Monday, January 25, 2010

Journey Through The Broken Mirror

Shattered fragments of broken glass lie upon a black tiled floor. She knows how they got there, but cannot believe this has happened. Kneeling down she begins to clean the mess, picking up pieces of the broken mirror, sure that 7 years back luck will be the resulting effect. Silly, superstitious thoughts.

She winces as a shard slices into her hand. Cursing, she reprimands herself for being careless again. Her blood spills in droplets on some of the mess, as she reaches for the hand towel resting on the black marble counter next to the sink. Not giving any thought to the permanent stain that will be left embedded in the cotton.

A flicker of light catches her eye from a dagger shaped piece, she picks it up and looks into the reflective glass and sees a vision from her past. Tears stream down her face as she witnesses the birth of her first born son. The one who was supposed to die, they said. The one who was supposed to have been a burden the past 16 years with his illnesses and psychological problems, they said. The one who would be nothing but a breathing body, with nothing to offer, they said.

Alone, she spent the better part of the 6 weeks he was intubated, at the hospital in the NICU watching the monitors, learning about blood stats and the various drugs needed to keep her baby alive. They told her not to touch him, not to stimulate him as it would cause him to work against the machines sustaining his little life. She didn't listen though, she held his tiny hand and kissed his naked back. It's a mother's love, and if her baby was going to die, he was not going to leave this world without knowing his mother's touch.

She was forced home one afternoon, after a visit to the emergency room. She'd developed an infection and told that she was not getting enough rest. Sure there were dark circles under eyes, and times when she couldn't seem to think straight, but to be home in bed resting her body was selfish. She could not leave her precious child alone in his time of need. She worried that at any moment his life would no longer be of this world and could not abandon him. No one would volunteer to drive her back, she was not supposed to drive herself, they said. You might hemorrhage, what then? But she drove and pissed off a few people. She didn't care, where were they with all this going on?? Alone, she sat hour after hour, whispering to him, expressing her love for him and desire that he live.

One night about 4 weeks into the ordeal she awoke at 2AM with an urgency to see her baby. Once again, no one would drive her. Off she went racing through the deserted streets, across the bridge spanning the river. At least you can get good parking at the hospital at that particular hour. Up the elevator to the third floor unit and what felt like a 10 mile walk to the little, darkened room they kept him in. Upon arriving she discovered, that against the medication they used to basically paralyze him, he had removed the tube from his throat. The first sign in a month since his birth, that he may survive.

She sat in a glider rocker 2 weeks later, waiting to hold her child for the first time. Soon he would be going home. When he was placed in her arms, and their eyes met, she knew everything was going to be just fine. This precious boy was going to rise above all that they said and be a wondrous joy in this world. Now, 16 years later, this miracle child, with the guardian angel attends college and will be receiving his first degree along with his high school diploma.

She sits back on her knees, clutching that memory to her, letting the tears fall for the grief and loneliness she experienced during that trying time and for the joy of knowing that it was she that stood by her child through the years, encouraging him to better himself, to use the brilliant mind that he was blessed with.

She sets the piece of broken mirror on the table beside her and as she bends to clean the mess again, her tears falling and mixing with her blood, she see another twinkle of light...........


  1. What a beautiful telling of a heart wrenching story my darling .. I have some similar things that happened with my children as well. You've insprired me to reveal them now. Your lovely heart is poured into every precious moment of this. I was deeply moved thank you for writing this. You are truly gifted. with love from schuggajoy

  2. Hey ! You made me cry ! (((HUGS))) I just started my own blog.

  3. speechless, val. really. beautiful and heartfelt, and tremendously sad.