Friday, July 30, 2010

Dear Son #1

You didn't cry when you came into this world
The room was a hushed silence but for the beeping monitors
They carted you away before I could look at your precious face
You my child, that grew inside me
You my child, that I already loved
How I wanted to hold you near me, to have you in my arms
To protect and shelter, to comfort, to care for
Other plans were set forth for you on this day you were born
Your path was one of struggle from the very start
You proved to the world you were a fighter, strong and tough
Weeks went by and then the glorious day came
The machine pumping breath into you was removed and I cried
For you cried for the first time, with your hoarse grovelley little voice
Breathy and barely audible amongst the shuffling feet and shrilling alarms
You my child, lived
You my child, beat the odds that were placed against you
The years passed as you grew always amazing me
I admit, I was scared of losing you, always worried something would happen
I admit I was hard on you too, you were born tough
I didn't want you to lose that
The world is hard, my child, the world can be cruel
You must learn to look it in the face and not back away
You my child, have never let me down
I've always been proud of you, you are blessed by angels after all
You defied those who said you would never be smart, you'd always be sick
Right back in their faces, you shoved, and proved them wrong
My child, my tough, tough child
I have to admit, though, I may have been wrong
That I have instilled cynicysm in you, pushed too hard
For now I see my boy, about to become a man
And you push yourself too hard, already at your young age
Yes you are capable, this I have no doubt
But I question myself, wondering if I taught you too much about work
But didn't teach you enough about the joyful side of life
I worry about this as the time grows nearer to let you fly on your own
When it comes our time to let go, I want you to know these things:
Life is not all work, it is not all pushing yourself every minutes of everyday
Sometimes Life, my child, is dancing in the rain, and finding joy in the rainbow
Sometimes life is taking in the colors and the sounds, it's the little things
It's a feeling at the end of the day knowing you have done right and good
Not only for yourself but for others around you, especially those you love
It's helping a stranger in need, and giving of yourself so others can be eased of burden
Sometimes, my child, life is letting go even if it hurts, even if you're scared
This I feel now as our time grows near and your life as a man will begin
I am scared to let go, even though I know you will be fine
I still see my child, your sweet face, the little boy you once were
You will always be that little boy to me in ways perhaps only a mother knows
I will always love you, and offer guidance as you need
When our time does come, and you set out to explore the world on your own
Always know you have a home, someplace safe to fall back on
So fly my child into this world, and make your mark
But remember to laugh, and to open your eyes and look around
Dance and love, stick your neck out and don't be afraid
And live my child, live your life with gladness
So when it comes your time to leave this Earth, you leave with happiness
This, my child, is my greatest wish for you....

5 comments:

  1. Truly beautiful piece written in the voice of a mother, demonstrating unconditional love for her child. You have highlighted your inner-strength of knowing when to let go, and at the same time showing support and guidance, reassuring love and always a home.

    Thank you for sharing.

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  2. As I have told you previously, Val, I think this is an outstanding piece. Again, as I also mentioned, by the time I reached the end I was in tears. Now, sitting here reading it again, for the 8th time, I'm still in tears. Wow... it is rare for me to become so emotional when reading, but you get me EVERY time with this. I'm so proud of you for posting this letter. It is incredible. And what an honor it is to be able to say that I know the author! What a hell of a mother you are! Your kids must be so proud of you.

    Thanks for posting this letter, Val. And please, never stop writing.

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  3. Hey lady, are you drunk??? What son would think this is cool???

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  4. Yes, son.. err I mean anonymous... yes I am always drunk!!! And I know you thought this was cool...

    Love,

    Mom

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  5. Wow. I stumbled upon you two tweeps removed and I'm sure it was no accident. My son was whisked away from me at birth, too. He was only in the NICU one week but it felt like eternity.

    Your heartfelt worries ring through me like an old song I know well. I still have time to show him the joys and wonderful freedoms of childhood. I still have time...

    Namaste

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