Thursday, March 11, 2010

Nonsensical Murmurings of a Cursed Woman

So it's rainy and gloomy today... but at least it isn't freezing. I haven't blogged because I have been under duress of physical labor.. clearing land, hacking at random things with a machete and having a run of what seems bad luck. Yes, everyone still has all their limbs... except for the trees.

I am convinced someone has cursed me...It must be this as I haven't broken any mirrors, crossed any black cats, walked under any ladders, or passed by any pennies on the ground. So now, what to do to alleviate this curse... I don't think it's a strong one so it must be fairly simple to break.


I have researched curses... and I have ruled out the following ... I am not bestowed with the egg curse, The Curse of 27, I don't have a sports related curse, I'm not a Kennedy, so that curse is null and void to me, I honestly don't have the Hope Diamond, so this is hopeless, but now The New Year's curse may be a possibility. So what do I have to do to stop this?? Eat babies?? Sacrifice goats or snakes?? Burn incense?? What?? What do I have to do??



I know Midol helps with the curse of Eve... but I think this one will require a bit more than the average extra strength Midol pill.....


Most of the websites say I should lie in a tub of sea salt and call upon my ancestors to help me remove this curse. I really don't want to disturb them in their death... it just seems rude to me and intrusive as well. If I were a dead ancestor, I'd be pretty pissed if someone bothered me with some stupid curse. Besides, Mother always taught me to call first before I visit. So this is out.. I don't like being rude.


Yesterday I thought that if I were to eat a triple whopper it would put things back in line in my life... when I made this statement, I didn't think a triple whopper existed. I thought I was just being silly and random. But, oh nooooo the curse strikes again.. now I have to eat a triple whopper or make a liar of myself... Good grief!!! I am trying to be positive about this venture, trying to convince myself that this triple whopper will be the end of my bad luck.... once I eat it.


In the meantime, the curse is taking full advantage of me and as lunch hour slowly approaches the rain grows heavier and heavier, with rumbling thunder and flashes of lightening. By the time I can go to pick one up, I'll probably be in the middle of a hurricane. Everyone will be like.. where the hell did that hurricane come from?? It's my hurricane peoples!! MINE!! and my curse!! To top things off, I left my knife, fork and my chopsticks at home so I am going to have to use my hands to eat this. I don't even know if I will be able to hold the damn thing. I wish I had brought a bib with me, then again, I would have just left it with my utensils. A cursed girl can't win for trying.....


3 comments:

  1. I think I just pissed my pants laughing for the first time since I was 2. I can't tell if you seriously think your cursed or not but I hope not!

    ~TL

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  2. I'm curious why you think you're cursed, but it seems to me that your stomach ache is either the curse dying or proof it didn't work. lol

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  3. a triple whopper is so huge, it would take a pretty big hurricane to blow it away! you'll probably still be cursed but at least you'll be full!

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