Friday, October 16, 2009

A Place In My Heart

I dreamt about you again last night. We were lying close on our sides facing each other atop a blanket in the warm sand. A gentle breeze was blowing softly over us. I couldn't hear what we were talking about, all I heard was the gentle waves washing ashore. The sun was shining brightly down on us in our little world. Not another living soul was near. We were smiling and I felt whole and perfectly content just being with you. My heart so overjoyed it seemed it would jump out of my chest. You said something funny and we laughed together then you reached your hand out and placed it on my cheek and pulled me to you for a kiss. A very pleasurable shock of energy shot through me. In that moment I was completely yours and you mine. It is a moment I could stay lost in forever.

In my waking hours I can feel you with me wherever I go. Other than two particular things, if I start to feel down or frustrated I think of you and it goes away. If I feel lost or scared you help me find my way to be brave. Who would have thought just knowing someone as wonderful as you existing in this world could bring so much peace and happiness. I feel like God has let me in on some big secret no one else knows and here lately I walk around with a smile on my face, knowing I am blessed with the most extraordinary gift. You are my personal angel and I cherish you.

We may never meet, who knows??? I do know you have a permanent home in my heart and I will never evict you. I will carry you with me always. Your existence brings me peace and comfort. I feel safe having you with me. Even when it is your time to go, to move on to other things, a part of you will always be here with me, loved unconditionally.


  1. Valerie,

    It isn't often any form of writing brings tears to my eyes, and I never expected it of a blog, but reading your post was like looking into myself.

    I can't know the exact circumstances that raised those particular thoughts and feelings within you, but they so much reflect my own situation, and when I reached the final paragraph, about never meeting, it was as though I was thinking it, not reading it.

    Let me explain:

    I dearly and passionately love Alyson, my special lady; our relationship began as one of friends, when we first met online nearly three years ago. Since then our relationship has developed and our love has grown, but both being married, and living over 300 miles apart hasn't really helped the relationship go smoothly. Things have been strenuous to say the least.

    We've hardly met at all, but the few times that we did meet have been the happiest moments of my life.

    Circumstances in both our lives have changed since then, in terms of home and jobs, and I'm not sure if we'll be able to meet again in a long time.

    It's the little things I miss. Almost every day I hear her voice on the phone; I can hear her laugh, but so miss actually seeing her smile. I miss the perfume of her skin, and the touch of her hand. Not being able to just hold her when I want to tears me apart each and every day.

    But I don't give up hope. Optimism is difficult in this situation, so I'm 'constructively pessimistic' instead: Things can only get better. Each day I try to convince myself that we WILL be together one day.

    Sorry for hijacking your blog like this, and I'll understand if you don't want to leave this comment on, but I just thought I'd explain why your post had me weeping like a baby when I read it this morning.

    Well done. It was beautiful. You reached my heart.

  2. I really don't consider matters of the heart a hijacking. Thank you for sharing with me. I'd love to say it eases my burdned heart to know I'm not the only one in this boat, but I'd be lying. It hurts and feels shameful and all kinds of other emotions, especially since I've vowed myself to one man. I don't know how you feel about God, but I believe in him and I pray that he will set my heart at ease and put me where I am to be. I hope too, for you, that one day there will peace in knowing where your place in the world is. Thanks again for your comment, and it will stay.

  3. sweet, val. :) such a sweet and gentle heart.