensils. A cursed girl can't win for trying.....

For Girls Only ~ Hosted By Sarah Salter

2010-02-26T00:05:00.000-08:00

I was asked by a friend this week, to guest post on her blog. Sarah Salter ( AKA @sarahmsalter on twitter) had the inspirational idea to write about girl things. This doesn't mean we are gossiping about you men.. although we might... you never know with us women folks..

Guys, you are more than welcome to peruse Sarah's blog, but remember you have been warned that we are dealing with girly issues here, some may be funny, some might actually offend your very nature as a man.... so #jussayin

Let's head over to Sarah's blog and see what's cooking ...... Just click below

LIVING BETWEEN THE LINES

An Offensive Lesson in Hatred

2010-02-20T18:19:00.000-08:00

The day started out like every other Friday morning at work. Making calls, checking e-mails and Tweeting like a mad twit, when my "You have a text" message sounded. Surprised at being texted at 10:30 in the morning, I immediately went to check it... from my oldest son who is 16 years old... Hmmm I thought, you get your hands cut off in school for using electronic devices during business hours. Upon checking, this is what it read:

"Check me out suppose to be big shoot out here today and I don't wana put up with it"

My first thought after reading was, yes this is my son. What an inconvenience on Friday, to be stuck in a shoot out. I wouldn't want to put up with it either. Maybe on a Tuesday...

As this thought was processing in my mind, my finger was dialing the school. "Thank you for calling Interlachen High School, can I help you?"

"Why, yes, yes you can help me indeed." I said calmly into the handset. "My name is @VariantVal and my son #1 attends school there. I am calling because I have been informed there may be possible gun play at your school today. Is there any truth to this?"

"Yes maam, this is what we have heard as well. I assure you we have taken precautions to ensure the safety of all the children. We have an increased police presence, none of the children are allowed out of class, and anyone leaving is escorted to the parking lot by an armed policeman."

Eyebrows furrowed I asked, "So you are guaranteeing me that my son is not going to be shot."

"We can make no such guarantees Maam."

"I see, then I must insist you have my son escorted to the parking lot so he may drive away from there as fast as he can."

She retorted, "Maam, we are trying to encourage parents to keep their children in school."

"Uhhhh yeah,.... no... this arrangement really doesn't work for me at all. I haven't even measured him for a coffin. This just won't be practical. Once again, please release my son from school immediately, I must insist."

"I'll transfer you to attendance, please hold."

After another run around with another woman assuring my son is safe with heightened police company and the inability to leave the classroom (what if he needs to pee??? does he get a police escort to pee??) and all measures being taken to prevent a shoot out, I was finally able to have him released. Perhaps if this is the future of our schools, they should provide Kevlar vests and assault helmets, just in case.

I later found out the reason for the problem at school. I had automatically assumed is was Blacks against Rednecks. This is the typical racially inspired hatred down here in the Southern United States. But noooo, It was Mexicans against the Blacks and the Rednecks were scared.

I have a hard time wrapping my mind around racism. I have a hard time wrapping my mind around hatred period. Hell, in Ireland white people hate white people because of religion, and they all look alike. I was admonished once for talking to a Prod. A what??? A Prod... shortened form of Protestant, I guess it's the best slur us Catholics could come up with. Anyway, I'm getting off track here...

Back to the school.... I sit here thinking, no wonder this world can't move on to address greater issues. We're still too busy hating each other and blaming each other for what wases, what ises and what will bes. I think we perpetuate this line of thinking by continuing to categorize people.

Basically we have 4 categories with many subcategories.. we have Black, White, Yellow and Red. I'm not sure about people from India though... do they have a color??? Maybe somewhere between YellowishRed. Then there are honkies, niggers, spicks, slant eyes, sand niggers, micks, wops and jews. I apologize if I have left anyone out of this line of hatred. I swear I am not being prejudiced against you.

These are all terms my 16 year son has learned, not that he practices the hatred of mass human beings, but terms he has been exposed to enough to know what they refer to and what they define in the eyes of hatred. It is not a lesson he was taught here at home. It is knowledge I wish I could erase from his mind as it is useless information.

Tonight I sit here deeply saddened by the fact that no matter how hard we try as individuals to teach our children better, the masses win out. The hatred continues to spread and it conspires against us as an evil manifestation driving people, including our children to wickedness. I do consider it wicked that children want to kill other children based on skin color.

I hope people will wake up and get their heads out of their asses; Yes people are different, we come in an array of color and beliefs, cultures and styles. Flowers come in different shapes, sizes and colors... yet we can manage to love many varieties of these. What makes it so very difficult to love another person just for being a person??? How long will our children keep learning how to hate so very well?? When will they be taught that each person in this world has much to offer to the wonder of the world?? Personally, I wouldn't want to live in a world of people that are all one color and of one mind. ZZZZzzzZZZzzzZZZzzzZZZ Oh sorry, that thought just bores me.

So this honkey, mick bitch would like to thank all the niggers, spicks, slant eyes, sand niggers, wops, crackers ( I almost forgot this one) and jews for making this a wonderful world. I am very happy you are all my friends and share your lives with me :o) I use these terms loosely, as I believe if the power of hatred is removed from them, they are no longer able to be used as ammunition against anyone.

Thanks,

Love,

Val

P.S. Let the hatred ensue!!! I have millet to pound and need to find a tree to sleep in.. so have fun.

Spewing Gushes Of Love Tokens

2010-02-13T22:32:00.000-08:00

Valentine's Day... so it is here again... what do we do with it???

Some people think it's a day to send over priced, albeit, beautiful flowers to that special person in their life. This is good, as the economy needs the stimulation. If you're lucky, maybe you even get a box of chocolates too. This will help stimulate good endorphins and hopefully quell the stress of wondering what the hell you're supposed to do today.

Do you dress up and go out to dinner? A little dancing to try and rekindle the old flame that at one time burned but now seems to be the smoke from an extinguished match head.

Perhaps it's just a reminder for some, that another year has passed and regardless of the New Year's resolution, they are still alone and now have to watch (again) as everyone else struts around showing off their flowers and gifts. Don't worry, next year you'll get flowers too.

So one big bright, beautiful day spewing love tokens and gushing shows of affection... then like that it is gone.

Maybe you're the guy that gets the raw end of the deal, going out of your way to purchase the flowers and perfect gift for the girl you love only to have it thrown back in your face: it isn't good enough or her best friend got diamonds and all she got were some lousy flowers and a stuffed teddy bear. Obviously you don't love her as much as her friend's boyfriend loves her friend.

What a day of love and giving!!!

I think the most fortunate people today are the ones who know the person they love is the one person in the world who would pluck down the stars from the sky and hand them over with the biggest smile on their face. That person, in return knows that the smile shines brighter than any of those stars. These people are the most blessed because they know when this day is over, that smile will still be there almost every day the rest of the year. They also know when the smile is not there, there are arms to hold them and they will not have to face the sad parts of life alone. They are the ones who will love unconditionally, faults, sadness, mental illness and all. They are partners and friends, lovers and inspiration for each other. They are the biggest gift they can give each other.

So yeah, roses, chocolate, diamonds and dancing are very nice. But roses die, chocolate gets eaten (or not, especially if they are the fake orange flavored cream filled ones), diamonds get placed in the jewellery box and dancing... well I can't knock dancing, it really is wonderful and fun and can be very intimate. So remember to really show your love behind all the pretty things and if you really want to give a great Valentine's gift, make a promise to show your love every day... not just this one day a year.

Oh and to you people who feel angry about what you get... stop being a selfish jerk.. someone went out of their way for you, show some appreciation. Someone loves you so don't be a bitch.

Journey Through The Broken Mirror Chapter III

2010-02-06T18:38:00.000-08:00

She reaches for the next shard of broken glass, confident that the worst has been remembered. The pieces contrasting against the black tile, almost beautiful, if she didn't know what they were, she would even say a work of art. Then again art can be very painful, can't it?

Gazing into the piece held in her wounded hand she is taken back again. A different hospital this time. She was told not to come in yet as she would most likely be sent home anyway. The contractions were not constant and regular, they said she wasn't ready. A woman knows her body and she knew it was time. She had to fight for a ride to the hospital, as he didn't want to go based on what the doctor said. She knew that her second son would soon be in her arms and used this as a threat. He finally caved in to her pleadings and brought her in.

The doctor arrived complaining that her workout was interrupted, but upon examination she quickly changed her attitude. Twenty minutes later there was a new healthy, beautiful baby boy screaming his way into the world.

She was glad for the lack of drama and pain with the birth of this one. Able to enjoy holding her baby to her immediately. What can be more glorious than this moment? Spent and worn out but still filled with an energy that only giving birth can bring.

Today she thinks of this child, out going and personable. He has no desire for academics, he prefers to build with his hands and run. The athletic one, she thinks he will be. He taught himself to do back flips on the trampoline and can run faster than any of his classmates.

He is not a baby when it comes to getting hurt, didn't even shed a tear when he had to have stitches in his lip. She told him, "Just breathe deep baby. The more you stay still, the faster it will be over with." He just nodded his head and keep his eyes on her, eyes filled with love holding back tears that wanted to fall. She smiled down at him as he lay on the gurney, brushed his hair back from his forehead, "I love you baby, you're a tough guy and doing good."

He has so much trust and faith in what she says to him. He believes in her and knows she, of everyone in the world, is on his side. She is patient with him as she teaches him to read and write, "Slow down baby, stop trying to rush it. It's better to be slow and correct than fast and wrong." She thinks his brain just moves too quick and needs a constant stimulation.

He is also going to be the lady's man. In kindergarten, he was already claimed for marriage by a cute little blonde girl who is always fashionably coordinated, usually in pink. They say men like woman who are like their mothers. This makes her chuckle to herself, remembering the day he came home from school acting dramatically depressed and even had a few crocodile tears. Upon asking what the trouble was, he admitted after some coaxing, "She broke up with me, Mom. What am I going to do now? Now ALL my children will have to have a step mom."

She kept her laughter to herself, as this was a serious matter. What a terrible world when one's children (who do not yet exist) are doomed to be raised by a wicked step mother!!These were her grandchildren he was talking about! "This is just a phase women go through baby. She will come to her senses soon enough." He hugged her tightly and kissed her cheek, "I love you, Mom." A glass of milk and a couple chocolate chip cookies later and the depression and tears for his future were gone.

Of late, she reflects on that conversation and wonders how many "ALL my children" encompasses. At least she can take stock in knowing she will get to be a grandmother some day. At least she can take stock in knowing that this handsome, hazel eyed little boy will always love her.

She smiles as she places this fragment on the table beside the other two pieces. She wonders, while gazing at them, perhaps she should try to put the pieces back together, and not just clean them up. Could that possibly be done?? She doesn't know... but thinks she should try........

Journey Through The Broken Mirror Chapter II

2010-01-30T16:57:00.000-08:00

She wipes her tears away with the back of her hand and reaches for the next piece. Her hand aches and throbs from the slice in it. Hesitating, she wonders if she really wants to look into the shard of glass, will she be able to handle the pain that may come from looking? Her fingers gingerly pick up the shinning, blood spotted fragment, she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath....... then looks.

Her breath hitches in her throat as she is drawn back to a night 11 years ago. It was pitch black that night, with no moon, the lights in the parking lot weren't working. She gave no thought to walking to her car, as she had walked this lot from the bar more times than she could count. She was enjoying her new found freedom after her divorce, meeting new friends, partying with them on the weekend. They usually met at this bar on the beach every weekend, and sometimes during the week on Salsa night.

Comfortable in her environment, she was relaxed and her guard was down, not paying attention, not looking around or between the cars as she normally does when going to her car in parking lots. He came out of no where and slammed her face first into a red sports car, knocking her senseless. Seeing stars and not yet fully comprehending what was happening he twirled her around and punched her in the face. Her knees buckled at the shock of the pain in her face and as she began to fall to the ground he grabbed her and laid her out on her back.

She tried to struggle against him, he only reared back his fist and hit her again. She could taste the blood in her mouth from the split lip and felt like she was going to pass out from his blows to her face. The just above the knee length sundress she was wearing made it easy for him to reach up and tear away her panties. She knew there was no use trying to fight as she didn't have the strength to over power him. As he forced himself inside of her, she resigned herself to lie still, and as tears ran out of her eyes, she stared at the stars in the sky and prayed that it would be over with quickly. The rocks and shells that made up the parking lot dug into her back and shoulders, but she didn't dare move to ease the pain and knew there would be cuts.

Her body stiffened when he finished and collapsed down on her, crushing her breath from her lungs. Smelling his sweat and feeling his heavy, alcohol laden breath on her neck made her want to vomit. She feared for her life when he raised his upper body off of her and grabbed her throat, squeezing so no air could escape. He leaned down and shoved his tongue in her mouth, she knew she was going to be sick for sure. He leaned down again, the weight forcing more pressure on her larynx, he says "Don't move when I'm gone. I will kill you." Then he got up and off of her and walked off.

She doesn't know how long she stayed there, afraid to move and barely able to breathe, body trembling. Her brain was blank, unable to grasp what had happened. Then the thoughts rushed at her like a title wave, or were they voices? "Miss, can you hear me?" "Are you okay?" "Can you tell us what happened?" "Who did this to you miss, did you recognise him?? Is he somebody you know, perhaps met tonight?"

No words would come, she could only stare at the mob of people that had somehow appeared around her. She was no longer lying on the ground, a blood pressure cuff on her arm, where'd that come from? "I'm going to be sick." were the only words she got out that night, then leaned over and threw up between her own legs.

The inside of the ambulance was bright, the lights a focal point to keep the thoughts at bay. Two days she spent in the hospital. 18 stitches total to her face. She hoped they wouldn't scar, then the ugliness inside of her might be able to stay hidden without showing on her face.

A few weeks later she sat on the edge of the bathtub in her bathroom, staring at the 8Th positive pregnancy test. She slid off the tub onto the floor, bringing her knees up and wrapping her arms around them and cried her heart out. Pregnant... this nightmare won't end. She cried harder as she made up her mind, and knew exactly what she was going to do. She hated herself for the decision and knew it would haunt her for the rest of her life.

The day came to have her abortion. The ride to the clinic was a quiet one, she glances to her father in the driver's seat, knowing he just can't say anything. He didn't hold this choice against her like her mother did. Supported her in fact. He was a strong man, but his heart was broken for everything that has happened. His baby girl was raped by some man they'd yet to find and now he was driving her to have his grandchild aborted. When they arrive he asks, "Do you want me to go in with you?" She shakes her head no and tries not to cry when she says , "I'll be okay, I love you Daddy." Getting out of the car, she doesn't look back because she knows he will be watching, crying for her.

Inside she signs her name on what is a very long list and is ushered to a room to change into a gown, then led to another room, dimly lit with faux leather bench seats lined along all the walls. There are at least a dozen other women waiting already, dressed in the same generic hospital gowns. Sitting, she looks around at everyone there, no one is saying anything. The young girl next to her starts to cry, she slides her hand over and grips the girls and squeezes gently. "It'll be okay." she says, knowing full well that it will not be okay, not for a very long time.

Hours go by as the women are herded through the door, being called out by first name only. She finally hears her name and an awful dread courses through her body, she stands weak kneed and tells herself to toughen up, it'll be okay. Laid up on the table, with feet in stir ups, she prepares herself to be violated again. The process is quick, ten minutes at most with a lot of pressure inside, then she is taken to a room with black leather recliners. The anesthesia wears off quickly, but she still has to wait one more hour to ensure there are no complications. She thinks this must be the cruelest part of the whole process as it gives time to think about the rape, and about where she is sitting. She can't wait to get home and curl up in her bed alone.

She walks out into the bright sunshine, resenting the feel of the warmth on her skin. It seems the day should be cold and rainy at the very least. This day that will surely be the worst day of her life. She sees her parents blue car parked in the front row and sees that her mother has come with her father to pick her up. The passenger door opens and her mother runs to her, crying and wraps arms around her. Something she really needed, to feel her mother's love. Unconditional and strong. They walk to the car and get in. Mother turns from the front seat and hands her a light brown teddy bear, wearing a blue sweater. "This is from your father."
She takes the bear and hugs it close to her, this representation of the child that will never be. A child she knows is in Jesus' care. A representation that has a permanent home in a small wooden rocking chair in her other children's bedroom today.

She sets this fragment next to the other one on the table, afraid to turn back to the mess strewn on the floor, but she knows she's got to get the pieces picked up...........

Journey Through The Broken Mirror

2010-01-25T22:12:00.000-08:00

Shattered fragments of broken glass lie upon a black tiled floor. She knows how they got there, but cannot believe this has happened. Kneeling down she begins to clean the mess, picking up pieces of the broken mirror, sure that 7 years back luck will be the resulting effect. Silly, superstitious thoughts.

She winces as a shard slices into her hand. Cursing, she reprimands herself for being careless again. Her blood spills in droplets on some of the mess, as she reaches for the hand towel resting on the black marble counter next to the sink. Not giving any thought to the permanent stain that will be left embedded in the cotton.

A flicker of light catches her eye from a dagger shaped piece, she picks it up and looks into the reflective glass and sees a vision from her past. Tears stream down her face as she witnesses the birth of her first born son. The one who was supposed to die, they said. The one who was supposed to have been a burden the past 16 years with his illnesses and psychological problems, they said. The one who would be nothing but a breathing body, with nothing to offer, they said.

Alone, she spent the better part of the 6 weeks he was intubated, at the hospital in the NICU watching the monitors, learning about blood stats and the various drugs needed to keep her baby alive. They told her not to touch him, not to stimulate him as it would cause him to work against the machines sustaining his little life. She didn't listen though, she held his tiny hand and kissed his naked back. It's a mother's love, and if her baby was going to die, he was not going to leave this world without knowing his mother's touch.

She was forced home one afternoon, after a visit to the emergency room. She'd developed an infection and told that she was not getting enough rest. Sure there were dark circles under eyes, and times when she couldn't seem to think straight, but to be home in bed resting her body was selfish. She could not leave her precious child alone in his time of need. She worried that at any moment his life would no longer be of this world and could not abandon him. No one would volunteer to drive her back, she was not supposed to drive herself, they said. You might hemorrhage, what then? But she drove and pissed off a few people. She didn't care, where were they with all this going on?? Alone, she sat hour after hour, whispering to him, expressing her love for him and desire that he live.

One night about 4 weeks into the ordeal she awoke at 2AM with an urgency to see her baby. Once again, no one would drive her. Off she went racing through the deserted streets, across the bridge spanning the river. At least you can get good parking at the hospital at that particular hour. Up the elevator to the third floor unit and what felt like a 10 mile walk to the little, darkened room they kept him in. Upon arriving she discovered, that against the medication they used to basically paralyze him, he had removed the tube from his throat. The first sign in a month since his birth, that he may survive.

She sat in a glider rocker 2 weeks later, waiting to hold her child for the first time. Soon he would be going home. When he was placed in her arms, and their eyes met, she knew everything was going to be just fine. This precious boy was going to rise above all that they said and be a wondrous joy in this world. Now, 16 years later, this miracle child, with the guardian angel attends college and will be receiving his first degree along with his high school diploma.

She sits back on her knees, clutching that memory to her, letting the tears fall for the grief and loneliness she experienced during that trying time and for the joy of knowing that it was she that stood by her child through the years, encouraging him to better himself, to use the brilliant mind that he was blessed with.

She sets the piece of broken mirror on the table beside her and as she bends to clean the mess again, her tears falling and mixing with her blood, she see another twinkle of light...........

THE UN-HOLY EARTHQUAKE

2010-01-14T05:29:00.000-08:00

I believe in God. Not in the most conventional of ways, but yes, I do believe in God. Last night while twittering away, I was paying attention to my stream with extra care, looking for links to postings that allowed people to easily help by donation, or whatever means are available, the people of Haiti. In case you haven't heard yet, they suffered a 7.0 magnitude earthquake that has completely devastated this poor island nation. Look out and care for your fellow man. This I have strong convictions in.

Pat Robertson, since last night, has been mentioned enough to make a trending topic. Really... think about that.. Pat Robertson~ a trending topic on Twitter. Okay, stop laughing now because his reason for being there is not so funny. Apparently this man thinks Haiti got what was coming to them for "making a pact with Satan." Did this happen on poker night??? Was Haiti down so hard they put up their own country and the lives of the people to keep the game going??? I have to honestly say, as someone who believes in God, I find this way of thinking completely absurd!! I am offended that anyone would even think such a thing. All these poor people (last I read death count was around 500,000 ) are the victims of Satan and are now all burning in hell???

I read tweets supporting this chain of thought and was really stunned by some who did agree. I saw a gross amount of hatred and judgement being passed around. Do you really think this was planned by God?? This earthquake was God smiting the people of Haiti for a night of poker with Satan?? I don't know what you read or where you got your ideas, but I have read that it is not for me to judge or hate. As a matter of fact, it is written that God commands that we love one another. No where did I read that He commands us to love one another.. well except the Haitians.. perhaps we should toss Californians in there too. They've had some earthquakes of late. Not as devastating as the Haitian earthquake, but what I learned about plate tech tonics and shifting is that it could very well indeed happen at anytime for California. Were the Californians at the poker game that night?? Satan must have racked it in big time and walked away with his change purse full.

The Bible does state that at end times there will be much destruction, and people will die. It does not say... " To make things easier for ME, I am just going to pick which countries come to My kingdom and which ones will burn in hell. This will include the masses of people in those particular countries. I have decided it is too difficult and time consuming for ME to take the time and judge each of you according to your works." Is anyone getting my point here???

My dear Christian friends, in your condemning the people of Haiti to hell based on Pat Robertson's statements, you are in yourself creating sin. To follow God's words at this time is to help as much as you can. There are people suffering greatly. These people have lost their homes, family members, and a way of life, that while yes, has been a hard, very poor life to say the least, but their life none the less, and each life is precious. One day you may find yourself in the midst of disaster.. do you want to be judged or be helped??

Below is a list of links you can use to chip in and help, make a donation... even if it's just 10 bucks. Skip a double, mocha, whipped, swirled, shaken on the rocks latte grande with a twist of chocolate and help feed someone, help supply a blanket to someone who has lost everything, help buy water and HELP so people can survive and hopefully thrive again.

For the American Red Cross http://www.redcross.org/

Save The Children www.savethechildren.org

Unicef www.unicef.org

Also if you or anyone you know has people in Haiti they are trying to locate call The US State Department Operations Center at 1-888-407-4747

And stop judging dead people!!!! Or live ones for that matter!!

Love,

Val

excerpt

2010-01-03T12:27:00.000-08:00

“You were one of us, Serron. Why’d you leave?” I feel very defeated and exhausted as my rage subsides into grief. I notice Boom is no longer screaming and take a glance over to him. He is curled up on the ground, but breathing and still alive. I wonder what forces in the world brought me to this place that I am at now: kneeling in the mud of a swamp, filthy, helpless, the smell of the kroyzan and the methane mixing makes me want to throw up. I rise slowly to my feet and walk back to where my crew is standing, all except Boom. I pick up my gun along the way and strap it over my shoulder.

“Gabe, help me get Boom up. He doesn’t need to be in the mud.”

Serron opens his mouth to speak, I look at him sharply, dead in the eyes, “Don’t say a fucking thing. Just shut the hell up.” I say with strength in my voice that causes him to shut his trap.
Gabe and I help Boom to his feet. Gabe asks “You okay, man?” Boom nods his head still trying to catch his breath from the psychic attack on his body. I grab his pack off his back and leave Gabe to help Boom.

I turn my back to Serron and the kroyzan , “Come on guys, let’s get the hell out of here. I need a shower and have had enough of the mosquitoes.” I pass Jake and he reaches out to grab my arm, I shrug him off. “What the hell are you doing Abs?? He’s not going to let us walk out of here.”

“My brother is right Abbie, I am not letting anyone go, especially you. The only reason your team is still alive is because of you and the fact that you will be very useful to me soon.” Serron says snidely.

“Fuck you, Serron. I am leaving, right now. Come on guys lets move it, NOW!.” I say, still walking back the way I came.

Gabe follows behind me with Boom in tow. “Abs, this is crazy you know. We’re going to die right here.”

“Not if I can help it Gabe.” I glance over my shoulder at Jake, “Are you coming babe?? I’m a bit cold and would like to warm myself by a nice hot fire.” This is when Jake notices that I have dug into Boom’s pack and pulled out a couple XM84 flash-bang grenades. He walks quickly after me eyebrows furrowed. When he reaches me, I slide him 2 of the grenades and keep 2 for myself and sling Booms bag over my shoulder.

Serron is confused by my actions and shouts out, “Stop, right now or you all die.” So I stop and hold my arm out to Jake indicating him to stop as well. Gabe stops with Boom who is finally gaining his composure back somewhat and who also sees what is in my hands. Boom urges Gabe to keep moving.

Jake and I turn to meet Serron’s gaze, I smile at him which confuses him even more. I pull one pin from a grenade at the same time Jake does and we hurl them both into the swamp. We quickly disengage the pins in the other 2 and throw them in a wider arc. We then turn and take off running encouraging Boom and Gabe to join us as the grenades explode. While these weapons don’t normally cause any harm to people, or beasts, they are a great ignition source when mixed with something like methane. My plan has the desired effect as a secondary explosion erupts, setting the swamp and cypress trees on fire. Three more explosions follow, and I glance over my shoulder to see a wall of flames between us and the enemy. “Yes!!!” I shout, pumping my fist in the air. I know this will not stop the kroyzan or Serron, but will hopefully buy us some time and signal Jude and CK to come meet us half way.

We make it about a mile before we hear the first squeals of kroyzan on our tail. “Shit” Boom says “We better haul some ass here folks.”

Up ahead we see the spot light from the Bell but way off the mark. I grab my flashlight from my utility belt, turn it on and begin waving it frantically as I keep running. The guys follow suit and we are relieved when the chopper heads straight in our direction.

Jude doesn’t land the chopper, but flies it in low and turns it. Ck slides open the door as we reach the machine. Ducking down under the blades, this is a habit even though they can’t touch us while spinning, Gabe and Boom load up and Jake helps me in, then crawls in himself.

“Holy Mother of Christ!!” CK exclaims. “That looks like one hell of a party you guys were at. I wonder what the bill is for burning down a swamp??”

“Just get us the hell out of here, let’s fly Jude!!” Jake yells over the sounds of the engine.
Jude banks the copter to the North and out of the enemy zone. “Wish I had my camera. Man, I’ve never seen a swamp on fire before. That’s spreading pretty quick.” He says through his mouthpiece.

I notice CK staring at me with his “look”. It’s one I’ve grown to know very well, it basically says, “Girl, what have you gone and done now?” I raise my eyebrows at him and half smile, a look that he knows says, “Uhhh, oops!!” I can’t help but take the opportunity to rib him and quote Robert Frost, “Some say the world will end in fire, some say in ice. From what I have tasted of desire, I hold with those who favor fire.” Then smile my biggest smile on my muddy, dirty, bloody face. He chuckles at the quote and says, “I hate to see what you do with ice.”

Share The Love

2009-12-21T20:01:00.000-08:00

So the year is coming to an end finally... a time to move on to the new and rehash the old and hopefully learn from mistakes. This year has been the roughest year of my life. Many people died, were and are sick, some caught up in drug addictions and have lost their way late in life. I've watched people trying to bounce back from grief from losing a child, people who have fought their way back from a supposed death sentence of cancer.

This year, many businesses have failed and many have struggled to hang on. Banks have closed, people have lost their homes, their jobs. For some this was too much so they took their families lives as well as their own. We continue to wage wars and lose many good people fighting in these wars. It seems this year was the height of missing children, crimes against children.

Thanks to twitter and new friends I have met, I have had my eyes open to the world. From happy traditions to horrible atrocities. My mind has been filled with points to think on, to meditate on and to reflect. I wonder where our world is headed. I sometimes feel fear for the world my children will live in and the damage they will have to mend. I have faith in them. They all seem young and stupid, but we all were at some time. I still feel young and stupid several times a week.

I think though, of all the things that have transpired this year, I will choose to hold on to friendships made. To hold on to love that I know surrounds me and is deeply embedded in my heart. There is joy to be found in all the turmoil, if we just sit back, shut-up for a moment and listen. It can be heard if you let yourself. In this mad, crazy world there is still happiness. If you cannot find it within yourself, look to your friends and keep looking until you find it. Sometimes it is in the person you least expect, or even least notice. So take a moment to reflect on all the people in your life, including tweety peeps, they are just people like you at the other end of the keyboard. Let those people, or hell, even just one person know they have made a difference for you. Thank them and smile for them, because you may make a difference in someone else's life.

The Holiday Party Guide

2009-12-15T18:23:00.000-08:00

When you find yourself at ANY holiday party, office, friend's house, hell if you're crashing a party... please follow the following...

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare... You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something.

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free.. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards Man!!

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, Jack Daniels in the other....body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

Merry Christmas!!!

Demons Among Us

2009-12-15T04:32:00.000-08:00

I can't remember the name of the movie Denzel Washington was in; but it was about a demon that was able to pass from person to person by touch. There was a scene on a crowded city street where the demon was able to escape Denzel by "passing through" all the people it came in contact with. No running, how about that? If you live in a big city, or if you've even watched a movie with New York in it, then you know there are thousands of people in the crowd.

There are days when I feel the whole world is that crowd and there is more than one demon running amok,passing through us and spreading feelings of sadness and doom. This feeling seems to grow the closer we get to Christmas. Have we really gotten to be such a materialistic, power hungry society that somewhere in the middle of acquiring all our goods, and making all our power plays that we have forgotten we are people??

In Africa, female circumcision is alive and well. Recently I read an article where this is being done to teen aged pregnant girls. This is, in most (and I would venture to say all) cases a forced procedure. Now seriously think about that..... How horrifying that must be. What horrifies me more is the few people I felt I could discuss this with really didn't care what was happening in Africa. Here is where I think the demon has invaded. How could someone not care once this is learned? How can this barbaric atrocity still be happening in the world today?? Why isn't more being done to stop this???

In Uganda, if you are gay or have AIDS it's possible you could receive the death sentence, this is still in debate. The article attached is dated December 10, 2009. Yes, that's right a week ago. If you are a family member or friend of someone who is gay or has AIDS and you do not report your loved one to the government for these things, then you face 7 years in prison. The demon strikes again, in office and on the street. One person I spoke to about this said, "Good, then we won't have to worry about the faggots and the disease will be controlled." WHAT???

These 2 particular articles have been in my head since I've read them. I look around and see people complaining that there is not enough money to buy MORE stuff for Christmas and they are sad and depressed. This is the retail demon taking over. Really, our children would be much happier if Uncle Bob were killed for having AIDS as long as they get that new I pod. Things would be great while sister Janie is recovering from her genital mutilation, so long as that new digital camera is under the tree.

Sometimes selfish human nature sickens me. I have been feeling this the last few days and sit and wonder what I can do. What part can I play in all of this to try and help. I really don't know. I do know I can make more people aware and perhaps this will get to someone who has some ideas.

The really sad part, the truly depressing part of this is wondering how many really do care?? I care to the point of making myself sick. This also makes me realize what is important this Christmas. Look around your life, at the people you see day in and day out, your family, your friends and even the strangers you see on a regular basis at the grocery store, now smile and say hi. Because they matter, you matter. Even the crazy guy at Wal-Mart. Try to avoid being touched by the demons.

Merry Christmas!!

Dancing With Life and Death

2009-12-10T18:36:00.000-08:00

Stop and listen..
Do you hear the call??
Of darkest whispers and crimson fall

Stand still don't move...
Did you feel it's touch??
The painted dreams of lies and such

Quick now move..
Did you delay??
Escape the pain, perhaps you may

Run faster now...
Do you dare???
Into the woods so bleak and bare

Again you stop...
Can you hide??
The demons welling up inside

Take a breath...
To stop the sin???
The feelings coming back again

Open your eyes...
Do you see it shine??
The brilliant light that tells the time

Move again..
Are you so old??
Fight the crimson and the cold

Now take a step...
Did you just falter??
Just breath again and take another

This is how we make the choice
To live in darkness or rejoice
Just step again and keep on dancing
This is life, we take our chance in.

WAITING

2009-12-03T19:09:00.000-08:00

Waiting................ and waiting.......... I've learned, God, to patiently wait. I wait in long lines at the grocery store and patiently bide my time looking at the magazines or talking to the person next to me, also waiting. I wait at the bank to make deposits and withdrawals, zoning out and telling myself to be patient.

I wait at red lights, trying not to overload my brain using telekinesis to turn the light green. I even wait while the person in the car in front of me finishes putting on her make up or reading the newspaper, and I don't honk my horn. I wait... ever so patiently for inconsiderate people.

I wait and try to be patient as my children tell me in long drawn out, over adjectived (yes my own word), monotonous voiced, tall-tale telling of their very boring, unenlightening, stupid, days at school (their words, not mine). I wait to hear why one is crying and the other is yelling and screaming. I wait while I listen to how GI Joe lost his arm and try to teach them to wait for the glue to dry, so the arm will be repaired only to be torn away during the next battle.

Today I waited as I read about Immune Thrombocytopenic Purpura , and will have to wait for my next blood test or two to see what is up. Tonight I sit here and think about all the waiting I have done in my life. Waiting on things, waiting on people, waiting on cars, waiting in line, waiting for the right moment just to wait for the next moment. Tonight I am tired of waiting and feel very impatient. Tonight I am tired of waiting. Tomorrow will be a better day... for one it's Friday.... but I won't be waiting :o)

ODE TO PEANUT BUTTER

2009-11-30T15:41:00.000-08:00

In response to @PuriChristos and my double dog dare

Peanut butter you are a wonder
I dream about you when I slumber
Not the creamy icky kind
Crunchy suits my taste just fine

Except of course when your in a cup
Surrounded by chocolate, I eat you up
Smooth then I will enjoy
Paper wrapping peeled Oh Boy!!

Mixed into a cookie batter
I'll eat you raw, it doesn't matter
Cooked up fresh, you are the best
Burnt up bottoms I detest

You look awful nasty in your jar
A good source of protein, definitely by far
You have a strange tan brownish hue
I would not want you in my shoe

A little knowledge removed from some
From my hair you remove the gum
Yes you may smell a little funny
But in my tummy you are very yummy.

The Christmas Wish

2009-11-29T16:30:00.000-08:00

White snow glistening all around, the forest trail unwinds

A path that leads to no where, two lovers slowly stride

From the town they hear the sound of children's happy glee

Skating on the frozen lake, and running wild and free

Years have passed since they first met, and never could let go

Of feelings toward each other, that only seemed to grow

An ocean apart, but close at heart, they held on to the wish

That come one Christmas Eve some day, they would share a kiss

The time has finally come for them to never be apart

He holds her frail and aging hand, as he's always held her heart

They stop amidst a copse of trees, the perfect place indeed

To share this long awaited gift, to fill an aching need

This will be their first kiss, a distant love they've shared

His eyes have grown quite tired and there's silver in her hair

He reaches out to hold her, she moves to his embrace

She turns her chin up towards him, he looks down at her face

He leans his head in slowly, their hearts pound and race

He kisses her so softly, with love and with such grace

The Christmas Wish they've waited for, granted for these two

Now they'll never be alone a Christmas dream come true.

GREAT CHRISTMAS GIVE AWAYS

2009-11-22T15:54:00.000-08:00

Tis the season for sharing and caring. As most of you know I am in the skincare/ fashion industry and usually keep that separated from my personal self. With the holidays at our door, I cannot contain myself from blogging about some extra fun stuff. Being a girly girl I just love to receive multi-colored eye shadows, blushes, perfumes, lipsticks, lotions and all things girly for Christmas.

Ladies, I know most of you like these things too. We love being soft, beautiful, colorful and sparkley.

Guys, I'm sure you have a lady or 10 in your life who would love some of this stuff. Mom, sister, lover, wife, girlfriend whatever. We love products and shoes as much as you love power tools.

So here is the start of some fun give aways you can enter, or stores you can shop, I will update these as I go along and find out what more companies are doing. If you have any questions about any of this (especially you guys who want to make your women happy) just leave me a comment. Or if you follow me on Twitter just give me a shoutout ( @VariantVal ).

My first favorite give away is:

http://www.beautyxpose.com/ is hosting their annual BX "Holiday Haul" that includes $1000 of products, you can enter on their site or simply click the handy button to the right of your screen to be directed to enter. Prize package includes Nubar Prisms Nail polish Collection – 8 gorgeous nail polishes not yet released!

Along with the following:
Nubar Skin Essentials 6 Pack (Hand and Body Lotion)
Nubar Skin Essentials Sherbet Splash Foot Scrub (16 oz.)
Nubar Skin Essentials Sherbet Splash Foot Butter (8 oz.)
ghd IV styler 1 inch
ghd elevation shampoo (normal to fine hair)
ghd elevation conditioner (normal to fine hair)
ghd remedy cream (leave-in strengthening treatment)
ghd thermal protector (weak and damaged hair)
ghd uplift spray (flexible-hold spray volumizing gel)
ghd shining serum (dry, frizzy hair)
Estee Lauder Opulent Shimmer Powder
Cover FX MintGlaze FX (BX Review)
Cover FX Conceal FX (BX Review)
Cover FX Skinprep FX
Renee Rouleau Triple Berry Smoothing Peel (BX Review)
Renee Rouleau Mint Buffing Beads
Britney Spear Circus Fantasy Eau de Parfum, 3.3 oz. (BX Review)
Mariah Carey Forever Eau de Parfum, 3.3 oz. (BX Review)
Hervé Gambs Scented Candles at Quel Objet

WOW!!! Thank you to the ladies at BeautyXpose and special thanks to my friend Anne Houseman for bringing this to my attention!! *kisses*

While you are visiting don't forget to check out www.beautyXpose.com for excellent make up and fashion tips as well as some fun with the WTF of the week. Ever wondered about the products offered on the market??? You'll find honest product reviews here as well.

Love and good luck!!!

Valerie
XXXOOOXXX

Eyes Closed

2009-11-15T20:22:00.000-08:00

I am so very tired and drained. I need you with me now, so I close my eyes and think of you. My heart is filled with joy, my spirit lifts with my eyes closed and you near me. With my eyes closed this world is ours, we have each other to touch, to feel, to talk, to listen. You are mine when my eyes close.

Night is upon me now and with eyes closed I can feel you lying next to me in a bed that is our own. I can hear your heartbeat as my head rests on your chest soothing in my ear. Your arm wrapped around me tight, pulling me close to you, our hands entwined on your stomach. Our love encompassing my very being.

It is cold tonight, but the warmth of your body against me keeps the chill of the night at bay. The sound of your voice in my mind keeps me from breaking as you tell me "It's all going to be okay." You soothe me. I can hear you talking to me now, as if you were with me. With eyes closed the vibration of your voice calms my body, my tension easing away.

With eyes closed I begin to drift off to sleep next to you with the peace and comfort you bring. Before I fall into my dreams I lift my head, you lower yours, for a tender kiss good night. My heart fills with love and the cacophony in my mind stops. I miss you most at night but with my eyes closed I do not miss you anymore, because you are here with me as you will be in my dreams.

Truth Shall Make You Comfortable

2009-11-13T10:58:00.000-08:00

I was initially excited when I was told about National Novel Writing Month. Sounds fun, I thought. I can dish out some words. 50,000?? No problem. Hell I tweet more than a porn bot. So I invested about 4-5 hours of time into the last three posts. See I can get some words out... that's the easy part. Guess what??? I had a problem. Seriously. Even before I sent this to a friend to have him look over it, I was thinking, this is just plain old crap. To my friend, I'm sorry I even wasted your time with that, but you dear sir are an inspiration. Thank you for being honest with me.

I tried justifying it in my head... this is about quantity not quality. It's crap, my little voice screamed at me. How can you possibly submit anything like that to anyone, even for shits and giggles??

I can't. I know this competition is really great and important for some people and I have a couple of friends who have decided to challenge themselves. One in particular is really rocking it out. Cool deal.

Me, I have gone back to the drawing board to mix it up again and give a full hearted effort into writing a novel. I feel more in my place now taking this path. I've also learned a lesson in all this... in writing, life, sex whatever you do, be you and do what feels right in your heart. Don't be compelled to keep up with the Jones' just be you and the world (and yourself) will love you more for it. Write from the heart, not for the count.

Love,

Me :o)

Chapter III - The Studious Duo

2009-11-04T23:06:00.000-08:00

Paul and Chris stand outside the study door, guns drawn, ready to fire. “Go ahead, open the door.” Paul nods his head towards the closed door. “Uhh do I look like Mikey, willing to try anything? You open the door. I’ll cover you.” Chris states. “Besides I’m a better shot than you are old man.”

Paul shakes his head “you are the biggest pansy of a tough guy I have ever met. Fine I’ll get the door, but if something gets me then I am coming back to haunt you every night for the rest of your life.” Paul takes in a deep breath, trying to steady the nervousness he feels. He exhales and reaches his hand towards the door knob.

Chris raises the Glock holding it with two hands, aimed at the door. “I’ll try not to shoot you. Count of three?”

Paul grasps the knob “three, two, one.” He turns the knob and throws open the door. “No lights, can’t see anything.” He reaches blindly around the corner, fully expecting something to grab his arm and tear him to shreds, flipping the switch, he pulls back to allow Chris space to clear the room.

Chris steps through the door glancing quickly around the entire room watching for immediate danger. He then begins a thorough visual scan starting on the left side of the room working his way around to the right. This is a moment when he is very thankful for sparse furnishings, nothing for some creepy to hide under or behind. “Clear!” He speaks loudly so Paul can hear him.

Both men visibly relax, tension melting from their shoulders and neck. “Okay, no witch waiting in the wings for us. So where did the who or whatever go that dirtied our floor?” Paul asks out loud.

Chris just shrugs his shoulders in reply.

Three gunshots echo through the monastery, the two men look at each other then take off running towards the sound.

Chapter II - Halls of Hell

2009-11-04T23:01:00.000-08:00

Brothers Phillip and Pedro walk through the dim lighted stone hallways feeling the damp chill the walls seem to always hold this time of year. “I don’t know about you, but this whole mess has my hackles raised.” Phillip says to Pedro. “Yeah I’m feeling you here gringo. Who would be crazy enough to go down in the basement?? They must have a death wish. I only hope whoever it was that went down is the same thing that came up.”

The two approach the closed double wooden doors of the impromptu infirmary. “Did you hear that, amigo?” Phillip comes to a stop holding his hand out signaling Pedro hold up“Listen.”

Pedro freezes and tunes his hearing into the silence, “I don’t hear anything, gringo.”

“I know I heard something, sounded like someone dragging something. There it is again.” This time the noise was accompanied by a low gravelly growl. “I know you heard that one, amigo. “

Pedro throws the safety on Colt .45 in his hand. “It’s behind us, man. This sucks.” The low growl becomes a piercing scream as Pedro senses movement behind him. Instinctively he drops and rolls to the left, where he has more room to maneuver, coming up in a crouched position on one foot and one knee. He draws on the Colt looking for a target to sight on to. He feels more than sees the looming figure almost directly in front of him and fires three rounds. Pedro is thrown back against the wall as the weight of the creature falls on him. “PHIL, MAN, HELP ME HERE. IT’S GOT ME!! GET IT OFF, SHOOT IT, SOMETHING!!”

Chuckling, Phil says “Pedro, it’s dead, you got it. Open your eyes and look. You should see yourself lying there screaming like a woman. “

Pedro pulls back his head and opens his eyes and stares directly into the gaping mouth of the creature. Elongated fangs dripping with frothy saliva stare back at him. He has flashes of what could have happened had he not fired when he did. Pedro does the sign of the cross as he pulls himself from under the beast. “Bless you Santa Maria, bless you for saving this humble Mexican’s butt.”

“Now what do we do with this thing?” Phil looks at Pedro, “It’s your mess. Didn’t your mother teach you to clean up after yourself?”

“Let’s go check on everyone first.” Pedro says as he fires off two more rounds into the creature’s skull for good measure. Phil stares at him as if he has lost his mind. “What? Don’t you watch horror movies? Things like this always come back. If I had a stake, I’d drive it through it’s heart as well.” Phil laughs at his friend, “Only you amigo, only you.”

Chapter I - Night Terrors

2009-11-04T22:56:00.000-08:00

Night was settling over the monastery. Brothers Paul, Phillip, Chris and Pedro were on guard duty this night. Checking all the windows and doors on the ground floor and working their way up the levels as they planned. They did not want to be too far from anyone at any given time. They were the only four among them that had any military training at all, other than Father Marcus, but he was out of commission at the moment. The Brothers insisted on being a night watch team each evening, sleeping sporadically throughout the day. Lives were at stake. Luckily for them, a few of the men that had come to the church to seek sanctuary from the outside had brought weapons and ammunition. It still wasn’t enough to defend against any major attack.

Making his pass near the basement door, Brother Chris is taken aback , his eyebrows furrow as he looks at the floor. He cautiously approaches the door to check the locks, it is secure and in tact. “We’ve got a problem here boys!!! Basement access, now!!!” He shouts as loud as he can as he quickly turns 180 degrees to scan the kitchen. Not too many places for someone to hide, but still don’t want to take any chances. Brother Chris switches the safety off on the Glock 9 millimeter semiautomatic he is carrying and loads a round into the chamber. He would never admit it, but feels somewhat relieved when Brothers Paul, Joshua and Pedro enter the kitchen, weapons at ready.

“What is it??” Brother Paul asks, a quizzical expression on his face.

“Look at the floor” Chris says.

The other Brothers notice the muddy, wet foot prints tracking from the door through the kitchen towards the dining hall. “But how can this be?? There are orders no one is to go in the basement. Surely these things haven’t adapted to walk through solid objects. So what is going on here?” Brother Pedro asks as he bends over to inspect the prints. “Looks like some blood mixed in here too.”

“We have to secure everyone. Pedro, Phillip, you two go and make sure everyone is safe. Chris and I will follow the breadcrumbs to see where they take us.” Brother Paul orders.
Pedro and Philip take off towards the make shift medical ward designed to tend to the ill; where everyone should be.

“Well Hansel, are you ready to find the witch??” Brother Paul teases. Chris rolls his eyes at Paul’s ever corny sense of humor.

Paul and Chris start tracking the footprints through the kitchen, out the side door into the dining room. Weapons raised, they swiftly scan the room, checking both sides of the door working their sights inward towards the center of the room. They each take a side and canvas under the long oak dining room table where they used to have their meals. Empty.

They continue to follow the tracks through the room towards the study. Walking over the multi-colored area rug they notice there are no more tracks on the other side. They glance at each other, “What now Sherlock??” Chris asks Paul “Elementary my dear Watson, we continue this way and back track if we don’t find anything in there.”

They both raise their weapons, tense with the knowledge that the study has no other doors. Either they are going to have a confrontation with a beastie or they have been fooled by a brainless wonder. Worse yet someone might have been down in the basement doing something criminal like letting a creep or two in. None of these conclusions seems to make either man feel at ease.

Black Friday or Black November?

2009-11-04T05:06:00.000-08:00

It seems the Holiday Season arrives earlier and earlier each year. I suspect we may be having a daylight savings year and no one is telling us. As a friend pointed out a few weeks ago, Christmas decorations and what nots are already being sold in major stores competing with Halloween. How bizarre is that? Was The Nightmare Before Christmas really some strange prediction???

This is a very difficult time a year for us shopaholics. That's right I am a shopping addict among other things. I am very attracted to the hype, the glamour, the sparkles and glittery stuff laid out right at my feet screaming "Buy me, buy me!!". I am helpless. All I can do is stand there nodding my head yes, thinking, "oh yeah, I REALLY need a reindeer dressed as Santa riding a Harley Davidson motorcycle singing Christmas carols." Who in their right mind could possibly pass up such a treasure??

As a shopaholic, Black Friday has always been one of my favorite days of the year. A day when you get to go in search of the perfect gifts for the right people at super slashed sale prices. It's the only day of the year where one can shop from 5 in the morning until Midnight. Not only that, but it is a day set aside strictly for shopping. No other addiction can claim right to that. There is no Everybody Have a Drink or 20 Day, no Hey, Have a Hit of Crack Day and I have never seen anything reminding me, Gamble Free Today, and we will wait 90 days before destroying your life.

To me, Black Friday is now turning into Black November. The sales are not being held out until that one wonderfully spectacular day when we go out in droves for a bargain. On one Black Friday site, you can now buy a 42" Plasma screen HDTV for $499.00. This is happening right now, this magical Black Friday sale. But wait a minute??? Isn't it Wednesday today?? And this is where my let down comes in.

Where is the thrill??? The fun??? I don't want to sit here at home, grabbing my Black Friday deals all through the month of November, leaving me with nothing but clean up to do on Black Friday. I know many of you must be thinking "Okay, Val's really gone over the edge this time."

I do feel strongly about this. I don't think retailers should be offering Black Friday deals on Wednesday, November 4th. I already have it in my head that I will not shop at any stores selling Black Friday deals right now. This is like people showing up at 5 Am for your garage sale when your ad said it started at 10. What's the deal with this?? I am angry at you retailers for using this very sacred day and warping it's beauty and fun. I love going out ALL day on that very special Friday, exhausting myself and spending obscene amounts of money. I LOVE coming home and taking out all the little goodies I bought for people, feeling excited because I just know they are going to love that polka dotted shiny tie, or the hand knitted jumper with the candy canes all over it. Yeah, you should see what you get if you're on my bad list.

All I have left to say to these retailers is Please!!! Please save the Black Friday sales for Black Friday!!! Wasn't Christmas in July enough of an early Holiday shopping spree?? You will not tempt me into early Black Friday purchases!!! Oh look a pink flamingo dressed like an elf that dances to "Jingle Bells."

Reaching Sleep

2009-10-22T15:55:00.001-07:00

When I cry myself to sleep tonight, hold me in your dreams

Keep me close beside your heart, so I can hear it's beat

Let me feel the warmth that's you surround my very soul

For when it's daybreak in morning light I know that you must go.

But for that intermittent while, when in our secret place

Let me feel you next to me, in your warm embrace

Breathing slows as comfort grows and into dreams we go...

A Place In My Heart

2009-10-16T16:13:00.000-07:00

I dreamt about you again last night. We were lying close on our sides facing each other atop a blanket in the warm sand. A gentle breeze was blowing softly over us. I couldn't hear what we were talking about, all I heard was the gentle waves washing ashore. The sun was shining brightly down on us in our little world. Not another living soul was near. We were smiling and I felt whole and perfectly content just being with you. My heart so overjoyed it seemed it would jump out of my chest. You said something funny and we laughed together then you reached your hand out and placed it on my cheek and pulled me to you for a kiss. A very pleasurable shock of energy shot through me. In that moment I was completely yours and you mine. It is a moment I could stay lost in forever.

In my waking hours I can feel you with me wherever I go. Other than two particular things, if I start to feel down or frustrated I think of you and it goes away. If I feel lost or scared you help me find my way to be brave. Who would have thought just knowing someone as wonderful as you existing in this world could bring so much peace and happiness. I feel like God has let me in on some big secret no one else knows and here lately I walk around with a smile on my face, knowing I am blessed with the most extraordinary gift. You are my personal angel and I cherish you.

We may never meet, who knows??? I do know you have a permanent home in my heart and I will never evict you. I will carry you with me always. Your existence brings me peace and comfort. I feel safe having you with me. Even when it is your time to go, to move on to other things, a part of you will always be here with me, loved unconditionally.

Stay With the Flock???

2009-10-13T16:13:00.000-07:00

I'm not political enough. I feel there is too much corruption in government to form an honest opinion about almost anything. The majority of people that are political figure heads are too worried about trying to look good on camera, or saving their own asses that it seems most forget the reasons they became government representatives.

I find myself trying to read articles or watch the news to "catch up" on what I know I am behind in. It all seems to blur in front of my eyes or in my ears. I feel like a Peanuts character in class "Wahn wahn whan blah blah blah" this is how it comes across. I can make out a phrase every now and then and usually I think "What the hell does that have to do with the price of French Toast in China?"

Sitting back, I do see one thing that concerns me and that is how people are reacting to each other. You got your Finger Pointers who like to blame everything on someone else. You have your Alarmists that scream FIRE!! every chance they get. Then there are the I'm Righters, the ones who know everything and cannot be told differently. Super Stars... I think of all the jerkoffs these are my favorite. The ones who like to flap their jaw about nonsensical things in a way that makes people admire them. These people amaze me as they seem to collect quite a following of sheep... the groups that follow behind them, nodding their heads in agreement and have absolutely no clue why they are there.

The sheep are the ones we really need to be afraid of, as these are the ones pushing the Know it Alls, the Alarmists and the Finger Pointers. The sheep support and uphold the leader's opinions giving credence to quite a bit of bullshit. The leaders, being the types to want to be glorified, are pleased as long as the sheep are happy.

Then one day all of the flocks, herding their leaders, wind up in the same grazing field. The Alarmist sheep shove their Alarmist leader to the middle of the field to shout some scary biz, "We cannot all eat in the same field!!!! There will not be enough grass and then we will all starve!!!" The sheep of this clan all nod in unison and agree "Baaaaa We will all starve!!"

The Finger Pointing herd shove their Finger Pointing leader to the front to speak up "This is all your fault!!! If you hadn't come along there would be plenty of grass for everyone!!" The herd of this clan all nod their heads "Baaaaa All your fault!!!"

The leader of the Super Stars is shoved up to speak on behalf of his sheep "Well since we are the most important of the sheep, with the best wool, we should be the ones to have the grass. The world cannot live without us" The herd nods their heads in agreement "Baaaaa We are important and the best!!"

Ultimately the leaders and the sheep end up fighting all summer long, that no one takes the time to enjoy the scenery or taste the grass. By the time the sheep are done stomping around the beautiful field, all of the grass is trampled into dirt and destroyed.

"What are we going to do now??" All of the sheep say, looking to their leaders for a solution. The leaders are clueless as they've always done what the flock wanted and the flock has no thought on the matter. The sheep all stand around wailing and crying, blaming each other and fighting for the right to be most important until they kill each other off.

This is how I see the world. Everyone wants their place in the sun, and no one wants to really do anything to make it better. People are dying everyday from hunger, war and abuse. All that happens about it is talk. If we are to change for the better then we need to own up to our wrongs and start treating each other respectfully. Hate me, love me whatev, I do not want to run with the flock. Not while it just tramples everything in it's path for it's own goals.

Emo Ramblings of a Daddy's Girl

2009-10-10T11:22:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here wanting to write, crying my eyes out, my heart hurts so bad. I can't seem to find the words. I wish I could just post my heart right now, just stick it right up on the page and let it go at that. How can I even write about how wonderful of a Father you are. You taught me to be tough, and I'm not doing a good job of that right now. I feel like a little girl again and want to crawl into your lap and cry while you hold me and assure me that everything is going to be alright. I know we can't live forever, I know death is part of life but I don't want to let you go. How can I be Daddy's little girl with you gone??

I know you expect me to toughen up because I am going to have to be the one with the balls when the time comes. I know you expect me to look after Mom, because this is going to crush her. I just talked with her a little while ago and she's trying to put on a brave face for you. But we know what's coming. We know it won't be long before you are gone from us. I hope we get to have this Christmas coming up. I know the kids love you so much and this is always the best time of the year. So please God, let us have Christmas.

We've already had too much death this year, with Aunt Margaret and Uncle Tony, Gramps and Mary Lou. I don't know if I have it in me to handle this right now. I know, I know I have no choice, what's going to happen is going to happen.

I want to run to you right now, but can't because of this stupid ass cold, or bronchitis or whatever the hell it is. The kids are sick too and we can't risk you getting sick right now. I want to hug you, Daddy and tell you how much I love you. I'm scared, are you scared too???

Please tell me everything is going to be alright.

Egypt, land of the dead

2009-10-05T20:31:00.000-07:00

The papyrus sway in the cool night air, dancing to an unheard song. The muddy water of the Nile swishes against the river bank keeping rhythm with the wind. I've always enjoyed this time of night alone. My chance to think and study. I am not supposed to know how to read, much less study the practices of the High Priests. Daughter of the Pharaoh, I am to be seen, not heard, as if I were a child. I am merely a decoration to be adored and catered to.

My twin sister, Kakra, who is minutes younger than I, loves the attention . She is a self indulgent, narcissist. She thinks she is prettier than me, although we are the same. Kakra constantly chides me " You are father's favorite, blessed and named by the Goddess Isis at birth, you really think you are something special. One day I will see that you pay, Eshe!! You will NEVER rule these lands as Queen. I am stronger than you and will be ruler!!"

Dealing with that who wouldn't love a little time alone with the crocodiles and toads??? "I heard that," I hear Kakra say in my head. Okay so I don't ever really get much time alone, my sister and I, while completely different in personality, share a psychic bond and are in each others heads all the time. As little girls, this was fun. We could share secrets and no one could over hear. I know everything about her and she about me. I know she too, has been studying, although she has a preference for the black arts. "Leave me be, Kakra." I hear her laughing response, oh how she loves to torment me.

I open my book to read, but begin to feel very sleepy after sipping from my cup of wine. The words on the pages are a blur and I cannot make them out. As I drift off as I hear echos of my sister's laughter.

I awake to find myself laid out on a stone table stripped of my garments and adornments. My eyes are open and I can see. I can hear the High Priest cast his last rites as the others, adorned in their death ceremony masks chant around us. I wonder who has died??? I try to sit up to see, but cannot move. I feel hands on my body, rubbing scented oils and realize this is the purification ritual of the dead, and they think I am the dead. Panic seizes me, I try to fight, but once again find my body paralyzed by whatever evil spell has been cast. I feel a burning like acid, begin to course through my body and know that she has poisoned me. My own flesh and blood. "I told you I would be Queen" I hear Kakra in my head. "Help me, Kakra, please. This is wrong!!" All I hear is her evil laughter in response to my begging.

A hand reaches across my face and gently closes my eyes and I feel the cool, metal of silver coins being placed on my lids, my fee to cross the river Styx. I scream, but it only resounds in my head. I begin praying to Isis, who blessed me at birth. "Mother Isis, please help me, please let them see that I am still alive." I hear Kakra "No one will help you, you are dead to everyone."

Two strong, masculine hands grab my head and tilt it back. It is the priest. I can smell the burning incense mingled with the sweat of his body as he speaks the death blessing to me. I know what is next and try with all my might to move, to blink, anything so this madness will stop!! I feel the hook begin to make it's way up my nasal passage. It's goal is to remove my brain piece by piece. I try to mentally block out what is happening. It seems to work as the world goes dark.

I come to, feeling dizzy and confused. I can move and breathe, it was only a dream! I open my eyes fully and am taken aback. I am still in the death chamber, although on the floor. I see my body laid out on the table, the priest inserting the hook. I hear my sister in my head "NOOOooooOOo!!! How can this be???? " Now it is my turn to laugh "I am the blessed one Kakra, my name, Eshe is life. You were merely a shadow of me. Now you're body is my vessel, and how convenient it is that I don't have to change a thing. It's great to be twins, is it not, Kakra??" I laugh again at her horror. " I must excuse myself now, it's seems Father is about to come down with the same ailment as I, oh wait, you. I must prepare myself to step into his place."

As I walk out of the chamber, I hear the wet pop and squishing noise as the hook jams into Kakra's brain. I giggle softly as I set out to rule the world.

MY rant for the day

2009-09-30T20:37:00.000-07:00

I am a loud, over zealous, rambunctious, gun toting American. Oh yes I am. I own my ten acres of land in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by cows and trees. If I were a little less scrupulous, and well let's face it, a man, I would walk out my front door and piss in my yard. My neighbors wouldn't care, hell they wouldn't even see, unless they were spying on me with the ever loving binoculars. We may live far from each other, but we are nosy neighbors.

I have lived and visited other countries and have a love for each of them. Each place has it's own quality, culture and way of life. I've adopted some of these things into my American life and will continue to build on my eclectic array of ways about me. I have the freedom, will and desire to do so. Yes, I am an American and I am proud to be such.

Do I like the political crap that is being shoveled like the cleansing of a horse stall??? Hell no!! But like a horse stall, the shit must be removed so the horse doesn't live in fecal decay. Fresh hay needs to be put down to set a clean foundation.

I find myself somewhere in the middle of the whole Democrat/ Republican category. Health care is a major issue right now. I don't have health insurance and have to pay for any care I or my family needs. If I go to the doctor's I pay him, I pay for my prescriptions and I haven't gone broke yet. As of yet, this has been cheaper for me to do rather than pay $1000.00 a month for health insurance for my family. Come tax time, I write off my expenses. I would say I spend on average, $2000.00 a year for services rendered. That's about a $10,000.00 annual savings for me. This is not including and co-pays or deductible. That could be, and I will be fair, another $2500.00 a year. So now I'm saving $12,5000.00 annually.

I don't think someone deserves anything thing just because they breathe and take up space. I think people need to be more responsible for their actions. I have been in the Emergency Room with my son, bleeding from a split lip, needing stitches, only to have to wait behind people visiting for a cold. This truly pisses me off. They can't manage to beg, borrow or steal a five spot for a bottle of Robitussin??? This would save my country a ton of money. The average ER visit will cost no less than $500.00. So you have a cold and go to the ER, run up a bill for $500.00 that you know you aren't going to pay because you don't give a shit, as long as you are getting what you want. On this very same night, while holding ice to my son's lip in the lobby, waiting for the person ahead of me to have their nose blown and wiped (that tissue cost us $2.00 by the way), I had the honor of having an in depth conversation with a woman who was visiting due to constipation. She, in details that I shall spare you, told me of her life long battle with being irregular. Damn woman!! Eat some damn spinach, buy a bottle of ex-lax, take some responsibility for your backed up pipes!!! Don't make me pay for your shit!!! These type of people are my fear of socialized medicine. People who will run to the doctor for a paper cut, a scratched knee, or because they are feeling lonely and need some attention and cost me even more in taxes. I would much rather eat a steak than pay $8.00 for your single aspirin, or $4.00 for your band aid. I'll buy ya a box and share. Feeling lonely??? I'll tell you how wonderful you are and that I love you to make you feel better and won't even charge for it.

Which brings me to this. Stop and take a look at yourself. Is what you are asking for fair?? Or are you some lazy ass selfish bum trying to get a free ride because you think this is how it should be. We as a people need to take hold of the opportunities presented to us and treasure them. I know there are people who honestly need help, these are not the people I am attacking. I am spouting off at the people who live their life coasting through on a free ride. It may be free for you, but guess what, you're costing more money and creating more problems than we can solve right now. So thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart for the state of affairs you have helped create.

To the affiliations that help support this behavior, screw you. I once found a program for an indigent elderly lady to get a free pap smear and mammogram. Yeah, I know, just what you wanted to hear. But listen up, it wasn't enough that the woman got to get these tests that are vital to us feminine types, but a few weeks later, we received in the mail a very large, bubble lined manila envelope ($2.39 at Staples) with a wonderful letter thanking her for her participation in the program (cost of a sheet of paper, toner, and the wages of the person who composed it, packed it, licked the stamp and mailed it) as well as a lovely hot pink and black tote bag screen printed with the program's logo ( I wonder how much this cost??? $3.00?? And I'm being very fair here). Let's say this program was only offered to 1000 people (and I know the count is much higher than that) that's an additional $5,390.00 for this program. How many more tests could be paid for with this amount??? This type of waste really pisses me off. That lovely tote bag sat in this lady's closet until she died, then it was thrown out by family. Nice.

So rather than pull a ton of money out of our asses to pay for reform, how about we cut unnecessary costs first??? How much more money would be available for those who really need it??? I venture to say quite a bit. This concludes my rant, thank you and good night :o)

Thought this was cute

2009-09-29T16:30:00.000-07:00

Flu shot reminder.

Eat right!

Make sure you get your daily dose of fruits and veggies.

Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C.

Get plenty of exercise because exercise helps build your immune system.

Walk for at least an hour a day, go for a swim, Take the stairs instead of the elevator, etc.

Wash your hands often. If you can't wash them, keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around.

Get lots of fresh air. Open doors & windows whenever possible.

Try to eliminate as much stress from your life as you can.Get plenty of rest.

OR Take the doctor's approach.Think about it...When you go for a shot, what do they do first?They clean your arm with alcohol...Why?Because Alcohol KILLS GERMS.

So....... I walk to the liquor store. (exercise)
I put lime in my Corona (fruit)
Celery in my Bloody Mary (veggies)
Drink outdoors on the patio bar (fresh air)
Tell jokes, laugh (eliminate stress)
Then pass out. (rest)

The way I see it...If you keep your alcohol levels up, flu germs can't get you!My mother always said, 'A shot in the glass is better than one in the ass!'

Mom for a day

2009-09-29T05:59:00.000-07:00

Yesterday morning I woke up to feeling bulldozed and barely able to talk or breathe. My chest hurt, my throat hurt, I was down right miserable. I stumbled down the hallway to wake the children for school to find my youngest camped out of the living room sofa. Upon waking him, he could not open his eyes due to the dried-up crusty nasties that caked his lashes. He too was coughing horrendously. It's a Monday. My seven year old went off to school, seeming to be fine and dandy.

Little guy and I got dressed and went to the doctors. I flew in and out of my doctor's office, but we weren't so lucky at the pediatric office. The waiting room was full, people were standing around in the lobby, sick children coughing, sneezing and crying everywhere. Poor little guys. I was feeling bad enough to not have any dignity and took up post in a corner on the floor. Purse behind my back, the little guy and I cuddled up and napped. I say little guy, only because he is my baby. He is five years old, and about the size of a seven year old. Getting cozy is not as easy at it used to be. An hour and a half later the blessed moment came when his name was called, it's funny the things you can be happy about. He not only has the upper respiratory yuks, but pink eye as well. His doctor is a very funny Chinese man and while he was palpating little guys tummy he says "Hmmm I think I feel puppies in there". This caused little guy to sit up so fast he almost knocked the doctor in the face, he had a horrified expression and nearly shouted "But I haven't eaten any puppies all I had was cereal!!" So we had a good chuckle and got prescriptions for medication.

Off to the pharmacy we go, which is usually about another hour wait. I feel God was smiling on me this day, as we had no wait time at all. Thank you, God!!! And finally home, so we could wallow in our self pity of sickness together.

Last night I woke up several times throughout the night feeling like I was going to hack my lungs out. At 3Am I gave up trying to get back to sleep, not to mention my coughing, tossing and turning was doing no good for my husband's beauty rest. Those odd hours in the middle of the night are usually good for contemplation, but all I felt was aggravated and on the verge of a panic attack. I've already been out of work a week having had the flu, then managed to return to work for a day and a half to pick up this upper respiratory yukkiness. I knew I wasn't going to make work again feeling like I do and knowing little guy was ill too. I'm going to lose my job, I just know it. I tried comforting myself in saying, but you are the only one who can do the job you do right now. Does this pacify me??? Of course not, everyone is expendable. How am I going to manage taking care of my child much less myself??? Suck it up and find a way. I did my morning walk down the hall to wake my seven year old for school, and low and behold crusty eye lashes!! YaY!! Panic ensued even further... How am I going to take care of TWO sick kids, much less myself in the state I'm in, I'm going to lose my job, which will lead us to lose our house, and not be able to feed my kids, my sixteen year old keeps going on and on about a new car, how am I ever going to get through all this??? I try to calm myself with jokes, at least I kept the SUV, there's room enough for five plus 2 cats.. we can install a micro-fridge... hell, I can live on the beach again if I want like this. Beach living in an SUV didn't pacify me for long.

I finally broke down and called my Mother. Yes even us grown ups still run to Mommy sometimes. For some reason she always knows just what to say to make you feel like you can conquer the world. Crying hysterically, I told her all my worst fears and she laughed at me. Which caused me a moments pause in my babblings.. she's laughing.. what's so funny?? I continued my rantings and running off all these important things about to change in my life.. she laughed louder. "What are you laughing at Mom? My life is over!!" Still giggling she tells me "Your life is not over, if you lose your job, you'll find another. Besides, your biggest concern should be your children not your job. You can't replace them with a new one and if you lose your house you can always come home."

In a few short sentences my Mother calmed my worst fears of the moment and made me realize how very lucky I am to have the family that I do. I am not alone and will always have people to turn to, if I can ever manage to stop thinking I am supposed to do everything on my own. I'll have to work on that one. Thanks Mom!!

A letter to Gregory

2009-09-27T08:55:00.000-07:00

Dear Greg,

You left me too soon and I miss you. Since you have been gone I have yet to find anyone who can take your place. I miss our talks about everything and nothing. You were the only person who ever knew me and loved me for me. You always had words to comfort me even before I had the chance to tell you what was wrong. You held me when I cried and never said a word. "Get it all out" you'd tell me. I could tell you my darkest thoughts and you never ran.

I remember when you were teaching me to drive, illegally of course, since I was only 14. You handed me the keys one day and said "You're driving". I didn't argue, at that age I felt I could do anything. You never made me feel I could do anything less. We used to drive along Tropical Trail, that narrow winding road that followed along the river bank. On a sunny day the trees would block most of the sunshine allowing only a peek of light through as we cruised along listening to whatever music struck our fancy.

One day you decided we needed to explore a side road and didn't see it until we were right on it, then you yell "Turn left, right here turn left". I cranked the wheel and stomped the break to make the turn and all four of your hub caps went flying in their own directions. The car came to a stop and you went racing after your covers. My laughing was made more pronounced by a little old man with a long white beard, stopping his old pick up truck and saying to me "Now that's about the damndest thing I've ever seen."

Or how about the time you drove the car off the end of the road??? It was so dark that night, who'd have guessed there was a seven foot drop?? We had to call your uncle in on this rescue mission. We laughed so hard that night I nearly pissed myself. I miss you so much.

You introduced me to the art of skipping school. "School's boring, let's go do something fun" this is what you would say to me. Our first adventure took us to Orlando, to the Alligator Farm. We walked around all day looking at the animals and watching the shows. I still have images in my head of the alligator jumping ten feet out of the water to eat the chicken on the line. I've been kayacking a few times through the canals that we used to swim through and I always expect to return headless because of jumping alligators. I'm still baffled that we survived our swims. You always brought a garbage bag along to put my purse and shoes in so they wouldn't get wet.

I remember we used to swim through the canals to get to Spider Island. That beautiful place where we kids could escape. You tied up a rope swing so we could play. Remember the day I almost landed on that alligator??? I screamed so loud, I don't know who was more afraid, me or the gator?? We had so much fun, I miss you so damn much.

Imagine my shock when I returned from my summer in Australia my junior year to find out you were in a car accident and were hanging on by a thread. I rushed to the hospital, but your mother would not let me in to see you. She said she couldn't allow me to see the condition you were in. How I wished I never went to Australia and that I was driving that rainy night. Your mother told me your car flipped several times, your back was broken, one of your lungs collapsed, your head was thrown against something that broke your skull, you had to have several blood transfusions. You survived all this. You had to learn to read and write, walk and talk again. I waited six months to see you, your mother kept me away. We got in trouble that first day, because I was racing you around the halls of the rehab center in your wheelchair.

You were changed when you finally came back to us. Your brain damage was severe, your memory was spotty. Yet I was so grateful to have you back. Our friends turned out to be not so good friends, they couldn't quite grasp the whole idea of you being different. I think it was the fact that you could no longer contain your words. You spoke whatever was on your mind not realizing some of the words were biting, as true as they were.

I remember when you helped me pack to move to New Orleans, tears in your eyes. You told me "I don't like this man you are moving with, I don't want you to go." I didn't listen because I thought this man was my true love. We stayed in touch, talked on the phone, wrote letters, sent pictures and I always missed you.

You came to my wedding, to be my support, to walk me down the aisle. In the back bedroom, while I was applying my make up, you took my face into your hands and kissed me on the forehead and said "One way or another, I will get you away from this guy. I don't like him". At this point you handed me a box, wrapped beautifully. I opened it and wanted to cry, you had bought me the most beautiful fuschia colored dress to wear on my honeymoon. You always knew what looked best on me.

We parted ways that night and through the years visited each other on holidays. You were never happy with my marriage. You always thought I deserved better than I chose. Perhaps you were right.

As the years went on, each time we visited, you seemed a bit thinner or more tired. I knew you were ill, you never out right told me, but I knew. I also knew you didn't want to talk about it.

In May of 1999 I received a call from my mother, she told me you were dying. My marriage had turned violent by this time and there was nothing left of it. I made the choice to pack up my car, my kid and my cat and come home. I had to get home to you. I drove twelve hours straight through from New Orleans to Satellite Beach, dropped the baby and the cat with my father. I knew I would need my mother with me. I made it to your side at around 3 AM on a Thursday and was stunned when I saw you laying in your bed. There was nothing left of you, there was an IV drip of morphine for your pain and you mother told me you were completely out of it and didn't even know anything was going on around you. I took a chair by your bed and took your hand "What are you doing to me", this is what I said to you. Your head turned towards me, you couldn't manage to open your eyes or speak any intelligible words. Everyone was surprised to your reaction. You hadn't moved for hours, they said. But I knew, I knew you were waiting for me. I sat with you for three hours that morning, exhausted and in emotional turmoil. I talked to you about all of our adventures and how much joy you brought me and finally told you that the marriage was over. You let go around six AM just as the sun was starting to show it's face. You died from pneumonia complications due to AIDS that you contracted when you had your blood transfusion ten years prior. My heart is broken to this day over the loss of you. I miss you, I miss you so much. I wish I was driving that night and maybe you would still be here with me today. I love you Gregory Paul Langrock, you are one of the reasons I believe there is a God, otherwise I will never get to see you again. I will see you soon my friend.

Love,

Me

A lesson in friendship

2009-09-25T19:10:00.000-07:00

I started this life as a screaming infant, just like everyone else. As a child I took in the wonders of the world.. the sky, the clouds the animals around me. At some point in life I wanted to be a princess, a dancer, a veterinarian. Where did those wonders go??? Did they fade into the background of wanting to be a cheerleader, the popular girl that everyone accepted. Did they fade into the stylish clothes and shoes, the trending make up??? I don't know where we get lost along the way. Trying to be the best wife, the best mother. Do we really have words of wisdom to offer our young??? Sometimes it seems they are wiser than we.

At some age we become wise enough to know we weren't that wise as youngsters. Is it when you buy your first house?? Travel the world?? When?? When do we realize we are learned in the ways of the world?? When we see what we say hurts the ones that we really love, the ones that really matter??

Is it some enlightenment when you are drunk and feel you own the world?? Do we see the mistakes we've made?? Do we change them or continue because this is the path we chose?? That moment of anger at the world.. when we see that it all means nothing?? Or does it mean something??? Who am I?? Does my existence in the world really matter to anyone??? Does what I say have any effect on somebody out there in greater need than I??

Will it come when we are 90 years old and have seen enough of the world to know that the person who has stood beside us all these years is all that matters in this earthly world?? They have hurt us, yes. They have abandoned us, yes. Were they really there when it mattered most?? When we need our walkers to get out of bed, or a reminder of the medication we forgot to take when we need it?? A "Hey honey, you have a doctor's appointment today, let me call our son" to remind him, because we can't drive any longer.

I hope at some point in my life, my life feels full of meaning. I hope at the end of my life I have someone there with me holding my hand telling me how much they loved me. My family or even you, my friend. Will you be there with me in the end?? Will you be there to forgive me the wrongs I have committed against you and love me for the person that I am? Will you still be there with me when you know me?? I hope so!!

Sometimes words just don't cut it

2009-09-23T13:53:00.001-07:00

I enjoy Twitter, I would say I am a Twitter addict. There is a lot of fun to be had, typing to different people, learning things about them. Most things that are revealed are funny or even admirable qualities. You even form emotional bonds towards people. Maybe for many of us it is an escape from the real world. It is an opportunity to link up with people all over the world, expanding the friendly pool. You find people with common interests, common personality traits, a common something that brings you together and causes you to notice someone or for someone to notice you.

To date, I've met several women who share my love for skincare, haircare, cosmetics and shopping. We get to share our knowledge of products, application and color schemes. I enjoy web shopping even more, now that I can show pictures of the things I want to buy to someone other than my husband and get feedback on them. It's great!! Like having an entourage of personal assistants to help me shop. I figure with all of us on the job, none of us will ever be out of style.

I am an orbital member of a group of God lover's who blog some really wonderful, insightful things. None of these people really know me, or who I am. That's okay with me, because in their own little ways they help me keep in line with my connection to God. So while we may never be the best of friends, as I am not the ideal Christian and no one will want to claim to really know me, you all do have meaning to me.

I play with a group of aspiring writer's, no offense to anyone, but these guys are my favorite. They accept me for me and all my crazy whims, perhaps because they have crazy whims too. We all deal very well with each other's moodiness, tantrums, bad etiquette, and even the less than socially acceptable tweets. My love for these guys is the fact that they boost me and encourage me to write, write, write. Bad spelling, bad grammar, run on sentences... they don't care. They share a passion with me. Hugs and kisses, guys.

Then I have some varying individuals that don't really fit into any of my cliques. They may have their own, I don't know. I do know something somewhere caused me to follow you or you to follow me and here we are. We chat, we play, we share thoughts and ideas.

Most of us keep our truly personal side of life to ourselves. We all have our cross to bear, problems to deal with, health issues, family issues , whatever issues. So yes, it's nice to be able to turn somewhere to forget about all that for a while. To unburden our brains and hearts for a short while. To escape.

What do you do when you get really personal with someone about a fact in their life that is truly heartbreaking, or horrifying?? I felt this today while talking with a friend on the other side of the world. How absolutely useless I feel right now. Under circumstances I would rush over to my friend's house to help with the kids, or clean, or cook, run errands, whatever needs to be done. Here I sit unable to help my friend, I can't even offer the comfort of a hug or a crying session in person. To me, this is the down side of Twitter. I am a worrier and a care taking type of person... and I feel like words just don't cut it for this.

So, what do you do???

Sunny Day

2009-09-22T05:50:00.000-07:00

I felt the sun today. I opened my front door and there it was in all it's blinding glory. I had to close my eyes against it's brightness. For the briefest moment I felt it's warmth wrap around me. Inside I felt the glimmer of happiness I have been seeking and a renewed sense of hope. I felt it's rays caressing my cheek, hot on my skin and for that moment I felt safe with my place in the world. I slowly opened my eyes and saw reflections of light from a few strands of hair fallen in my face. Then it was gone, but I felt the sun today.

baggage dump

2009-09-21T15:41:00.000-07:00

I wrote a story. That's right, I did it. You won't be able to read it until October. I also wrote an article for a beauty review blog. Yes I did that too. That is available, if you're looking to get the perfect red lip, let me know I'll hook you up.

When I was a teenager I wrote, I drew, I danced. I've always loved the arts. My father had a collection of books of famous painters, this is what I would peruse instead of DR. Suess. I loved the colors and the way they all bled together to form a perfect picture.

I moved to New Orleans got married when I was very young. This lasted a few years then failed miserably. This transition is when I stopped writing and drawing and dancing. It was my job to be a wife and a mother. When the marriage failed I moved back to Florida to try and pick up the pieces and start over. I was only 26 and still had my life ahead of me.

Unfortunately, life does still roll. Bills have to be paid, mouths have to be fed. I still didn't write. I also felt so useless in this world. My life was really screwed up. So I worked and worked and worked and left myself behind even further. Then I met a man and re-married. Married him and his mother apparently. What a sneak attack that was, or perhaps my own blockade to the truth.

I ended up having the burden of taking care of a woman who all but gave up on life when her husband left and left my husband as her support. Sometimes I think back and I should have steered around the warning lights, but I didn't. I ended up taking care of this woman, who ended up with heart disease, diabetes and was extremely over weight (360lbs at 5'1"). It was an emotional beating from hell. Nothing was ever right, not the food I cooked or the groceries I bought or the things I tried to do to afford her some comfort. This house I live in became a prison of sorts when eventually she couldn't be left alone. This went on for 2 and a half years. She passed in July and I don't know if I should laugh or cry. I only know that at the ripe old age of 37, I am one emotionally messed up individual.

I also realize at this point I am half way through my life and I've spent it making sure everyone else in my life is doing okay. I don't even know who I am anymore. What do I like?? Trivial things are easy.. the color purple, chocolate, Italian food, reading, make up. I like to look at artwork. My husband doesn't get it. He'll look, "yeah it's okay". I don't think he can grasp the fact that someone chose the colors, the theme, and with brushes, made each individual stroke to form a glorious, visual creation out of the chaos of paint and blank canvas.

Secretly, I've always wanted to write. I've never had a support system for this. It's a waste of time. You can't write. Just stick to what you know. That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. I call this dismantling, the popping of the bubble. It's the moment that you feel you are on to something, that you can create or do something ingenious to change your life or change the world. Then the hoards come with their needles and slowly pop that surrounding feeling of confidence and joy. So all that is left is one big messed up droid like person, that smiles at the right times and says the right things when the time is right. You wake up each morning and do the chores that need to be done, go to work and come home to finish the chores that need to be done.

I am excited about my story... only one other person has read it so far and he said it's pretty good. I think he exaggerated to maybe help boost my confidence, which I appreciate. But it is a start, my article is a start. I want to write, I really do, I feel it in my blood when I am sitting here at the computer. I want to just let the words flow. I feel blocked by insecurities built up over the years. I have also trained myself to no feel like I used to, to hold back.

So for now, I will use this blog to dump some of this emotional trash that has built up over the years and hope in doing this spring cleaning, will render myself able to write. Perhaps even have some ideas along the way.

NO JOKING MATTER

2009-09-18T22:42:00.000-07:00

I just read a blog mentioning the funny things in life. For the most part I agree. Life is funny. At this very moment something funny is happening; My husband, who doesn't care much for cats is in a heated battle with one of them (that I adopted on one of his many hunting related excursions out of town, that'll teach him to leave me alone) for jumping on the table. Does he not realize he is wanting to win a losing battle?? Do I want cats on my table?? No!! The precious little darling are all of five months old and have only been with us about a month. For the most part they keep thier shinanigans to the floor. So I will sit back and laugh at the moment.

Back to the blog I was reading... it touched on the life of Jesus, who is my all time hero. The man I always turn to when things aren't going so great, and when they are. I am not a fine, young, upstanding, church going Christian. As a matter of fact I've had a very bad experience in a church, one of the worst ones of my life. I do, however, read the Bible on a daily basis. I make sure I read at least a chapter each night before picking up whatever novel it is I am engrossed in.

To the athiests I involve myself with: This is not an inviatation to argue with me about the reality of God. I believe in God and I believe my salvation is through Jesus. I also believe all of us will have our day of judegement and whatever you believe will be brought to the table. I do not condemn you, because what I read in the Bible does not allow me to. I will never turn my nose up to you.

To my Christian followers; I will talk of my love for Jesus and God with you. I will not, however, be told that because I do not attend a church of brick and mortar, that I will go to hell. God is the Alpha and the Omega and knows everything in our hearts. My soul will only be judged by Him.

This being said... in the blog I read.. the cressenda and biggest topic was... What is too serious to joke about????....My answer is crimes against children.

This is a bigger issue to me to even that of racism. The Bible states "Jesus loves the little children". Don't ask me to quote scripture, because honestly, I don't know.. I just know it's in there somewhere. I've read it.

I've come to a point in my life, due to circumstances that I have gone through in the last year, where I cannot watch the news anymore because it deepens the depression I find myself in. Any time I have gotten a glimpse of it I see political misgivings, racial slanders , who has the best news, global warming is killing our Earth, Global warming isn't a fact, soldiers, who are people don't forget, are dying. It's enough to make one go crazy.

What I hear about more and more are the cases of disappearing children, shot children, neglected children, abused children. Twenty miles from me a little girl disappeared in February, no one claims to know anything. Everyone went to bed one night and woke up with Hailey Cummings missing. there is a lot of speculation and tid bits of this and that.. she was sold into slavery, she was fed to alligators... but ultimately no human claims to have any knowledge.

Orlando is a two and a half drive due south of me, where a little five year old girl, Jazyire Sims, was shot in the stomach by her Mother's boyfriend.

Orlando once again, Caylee Anothony's body was found within a short distance from her grandparents home.

These are just three instances of child abuse, neglect, and molestation that are happening around the globe. Do you remember Daryl Hannah from Splashed in the 80's?? The hot sexy, blonde, mermaid siren that won us over??? Well she spends her time now trying to rescue children from sex slavery . Go Daryl, Go!!!

So to answer the question of.. Is there anything too serious to joke about??... Yes, yes there is. We have a duty to not turn our heads when we see an injustice being done to another human being, wheather it be racial hatred or run of the mill insults. We ALL have a bigger obligation to protect our children.

Musings of a 5 Year Old

2009-09-17T14:17:00.000-07:00

This morning I woke up far too early, bitchy and bloated to that unavoidable monthly moment all women face (come on menopause, hurry up and get here!!). In the process of getting the children ready for school, and trying not to be impatient with the constant chatter we hit upon the topic of age.

For some reason all children want to be older than what they are. My 7 year old wishes he were 10.. then life would be great because he could walk down the road to his friend's house unaccompanied. Every child I've ever spoken to wishes this blessing upon themselves, to be more grown up.

All except my 5 year old who wishes he was a baby again because, he says, " I was so cute" . So I asked, "Do you not think you are cute now?" His reply " I am only kind of cute now, but I am growing up. Babies are very cute" This lead him to discover a new philosophy: For every birthday we skip, we grow a year younger. He is looking forward to growing younger as the years go by and reasons that when he is 9 he will be at the perfect baby age to achieve his ideal cuteness.

In the meantime he will have to suffer through days of "boring, nothing to do" school and cleaning his room. Which he finds annoying because he will just have to dump everything out again to find that one perfect toy to play with.

So I sit here now and think, this one is going to be trouble. He, I believe, will grow into one of those who goes against the grain of society's rules. Perhaps there is hope for our up and coming generation to make changes for the better in our world.

To my new friend

2009-09-17T14:14:00.000-07:00

Racism seems to be a trending topic among some of my newly found friends. One of these new friends is a black author from Brooklyn. Her writing is very compelling and thought provoking for me. I spent the first half of my life as a Military brat travelling the globe, living in other countries, learning new cultures. This is something I crave. Growing up, race was never an issue. No one ever said to me "Hey, that's a black girl you're playing with". It never would have phased me either.. my friends and I found common ground among our likes and dislikes, not of color, but of interests. When I was eight or nine I wanted a black barbie so my friend and I could play and she could have a chance to be the princess. I think this was my first encounter with racism. I recall, at a party my parents were hosting, playing with my friend and over hearing one grown up tell my mother " You let her have a black barbie??" with such disgust in her voice. My Mother, being the lady she is smiled gently and responded " As soon as they hit the shelves." This left the other woman with a wide-eyed, shocked expression. I didn't understand at the time, and was confused as to why this woman was so aghast at my beloved doll, my princess Kenyata.

Moving forward in my life to my stay in New Orleans, Louisiana. You see since I was 12 I've lived in the Southern United States. At 18 I took a job waiting tables at a hotel downtown and met a great group of people who worked along side me. During one of the many rainy seasons down here, I got off work and walked out the front door to head to my car and ran into Mikey. Mikey is black and washed dishes at the time. He had gotten off shift about 2 hours before I did and had been waiting for his ride that hadn't shown up. So I did what anyone would do and offered him a way home. We trudged through the pouring rain to the employee section of the parking lot and as I was unlocking my doors, Mikey jumped into the back of the pick-up truck . "What are you doing Mikey??" I asked... his reply shocked me to my core when he answered " My Daddy always told me never to get into a car with a white woman because they will kill you for that." "That's absurb Mikey, it's pouring rain, get in the truck" ... " Oh, no maam. I appreciate the offer for a ride home, but if I can't ride here then I'll just have to walk" So I drove Mikey home that day, in the back of my pick-up truck and cried. That night i could not sleep, who could?? I kept asking myself how could racism be this prevelant in this day and age in this huge city??? How could, in today's world, a man be mortally afraid to get a ride home?? My ten years in New Orleans was a wake up call for me. I did have other experiences where racism demonstrated how alive and well it is indeed, but none shook me up as much as my ride home with Mikey.

I think for me, I just don't get it?? My mind cannot grasp the hatred others feel towards people because of color or religion. What makes us all so different??? I think what bothers me most is seeing the hurt and embarassment that is caused by someones racial slurs. My heart breaks when my new friend writes out of anger because public racial slurs are being softened and new "racial phrases" are being created to hide the "dirty truth". I too am angry that the line between color cannot be crossed and overcome, that it is an invading part of our lives that continues to separate and keep apart relationships, personal or political.
I too am angry that this dirty secret has been kept under hats for far too long. I've never been quiet when I hear an injustice being served and it is being spooned out by the ton right now and I will not sit back quietly and eat it.
To my new friend, you are a beautiful woman with a great mind. I hope we can make a stand together against this ever evolving hatred.

Stray Needs Good Home

2009-08-20T12:34:00.000-07:00

Zombie hunting can be very dangerous!!

Sometimes it isn't our time to shine

2009-07-02T18:00:00.000-07:00

Ever have one of those middle of the day moments when you catch a glance of yourself in the mirror and the shine on your face is so reflective you have to squint??? Sure we have oil absorbtion papers that help with that, but then we are constantly pulling out papers to blot the oil away.

OC Eight is a revolutionary product that uses ACRYSORB® to continually soak up sebum as it is produced for up to 8 hours. Imagine not having to worry about mid -day shine!! It also helps reduce the amount of blackheads we get (YaY!!).

It is easy to use OC Eight, just apply on fresh skin before make up application and your set for the day. Remember to pat the gel on so you don't break the micro-spheres that collect the oil. It can be applied over make up as well so it makes it easy to go from work to play. It really works.

OC Eight is tauted by professionals like Mezhgan from American Idol. She says she really likes the way the contestant's skin looks on camera after using OC Eight. I like to follow Mezghan's tips for make up and trust her opinion as a make up professional.

Give this one a go, you won't be disappointed!!

Snails and skincare

2009-06-25T18:28:00.000-07:00

Yes you read that correctly.. snails are now being used in skin care. Seriously though, have you ever seen a snail with wrinkles??? I will be on the look out.

I have found some scientific study on this product from the secretion of the Cryyomphalus Aspersa (the type of snail used). This study is from aR&D Department, IFC SA, andbHospital Universitario de la Princesa, Universidad Autonoma, Madrid, Spain;cDepartment of Biological Sciences, School of Natural Sciences, Fairleigh Dickinson University, Teaneck, N.J., anddDermatology Service, Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center, New York, N.Y., USA

A new product called Tensage uses biorepair technology to visibly reverse the signs of aging. Apparently this product stimulates fibroblast proliferation which is needed for us to produce collagen, elastin and hyaluronic acid (All things most critical to produce to fight aging).

I am trying the body cream since I have access to alot of facial products and am currently testing other things. In the last week I've noticed a change in the appearance of the skin on my arm, it looks more moisturized and feels a bit softer. SCA (Secretion of Cryptomphalus Aspersa) biorepair technology is relatively newto the USA but has been used in Europe for some time as an anti-aging property. I have to admit, it took me a few days before I finally said to myself, stop being a whimp and give this a try. I never thought I would put snail stuff on myself . I will try the facial products at some point and will let you know my outcome.

2009-06-24T15:01:00.000-07:00

trying something new today, let's see how it works out hmmm

Melanoma

2009-05-05T06:59:00.000-07:00

Yes that's right, summer is here and even though we do worry about sun exposure in winter (or we should) summer is when it is really on your mind. Melanoma is the most dangerous form of skin cancer, and yes it can kill you. Our best protection is to avoid sun exposure, but we can't all be the people under the stairs, so we need to use sunscreens that protect from both UVA and UVB rays.

You can get a double hit of benefit with NIA 24 Mineral Sunscreen. It is made with Niacin in it to help reverse some of the sun damage we have sone to our skin. Niacin (Pro-Nad from NIA 24) works on a cellular level to help rebuild damaged skin cells and to repair DNA.

One of my favorite sunscreen is a powder from ColoreScience called Sunforgettable. I like it in the Almost Clear color (available in 3 hues for different skin color). It is packaged in it own retractable brush and is refillable. Easy to keep in your bag and is great for children. It is available with sparkles as well, if you like to add a little bling to your zing. I suggest shelling out the extra few bucks for the brush cleaner, available from the company, to maintain your brush.

Skin cancer can present in a few ways but the most typical is an asymmetrical mole type mark that changes shapes and or color. If you have any funkies that you've discovered don't waste time pondering it and asking people questions, get checked out by a doctor. Melanoma can spread quickly and cause death. For more information about melanoma and how to detect it check out http://www.skincancer.org/.

Make it a spa night

2009-04-27T17:38:00.000-07:00

Bored??? feeling kinda icky??? fight with the man again??? lock yourself away for a while in your bathroom and pamper yourself. First thing you need is music, MP3, radio (do not bring into the tub with you), cd player, whatever it is make it loud enough to block out the world. It's just you and your bathroom now ladies.

Lay out all the things you will need: a body brush, body butter or cream, facial masque, Babor eye Gel, and eye pads for preparation, Philip B Peppermint and Avacado shampoo

In the bath: epsom salts with a hint of essential oils (you can snag both in one bag @ Wal-Mart for about 5 bucks, I like the lavendar salts), wash cloth (egyptian cotton preferred)

Start by running your bathwater, as hot as you can stand it and add the epsom salts/ and or essential oils. Use your body brush on dry skin in downward strokes to remove accumulated dead skin cells. My non-friend bought me a natural bristle body brush with a long handle, this works really great!! Use the eye gel heavily, around the orbital rim of the eyes and under browns, apply eye pads. This is a super treatment especially for puffy eyes. Next step is to brush your hair with firm downward strokes and apply Philip B Peppermint and Avacado shampoo to dry hair starting at the scalp. Slap on some face masque, I like a good clay masque made with natural clays, Glytone clarifying clay masque adds a little boost with glycolic acid. I also like to slather my body with a good body cream like Babor Body Line Thermal body cream. Then sit in your nice hot bath, music blasting, ignoring the world. This is a good time to pick up a book and chill too. Soak for at least 20 minutes. Run fresh warm water from your tap and use your wash cloth to gentle remove your masque.

Drain water then run a nice moderately warm shower, rinse your body thoroughly. Add a tad of water to the shampoo and work up a lather (this shampoo won't be as bubbly as most shampoos because there are no sulfates in it, all natural baby). SHAVE!!! no reason to feel all soft and smell good if you aren't touchable too :o) When you're done, go ahead and rub in a little more cream for extra smoothness.

Follow your regular night product ritual and your ready for sweet dreams or a hot night.

I love crawling into my bed, made up with egyptian cotton sheets after having a night like this. It feels so good and I always sleep like a baby.

Poor Paisleysis' puparino

2009-04-22T18:51:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry your puparino is sick, paisleysis. I am going to pray for him hard because he is the sweetest, most precious of all. Just what he needs after the abuse he suffered at THAT stupid vets office.

I am going to tell you tomorrow that you should report that place to the SPCA, then we can film the bust and send it to Animal Planet AND youtube it!!! I am trying to avoid cussing on my little blog, but you know me and know that I am cussing that place worse than a sailor. ^^%$%^$%^$%*&^^%^%%$%$@$*()*()*^%^$#&*^%$, yeah, take that!!!

Primer

2009-04-22T18:45:00.000-07:00

Just short and sweet tonight, feeling a bit tired. Try using Colorescience Wild to Mild or Line Tamer before applying mineral make up for a smoother, longer wearing finish. You will extend the life of your make up as well, because you won't need as much for coverage. Also helps fill in fine lines, wrinkles and minimizes pore size. Check it out at http://www.complexioncenter.com/ or http://www.beauticreams.com/.

Sweet dreams!!

Organic Skin Care

2009-04-18T06:52:00.000-07:00

I've been trying all types a skin care since I can remember. I've always found that the organic lines have been well.. not too good. Cleansers don't clean well, creams made me break out (just what you need before a night out). Most have left me utterly disappointed. Recently I was introduced to Baborganics, a new skin care line from Babor of Germany. Being the product junkie that I am, I had to try it. I started with the cleanser ( as I learned you should only begin using one new product at a time). Expecting nothing I was surprised when I noticed a reduction in the appearance of the size of my pores in 3 days.

In the last 2 weeks my skin appears smoother and more refined. To say the least, I am impressed with these products.

Introduction

2009-04-17T18:48:00.000-07:00

Hi!! I'm Valerie, I work for a skin care internet site . I have always been into skin care and make up. In school I was the girl everyone went to for prom make up and for sneaking make up. Some parents in my time didn't allow it. I used to carry around huge purses filled with make up so I would always have the colors you needed.

As I grew up I learned that not all make up and skin care products are alike. Some of them just down right sucked. Over the years I have learned what most of the main/ active ingredients are that are put into skin care: what works, what's myth etc...

9 years ago I met and married a man from Hollister, FL. Having grown up in a military family and moving every 4 years then moving to New Orleans when I was 17 left me shocked here in the middle of nowhere. There is absolutely nothing here. We don't even have a yellow flashing light. The closest town to me is Palatka.. what a name huh??? There isn't a whole lot more in Palatka, so you can imagine everyone's excitement when Super Wal Mart moved in, then Lowe's, Home Depot and finally Chili's. I was my surprised when I answered a job ad and found myself in a little shop that carries high end skin care and make up.

Through my years of skin care addiction I have tried it all (and still do). I've been ripped off with products that don't work, embarassed when I realized my eyeliner or mascara has run and no one had the gumption to tell me (we all prefer to laugh at this person huh?).

My goal with this blog is to try and help you sort out the junk from the good stuff. If you're like me, you don't mind spending a bit more for products that work. I cleared out my make up drawer and cabinet years ago and no longer need those "storage spaces" for the products that I bought and didn't like, or didn't work.

So stay tuned... I hope my information will help, ask questions if you have them.